Comedy Matters with Ray Romano, Tom Rhodes, Amy Schumer

Ray Romano Comes To The Strip

Ray Romano accidentally made $7 for his very first paid gig ever in his career, at The Comic Strip. He was supposed to be doing a non-paid “late night” spot, when the last booked comic of the evening didn’t show up, and Ray was asked to take his place.

After his spot, one of the other comics told him he was supposed to get paid for that, but Ray didn’t have the nerve to ask for it, so the comic told the bartender to pay Ray, and before he knew it, he was seven dollars richer. Ray says he gave all of that to his wife to show her he was finally making money doing stand-up.

That story, and the story of why he spent his first six months performing under the name “Jackie Roberts” were among the many stories he told for the book I’m writing, with owner Richie Tienken, for the 35th anniversary of The Comic Strip.

Richie Tienken, Ray Romano and me at The Comic Strip.

Letterbox Pictures was there to film the interview for the documentary film being Exec. Produced by Chris Rock. The film’s trailer will debut next month in Montreal at the Just For Laughs Festival, the biggest comedy festival in the world.

Ray came to the interview with his longtime manager Rory Rosegarten of The Conversation Company. He and Ray met at The Strip and have been together for some 22 years, one of the longest show biz marriages I’ve heard of. Ray is extremely loyal in a business where comics have been known to leave their original managers as soon as they make it big.

Rory Rosegarten and Ray Romano at The Strip.

I hadn’t seen Ray in a while and brought an old photo of us together from the time I brought internationally known singer Michael Bolton to meet Ray on the set of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Me and Ray Romano holding a photo of me, Ray, and Michael Bolton on the set of “Raymond.”

One of Ray’s writers from Raymond was there, writer/producer Tom Catalbiano. Tom is also quite a photographer, and he told me had a great photo of me with Patricia Heaton taken at the party for the Raymond DVD a few years back.

Me and Patricia Heaton at the “Raymond” DVD party from a few years ago.

We all went into Richie’s magnificent private office where you have to be inserted as if you were a coin in a slot, like in a washing machine (it used to be a coat room).

We went in the office to watch the trailer for the Comic Strip documentary, and also to watch one of the old Christmas videos that Ray made for many years for the annual holiday party. In the video we saw, which I think was the last one he made, he got the entire cast of Raymond to make believe they were at a show at The Strip to find a comic for someone’s birthday party. Brad Garrett, kept making fun of Angel Salazar’s signature line, saying “Sheck it out, … sheck it out!”

They called The Strip a “s#*thole”, and each of the cast members took turns making fun of different Strip comics like Scott Blakeman, and D.F. Sweedler, who they said nobody got. Seeing it for the first time, I actually thought it was a real episode of Raymond until the late Peter Boyle said, “I really liked that joke about the guy f#*king a horse.” That kind of gave it away. I didn’t think that line would get past the censors.

Richie Tienken, Rory Rosegarten, Tom Catalbiano, and Ray Romano laughing at Ray’s old Xmas video.

Ray is an unbelievably nice guy. Very often success makes people obnoxious. Ray is as nice as a guy who never made it! We got to congratulate him on the success of his new TNT show, Men of a Certain Age.

Comedy Central Auditions

Doug Herzog himself, Pres, of Comedy Central, showed up at The Strip to hold auditions for talent, in a show where Mike Britt was the MC. Among others, he got to see up and comer Jermaine Fowler, who just got back from performing in Aspen at the Rooftop Comedy Festival, Shang Wang who you’d never believe by his name was Chinese, and Kurt Metzger who explained why the USA is best. “We own the moon!”

Richie Tienken, Doug Herzog, and Bob Wachs at The Strip.

Amy Schumer was there to audition as well. She’s so clever and what I like best about her is that every line is so strong. As a writer, I respect people who don’t waste half their stage time asking the audience where they’re from. Jimmy Brogan made that work for him, but that was 25 years ago. Maybe more! Most of the time it just looks like you ran out of material. It’s great for the MC to warm up the crowd, but not for the guys who hit the stage after.

Amy said she just went out with her high school crush, and now he expects her to go to his graduation! In Miami, it seems she got stung by a jellyfish. She said, “At least that’s what the guy who was peeing on me told me. I don’t even remember going in the water!” I like Amy Schumer.

Amy Schumer and Hannibal Buress after auditioning for Comedy Central at The Strip.

Hannibal Buress, was also very good, and kindly told his assistant to “fax that for me, and here, fax something for yourself too!” I got to see Anthony Jeselnik for the first time, and found him to be very funny, and edgy, with good stage presence, and a very interesting delivery.

Montreal Auditions

Jeff Singer and his crew came down to audition people for this summer’s Just For Laughs festival. I got to see Adrienne Iapalucci, who says kids are so annoying she can’t understand why anyone would be a pedophile. Reese Waters, who’s dating a girl with very light skin because her mother is white, and her father is white, and the great Mike Vecchione, who according to him looks like “if Nick Lachey was on the Jersey Shore.”

Mike also just came back from performing in Aspen, where I’m sure he told the story about the time he was “fist-fighting a vegetarian” in the street. You don’t even need to hear the end of it to know it was funny.

Mike Vecchione, Jeffrey and Adrienne Iapalucci at The Strip.

Other stand-outs were Dina Blizzard, Josh Rabinowitz, Sean Patton and another favorite of mine, Joe DeVito, whose family believes in the motto, “If you can’t say something nice, scream it across the dinner table!” All these guys keep me from performing cause I always think, “How can I compete with that?” If you’ve never seen my stand-up it’s online on my website at jeffreygurian.com with me performing at Stand Up New York.

Gotham Happenings

Everybody, it seems, is writing a book. I got to see Jay Mohr at Gotham and then a few days later went to see him at his book signing, for his new book, No Wonder My Parents Drank, at the Barnes and Noble down on Warren Street in Tribeca. Jay entertained his book signing audience with fantastically accurate impressions of Al Pacino, Chris Walken, and Eddie Murphy, among others. He said his best experience while on SNL was seeing Chris Farley every time he walked into the building. He kind of choked up when he said, “It’s not often you get a chance to stare into the sun for two years.” That’s the kind of guy Jay Mohr is, plus he’s crazy about babies, and wants more!

The fabulous Pablo Francisco from Mad TV and Comedy Central headlined one weekend and I made sure not to miss him. Pablo is definitely a comedic experience you want to have. Once you’ve seen him do his thing, you will definitely return to see him again. He’s a dynamo who doesn’t stop for a minute.

Pablo Francisco and me at Gotham.

Jon Fisch hosted the show, and Jon was so good, that I asked him to perform in a show I was producing out on Long Island at the Old Westbury Country Club, which you’ll be reading about in the next column.

Jon’s advice to the audience was, “When you realize you’re going bald, turn to whoever you’re with and propose.” Lines like that, that people get hysterical over are funny, but they also come from truth. Pain + Time = Comedy. It’s an equation that’s sad but true. Jon also said he stayed in a hotel that had free wireless in the lobby, but cost $9.99 a day in the room. He said, “Apparently they want me to masturbate in the lobby.” Jon Fisch will soon be a headliner himself.

So I shot an e-mail out to Pablo to give him a heads-up that I was coming, and wanted to see him after the show to get a photo. After the show he disappeared and I couldn’t find him, which is why I’m using a photo of us from last winter.

Comedians and lots of other creative people are not too good with the concept of time, but the day after the show, I got an e-mail back from Pablo saying, “Thank you bungbung, lots of love, Pablo.” As if I didn’t have enough to do today, now I have to find out what “bungbung” means!

Mitch Fatel was another old pal I hadn’t seen in too long, so when I found out he was headlining Gotham I made sure to be there. He has such a likable stage persona that no matter what he says, you have to like him.

Vic Henley and Mitch Fatel at Gotham.

Mitch is honest and says he’s “very famous” and gets to have sex with lots of girls. He was out on a date, and he suddenly felt like he was gonna have sex with the girl, because she went to the bathroom, and left her drink with him! One girl wanted him to call her a “bad girl” but he embellished upon it and told her she was so bad, she should have been incarcerated years ago.

Also on that bill were two other great comics Vic Henley, who was the MC, and Marina Franklin, who is a crowd pleaser wherever she works.

At Anthony Anderson’s monthly mixtape show it was great to see Royale Watkins take the stage again to do some stand-up, because as one of the producers of the show, sometimes he’s too busy to do that. He talked a lot about “Ho’s” and how they now have their own show. It’s called “Basketball Wives.”

Brian Scott McFadden had a great line. “This next guy is a favorite on the B,D, and E lines and has appeared on security cameras all over the city! Marshall Brandon claims that racism still exists. People follow him every time he goes into a store to steal something.

iSatiristas!

Speaking of books, Paul Provenza, of The Aristocrats fame, and host of the new show The Green Room with Paul Provenza on Showtime, came out with a book called iSatiristas!, written with Dan Dion the photographer known for his portraits of famous comedians. Dan’s work graces the walls of Gotham Comedy Club, because owner Chris Mazzilli is a classy guy and spared no expense to make the club look fantastic.

Dan Dion and Paul Provenza at Borders for Satiristas.

Everyone loves Paul, which is why he was able to get so many comics to do The Aristocrats and why he got so many comics to be in this new book, which attempts to examine the state of comedy today by interviewing everyone from George Carlin to Lewis Black and Stephen Colbert.

Paul and Dan had a book signing at Gotham, followed by a show in which Colin Quinn performed some of the material he will be doing in his new show Long Story Short which just opened at 45 Bleecker.

Colin Quinn and Paul Provenza wearing the shirt that Colin made fun of.

Colin made fun of Paul’s shirt which he said he enjoyed seeing on the cover of the first Cat Stevens album. Colin is a master at deconstructing every thought any human being ever had, and showing you the folly of how we think and act. There’s no one quite like Colin. He’s a master wordsmith, who actually paints a picture with his words, yet he’s very open to telling the audience how hard it is to exist within the confines of the comedy world.

Paul and I go way back. We first met while doing a radio show with Jackie Mason. Then Paul went on to star in an off-Broadway show called Only Kidding which was rated the #1 off-Broadway show by Tim Zagat. They moved the show to a larger theatre and I invested, and lost every cent. Everyone did, and no one knew why. That loss kept me from investing in Blue Man Group, which was looking to raise money at the time. But I was gun shy after my loss in what seemed to be “a sure thing.”

Needless to say, Blue Man is still running and I would have made a fortune! But the loss had nothing to do with Paul. He was the main reason I wanted to invest because he was so good.

Paul Provenza holding my book while I'm holding Provenza’s book, and a good time was had by all!

Paul also wrote the forward to my book, based on my writing for the Friars Roasts for so many years, called “Filthy Funny, and Totally Offensive.” It was filled with the favorite nasty jokes of over 250 celebs. Go buy his book on Amazon! (and mine too, while you’re at it!)

Comedy Shorts

Mark Anthony Ramirez produces a show called “Tickle Me Tuesday” at Iguana on Manhattan’s West side, and I went there with a TV producer who’s been filming me for a potential TV pilot based on this very column. The show would sort of bring this column to life and take the audience backstage to meet the comics they enjoy on a personal basis.

John Fugelsang and me at comedian Mark Anthony Ramirez’ show at Iguana.

This night I ran into the hysterically funny John Fugelsang who took over hosting America’s Funniest Home Videos from Bob Saget. John is so quick that when my producer interviewed him, he came up with such hysterical stuff, I thought he had it prepared, but he had no idea we were coming. Mark is a funny man and puts on a great show. He puts a huge amount of effort into everything he does.

Adam and Todd Stone, twin comedians, and Friars, from NBC’s Last Comic Standing opened a show at the Kraine Theatre called “Set in Stone.” I like what they do and went on opening night to support them, but I wound up actually loving the show.

Adam Stone, me, and Todd Stone on stage at The Kraine Theatre.

They do this thing where they talk at the same time, and instead of it being annoying, it’s actually quite funny. Their humor is also very “out there” which I enjoy, like a bit where one says, “My great-grandfather had rabies, and my grandfather had rabies, and lately my father has been acting a little strange. So he went to the doctor who told him that rabies is not genetic, and my father said, “But how about the tendency to want to touch raccoons?”

I slipped into The Slipper Room, on Orchard Street on the Lower East Side, to catch a very bizarre, and different kind of alternative comedy show produced by James Habacker who owns the room. James is a fascinating guy who comes out dressed as different characters. The night I was there he was dressed as Pan, the Greek god of shepherds, and companion to nymphs. (Unfortunately there were no nymphs there that night, except the one I brought!)

Me and the Greek god Pan AKA James Habacker at The Slipper Room.

He’s closing later this month for massive renovations where he’s putting in another floor, but this is a place I want to hang out, and maybe perform in.

How would you mix comedy and belly dancing? I’m not sure but I want to try and figure it out since I met Lale Sayoko and saw her do her amazing thing in a spectacular show called Bella Gaia. She’s like a human vibrator, but gorgeous and Japanese, and if I bring back Uncle Nat’s Traveling Peep Show I think she’d be a big hit! Or she could star in a new film I’m working on “Women Who Massage Fruit.”

Me and Lale Sayoko dressed to go out for the evening!

All Rhodes Lead To Tom

In 1995, I attended the first Aspen Comedy Festival, and met Tom Rhodes who was just about to get his NBC sit-com Mr Rhodes, which ran from 1996 to 1997. We became friends and hung out several times, and after his show went off the air, I heard he became a big TV star in Amsterdam. Sounds like a dream come true considering all I’ve heard about Amsterdam.

It had to be at least 10 years since I saw him, so when I heard he was headlining at Gotham, I decided to go and surprise him. And boy, was he surprised. We had a great time reminiscing, and I may wind up going to Amsterdam next October to see him perform.

Me being squeezed to death by an exuberant Tom Rhodes!

After New York he was heading to Okinawa to perform for the Marines. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that World War II ended 60 years ago! (How come we still have Marines stationed there???)

Tom has performed all over the world, in Beijing, Paris, London, and many other places I will probably never go. His show is really funny, like when he wonders about comics who are called “the bad boy of comedy.” You never hear that in other professions. Like you never hear anyone say, “He’s the bad boy of gynecology.”

Hysterical!

Anyway, remember, until next time, … (in case anyone should ask), … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

Chris Fairbanks: Fairbanks!

A misconception of stand-up is that it has to be about jokes. The set-ups, punch lines, bait and switch; but Chris Fairbanks moves beyond this. That’s not to say he doesn’t deliver some hilarious turns and jokes, it’s rather the real meat of his comedy comes more from something else: seemingly stream of consciousness comedic rambling.

He’s a master of a nervous, almost jazz-like spontaneous prose, so free-flowing yet forward-moving it makes one wonder whether this is brilliant scripting or just damned good improv.

On Fairbanks! (Rooftop Comedy), the comic skillfully takes a word or mental image and keeps twisting, and pushing it forward in an almost incoherent flow that takes on the absurd with such confidence it seems almost normal. What’s more, Fairbanks simply  refuses to cater to the audience. The cheap laughs are few, and even with the occasional dirty joke, his sprawling delivery keeps it interesting and challenging. But with that pair of descriptors comes reality– and that means some jokes flop on Fairbanks! The audience at times, it seems, struggles to keep up, especially at the onset of the set. But Fairbanks plows through, and by the end he has them laughing at the most surreal and uncommon subject matters : “So, what’s with all these owls graduating?”

Though the album overall is strong, but given his style and the off-the-cuff nature of his delivery, there are few dynamic builds or big payoffs; in other words, there’s not many clear highlights. This is really the result of an album that’s more about the journey through style and form. And that journey is refreshing and evenly funny.

Download the entire album by clicking the image below!

Comedy Matters with Andy Kindler, Natasha Leggero, Bill Murray, more

Comic Strip Documentary Blows Up

We were excited enough when Chris Rock agreed to exec. produce the documentary film for the 35th anniversary of The Comic Strip. Now Abby Russell and Brent Sterling-Nemetz of Letterbox Pictures, who are actually shooting the film have really stepped it up, and have just shot Jay Leno, Billy Crystal, Joe Piscopo, Arsenio Hall, Richard Lewis, Carol Leifer, Kevin Nealon, and Richard Belzer for the film.

That’s besides the stars like Colin Quinn, Paul Reiser, Jeffrey Ross, and early footage of Tom Hanks, Robin Williams, and Eddie Murphy who were already in the three minute trailer on the Comic Strip website. Now every big star wants to be in the film, and we have a waiting list of people to interview.

Belzer and I at The Friars Club

I was present for the Belzer shoot at The Friars Club, which was a perfect setting because of it’s history and because of how beautiful it is. Also because Belz is a loyal Friar and is very active in the club.

Every night at The Strip is a surprise because you never know who’s gonna drop in. After I produced Kevin Hart at Westbury in February, I invited him to come by The Strip any time he wanted to, and he did just that.

Richie Tienken, Kevin Hart and I at The Strip

I was home relaxing when Richie Tienken texted me that Kevin had just walked into the club. He did a set and came back the next night to do another one and absolutely packed the place. With over 250,000 followers on Twitter, it’s no problem for Kevin to pack any place he wants. He agreed to be in both the book and the film.

Another night I dropped by and saw famed author Gay Talese and the world’s first supermodel Carmen Dell’Orefice, who could still walk the catwalk at age 78. I don’t usually check out 80 year old women, but in her case I made an exception.

Carmen Dell'Orefice, Richie Tienken, Bob Wachs, and Gay Talese at The Strip

Still another night I brought WKTU’s afternoon guy, Goumba Johnny in to hang out, and he got to see a bunch of his old comedy buddies, like Chuck Nice and J.J. Ramirez who’s been in the club almost since it opened in 1976. I think he left one night to have dinner, but aside from that he’s been living at The Strip, along with D.F. Sweedler. BTW, during his interview I finally found out what D.F. stands for. (Read the book when it comes out and find out!)

Me, Chuck Nice, Goumba Johnny, and J.J. Ramirez loitering outside the Ladies Room at The Strip.

On any given night you can find acts like Judah Friedlander, the World Champion, who actually lifts weights while running on a treadmill that has hurdles on it. I love “unique”; and Judah is in a rare category like a Gilbert Gottfried, or a Mitch Hedberg where their material and delivery is just so unique that no one could ever copy it.

Judah Friedlander, champion pointer, giving me pointing lessons at The Strip.

Gotham Happenings

NBC’s Last Comic Standing came to Gotham to do two nights of auditions and filmed them for the premiere of the 7th season of the show, due to air June 7th, 2010. Craig Robinson, of NBC’s The Office, will be the new host, but for some reason unknown to me, he didn’t show up for the second night of auditions. The show went off as planned anyway, which just goes to show that no one is indispensible.

It was good to see Barry Katz again who I hadn’t seen for quite a while. Barry created the show and is exec. producer along with his partner, TV producer Peter (Saved By The Bell) Engel.

Wannabe contestants who came from all over the country, camped out in the street in front of Gotham days before the auditions started. They lived on folding chairs and in tents, waiting for their big chance.

LCS judges Andy Kindler and Natasha Leggero at Gotham

Some better known comics, who had all of two minutes to impress judges Andy Kindler, Greg Giraldo, and Natasha Leggero, had booked spots, and I was there to see a lot of my favorites try out for the show. Hanging out with comedy manager Wayne Rada, I ran into two great comics, Adrienne Iapalucci, and Big Jay Oakerson. Adrienne made the finals. It was all very exciting.

A happy looking Adrienne Iapalucci and a not so happy looking Big Jay Oakerson at the LCS auditions.

Another favorite of mine, Myq Kaplan also made the finals, as did a weird kind of Jerry Seinfeld look-alike, Ryan Hamilton, who was very funny, but resembled Jerry in a very strange way. Almost like a caricature. I wasn’t the only one who thought that. See what YOU think!

Ryan Hamilton channeling some sort of Jerry Seinfeld-type smirk, and Myq Kaplan at Gotham

Anthony Anderson did his monthly Mixtape Show which has become a necessity for me. I can’t miss going cause it’s much too much fun. Anthony has such great stage presence. Although not a true stand-up comic, he certainly could be if he worked at it cause he’s naturally funny. Some performers are referred to as “triple threats” cause they can act, sing, dance and do whatever. Anthony needs his own category. He’s like an octuple threat if there even is such a word!

This month his show produced two interesting talents for me. One was Sinck, straight out of Brooklyn, who took pride in his “old-school” appearance and used being “old school” as a premise for his act.

Anthony Anderson and I at the Mixtape show. To help you tell us apart, Anthony is in the pink shirt

The other stand-out for me was a guy named Charles Walden out of Philly. Charles has CP, (Cerebral Palsy), but he hasn’t let that stop him from being one of the funniest guys I’ve seen in a while.

With a halting, almost childlike delivery, he tells his stories in such a funny way. He talks about being kidnapped in a foreign country and the ringleader incredulously saying to the guy who kidnapped him, “Who kidnapped this guy? He ain’t gonna be able to walk if his hands are tied! “

He was trying to bargain with a hooker who asked him how much he was trying to spend. He said he had two twenties, two tens, and a roll of quarters, and if that wasn’t enough that was fine by him, cause he’d use the quarters to do his laundry!

I thought he was outstanding but I couldn’t find him after the show to make contact with him. Two nights later, I’m at a BET filmmaker’s function hosted by Blair Underwood, and as I’m leaving the event, a woman stops me and says she was sitting next to me the other night at Anthony Anderson’s show. As we’re talking, it comes out that of all people in the world, she manages Charles Walden. That can’t even happen. Now we’re talking about doing something together to take Charles to the next level.

Kurt Metzger also did a really funny bit, when he asked the audience if they remembered where they were when they heard that Michael Jackson had died. Kurt said he happened to be at his father’s funeral, and when his mother heard the news about MJ, she passed out and almost ruined the whole funeral.

Jay Mohr Rocks Gotham

When you talk about the nice guys in comedy, you have to put Jay Mohr’s name near the top of the list. Jay is one of those talented guys who’s secure enough to be humble. He goes out of his way to make people around him comfortable.

I liked that he talked about comics who make fun of the audience or who spend too much time asking where people are from, unless they’re the MC, cause it usually means that have no material. I’m one of those people who couldn’t care less about where people are from. I guess you have to do that to warm up the crowd, but I could always do without it. No one but Jimmy Brogan ever really made that work as a career move.

And while I’m at it, nothing to do with Jay Mohr, but everything to do with stuff I don’t like, why do so many comics these days focus on what I call “bathroom humor”? The kind of jokes where people laugh out of embarrassment, instead of just staying perfectly silent which would teach these guys not to do such ugly material. Guys who do this are encouraged by any kind of laughter, because they are so immature, they can’t tell the difference between real laughter and uncomfortable laughter.

I don’t know who enjoys sitting with a woman on a date, and listening to graphic details about some dweeb’s toilet habits. Maybe if more of those guys got a date, they would find something else to talk about.

I’m glad I got that off my chest! Thank you for indulging me. I liked comedy that’s clever, not that comes from embarrassment.

Back to Jay Mohr, or Jay Mohrs as Tracy Morgan calls him. Jay does such a dead-on impression of Tracy, as he does with Colin Quinn as well.

Jay’s current act is a lot about true stories and fatherhood. He and his beautiful wife Nikki would like to have a baby, and so he talks a lot about gynecology, waxing, nail salons, and other assorted female subjects.

His new book, No Wonder My Parents Drank-Tales From A Stand-Up Dad is already available on Amazon.com, and if you use the key word “Jay Mohr” you’ll get 10 bucks off! The book hits bookstores out on May 11th.

Gregg “Opie” Hughes, Jay Mohr, and I backstage at Gotham

Back in his dressing room, we got to hang out with Gregg Hughes, better known as Opie from Opie and Anthony who’s expecting a baby any minute with his fiancée Lindsay, and may already have one by the time you are reading this. We all wish him and Lindsay a lifetime of happiness with their new baby.

I also got to meet a fascinating guy named Scott Chesney backstage. Scott is a good friend of Jay’s, and is an internationally known motivational speaker who thanks to a spinal stroke, travels by wheelchair, and sets an example for the rest of us.

The Heartbreak Kid Plays Gotham

I don’t know how Marion Grodin pulled it off but she actually got the legendary Charles Grodin to show up for the taping of her new talk show pilot she shot at Gotham.

Marion and Charles Grodin posing proudly at Gotham.

Maybe he was attracted to the similarity of their last names, Grodin and Grodin. They’re so much alike, you’d almost think they were the same.

It was great to see Charles again, and even though he’s Marion’s Dad he did his own thing. I don’t know if that was part of the script, or even if there WAS a script, but no matter what she asked him to do, he did it his own way. He’s the Frank Sinatra of the comedy world.

Marion’s other guest was Colin Quinn, who never fails to be funny, and is in Adam Sandler’s new movie Grown Ups, set to hit theatres on June 25th. The film also stars Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, Rob Schneider and other men who are known to have made people smile hysterically.

Colin’s new show The Decline of Civilization which I am very anxious to see, opens May 15th at the 45 Bleecker Theatre.

Me and old pal Colin Quinn at Gotham

Marion is a comedy powerhouse and deserves all the success she gets. There were two agents already waiting to talk to her after the show. And she promised me that if the show gets picked up, … I can sit in the audience and watch it any time I want!

COMEDY MATTERS QUICKIES

Ice-T Throws a Party

Ice-T has actually performed comedy at at least one Friars Roast, and I actually had the honor of giving him a couple of jokes. Who the Roast was for and what the joke was I don’t recall, but I DO recall a joke I wrote about Ice. “ Ice really likes to stay in shape. Three times a week he goes to the gym and lifts whites!”

His wife Coco is one of the most beautiful women you’ll ever see, and he made her a birthday party at the hot Hudson Eatery on West 57th Street.

Coco and I at her birthday party thrown by Ice-T and Noel Ashman.

Ice was telling me about the documentary he’s working on which I think was called “The Art of Rap”, examining the roots of hip-hop going all the way back to the beginning. Ice is very articulate and a fascinating guy to hang out with.

Ice-T and I at his wife’s birthday party at Hudson Eatery

Also at the party I ran into comic/writer Wayne Federman, currently working with Jimmy Fallon, who often tours with him, and Seth Herzog who warms up the audience at the Fallon show. Wayne gave me a great interview for the Comic Strip book.

Jimmy Fallon writers Seth Herzog, Wayne Federman and Eric Ledgin at Hudson Eatery

Fun Little Movies Wins Big

Frank Chindamo’s Fun Little Movies is now officially the most award-winning mobile video production company in the world. And he’s got the press to prove it. So far 25 and counting. Plus they have over 55 contracts with mobile and web outlets all around the world. FLM has apps on I-Phone, Blackberry, and Sprint,TV, and every other device you can think of.

I went to visit a friend of mine in the hospital and by his hospital bed, on the screen where the EKG was supposed to be, instead of his heart rhythm, I saw one of Frank’s movies. He’s everywhere!

And while I was in the hospital, I turned my back for one minute and caught some guy going through my bloodstream. It was a tough hospital!

All I wanna know is, if FLM is doing so well, how come I’m making 11 dollars a year on my short films???

Long Island Comedy Fest

Darcy Novick accomplished the impossible, … drawing a big crowd to Westbury Theatre, where I produced Kevin Hart, without using any radio advertising. It was her 8th annual Long Island Comedy Festival, starring four great comics, Richie Minervini from the CBS hit King of Queens, and former owner of Long Island’s East Side Comedy Club where so many big stars started out, Angel Salazar from Scarface, the great singing impressionist Scott Record who’s been my friend since the days I wrote for Rodney Dangerfield back in 1980, and Bob Nelson who was one of the original Identical Triplets, Eddie Murphy’s comedy group before he got famous on his own.

Front row-Darcy Novick and Angel Salazar. Back-(L-R) Scott Record, Richie Minervini, Bob Nelson, and Richie Byrne backstage at Westbury

Scott is a master talent and traveled with Rodney for three years. Richie Minervini was a great MC, and Angel Salazar is unexplainable if there even is such a word. He’s just a nut, who strips down to basically nothing during his act, and uses his signature line, “ Sheck it out!”

It was great to run into Bob Nelson again after so many years. He’s out in Branson in his own theatre, and is one of the few comics I’ve ever seen where the audience yells out requests. They all wanted to see his football line-up with his character Eppy Epperman. I want to interview him for the Comic Strip book to get some stories on the early Eddie Murphy.

Bill Murray Doesn’t Do Agents

I first met Bill Murray many years ago up at SNL through Alan Zweibel. They were both very close to Gilda Radner. Bill dated her for about three years, and Alan was like her best friend. I had seen him sporadically over the years but wasn’t sure he’d remember me when I interviewed him for his great new film Get Low, which just screened at Tribeca, and opens on July 30th, 2010. The film was also an official selection at Sundance and SXSW this year.

Some years ago I went down to the garage in my building to find that my car suddenly would not start. The next thing I knew, out of nowhere, Bill Murray is walking through my garage, sees my dilemma, opens the hood, looks inside, and gets down on the floor trying to fix my car. It was surreal. I don’t remember him being able to fix it, but I do recall trying to slip him a buck, which I like to do to very rich, successful men!

I was once going to do it to Donald Trump, but his son Don Jr. warned me against it saying he wasn’t sure he’d get the joke. Palming a rich guy a buck, as a tip, like you’d do to the guy who parks your car just strikes me funny!

Anyway, it’s not easy to get Bill to do a film. He doesn’t have a manager or agent. You can only contact him through his lawyer. The producer, Dean Zanuck called Bill’s lawyer and was told to send a one pager on the script. He said it would be sent on to Bill and he would never hear back from him.

Totally discouraged, he waited three weeks to send it and then thought, what the heck, he might as well try. He had nothing to lose. A couple of weeks later Bill called and left a message that he wanted to read the script. Dean played the message over and over again to make sure he heard it right. They sent the script to a post office box, and didn’t hear back for a while.

Then they got a call that he wanted to do it. However weeks went by and there was no follow up. The director Aaron Schneider poured his heart out to Bill in a letter, and sent it to the same P.O. box where they sent the script.

Robert Duvall and I at The Four Seasons Hotel

Bill called, and finally committed around 5 or 6 weeks before shooting began. They said they were so counting on him doing it, that by the time he actually committed they couldn’t see doing the film without him. In order to raise the money they had to show signed contracts from the two stars Bill Murray and the incredible Robert Duvall, who plays the lead role of Felix Bush, a man who’s been a hermit for 40 years, and who decides to make his own funeral while he’s still alive.

The only problem is that Bill Murray does not sign contracts. When I asked him what he did about not signing contracts as a younger performer, he said he always did it that way. If they wanted him they had to believe he would show up. For this film, they worked it out.

BTW, Robert Duvall is unlike anyone you’ve ever met. He talks to you as if you’ve been a friend of his for years. He’s so gracious and so humble, you walk away thinking, “ Do I know him well? Is he a close friend of mine?”

Anyway, to show you the extent of my ADHD, and the confusion I deal with on a daily basis, I spent this much personal time with Bill Murray and forgot that I had written a script that I wanted him to star in, but never sent it out, cause I didn’t know how to reach him. Now I was sitting with him chatting, and I forgot to mention it. That’s even worse than when I parked my car on 2nd Avenue a couple of weeks ago and just walked away leaving my keys in the ignition for over 90 minutes.

Bill Murray and I in the hospitality suite at The Four Seasons

Bill asked me for my card, so maybe he’ll just happen to call me one day and ask if I have any scripts for him. The truth is I’m more likely to grow a Biblical length beard before that happens! ZZ Top here I come!!!

Anyway, until next time, remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!

Comedy Matters with Jim Breuer, Aries Spears, more

Kevin Hart Sells Out Westbury

It’s hard to describe the excitement of producing a comedy show for 2,800 people, especially when all 2,800 people show up! The Kevin Hart Live show was months in the making and I could not have done it without my partner Jean Alerte and his company Alerte Carter and Associates who worked tirelessly to make sure the show was a success.

Me, Kevin Hart and Jean Alerte backstage at Carolines in NYC.

After months of work, the contract finally came through on Sept. 21, 2009, the very same day I lost my Mom, and Jean said to me that our contract came through thanks to her. He called me that day and said, “Your Mom’s an angel. I got the contract with Kevin.”

Once I knew that, I called my old buddy Tony Rock and asked him to come on board, and we decided to have Wil Sylvince as our MC. I’ve liked Wil ever since I saw him win the funniest new comic award at Carolines during her NY Comedy Festival a few years ago.

Then we went to Westbury theater on Long Island in New York and under the expert guidance of Jason Stone, Sr. V.P of Booking for Live Nation and his wonderful staff including Heather Federlin, and Dan Kellachan, we were able to pull it off.

The day before the event Kevin and his manager Nate Smith, flew in on the redeye from LA, and thanks to the hard work of ACA publicist Tamar Bazin, we started our day hitting the radio stations at 7 A.M. We went to Hot 97 to sit in with DJ Cipha Sounds and Peter Rosenberg who do the early morning show.

Cipha Sounds has a great affinity for comedy. I’ve seen him hosting a comedy show at Carolines, and the man is actually very funny. He needs some more material, but I can always hook him up with that!

Me, Peter Rosenberg looking very “street” and Jean Alerte looking very neat up at Hot 97.

Then we ran over to the CW 11 to do a TV segment where Kevin was the guest weatherman and did his version of hip-hop weather.

Then it was back down to Hot 97 to shoot a Hot 97 TV segment with Cipha Sounds and we did a thing on Kiss FM with Steve Wilson, from the D.L. Hughley morning show, and Kevin and Steve kicked it on the air for a while.

Cipha Sounds, Jean Alerte, Kevin Hart and I at the Hot 97 studios.

Then we went up to WBLS, where Tony Rock joined us, so that Kevin could do an on-air interview with our girl Egypt, who also made us an amazing radio promo that had been playing on our Kevin Hart Live website. Egypt just happens to be married to DJ FaDelf who was on the ones and twos out at Westbury for our Kevin Hart show. The man knows how to get a crowd all worked up, for real!

Me, Tony Rock, Kevin Hart, Egypt, DJ FaDelf, and Jean Alerte at WBLS.

A lot of comedy websites promo’ed the show which also raised some money for Haiti. My dear friend Unik Ernest, the Haitian nightlife impresario that used to own PM, Gin Lane, Merkato 55 and other hot Manhattan nightspots created a foundation called Edeyo, which in Creole means “Help Them.” They raise money to take care of Haiti’s kids and in 2007 had built a new beautiful school for 200 kids.

Three days before the quake, I brought my partner Jean who is also Haitian, and introduced him to Unik, with the thought that they should know each other, and that we could have his charity as the beneficiary of our show.

G-d works in mysterious ways, because only three days afterwards the quake struck, and we already had everything in place. Unfortunately the new school they built was destroyed in the quake and if you go to Edeyo’s site, you’ll see what Unik is doing to help his country rebuild.

The day of the show was like a dream. I got there really early to get ready to host the red carpet, which was being filmed for the Chris Rock documentary film on The Comic Strip, and where I interviewed Richie Tienken, owner of The Strip, Sherrod Small from VH1, Jordan Rock, Josaine from Bridezillas, Kendra from The Bad Girls Club, and my boy Macio, who is such a fabulous performer, and who came out to support with his gorgeous wife Gina. Richie used to manage Tony Rock back in the day.

Richie Tienken, Wil Sylvince, me, Kevin Hart backstage at Westbury.

By the time I got to my seat, Wil Sylvince was already on stage, and he killed it. The audience went crazy for him. Wil is hysterical but some of his material made me glad I wasn’t sitting with my daughters Liz and Katti who were sitting in Section G, thinking that they were glad they weren’t sitting next to me.

At the end of the show when they called me and Jean up on stage, I gave a shout out to my daughters, “ the two white girls in Section G.” Someone thought I said, “the two Black girls in Section G” which would have been even funnier.

Tony Rock was incredible. He makes it look so easy, cause he’s so relaxed out there, and he too absolutely killed with his material.

Then there was a brief intermission before Kevin took the stage, and it amazed me how calm and relaxed he was standing at the entrance to the stage waiting to go on. That’s the sign of a true performer, and when he went out there he showed why he sells out every show he does.

A self-admitted rare smiling photo of Nate Smith with Kevin Hart backstage, about two minutes before he was announced to perform.

Kevin has about 250,000 followers on Twitter and he’s on it so much, I’m surprised he wasn’t Tweeting while he was on stage. I find Kevin to be more of a story teller than an out and out joke teller. Story telling is kind of a lost art, and he does it like a true artiste! ( I added the “e” purposely, for dramatic effect!)

He is so gracious to his fans. When we were making the rounds of the radio stations Kevin was mobbed by a crowd of about 30 kids in the street and he posed for photos with all of them, signed books and shirts and was very gracious with his time.

He’s a man who enjoys his well-deserved success, and I was proud to have produced his show.

As a matter of fact, it kept me from attending the Writer’s Guild of America, East Awards where Alan Zweibel, the man who gave me my start as a comedy writer many years ago, was honored with the Ian McLellan Hunter Award for Lifetime Achievement in Writing.

Alan Zweibel and I at the Friars Club Roast of Jerry Lewis in 1996.

One of SNL’s original writers, which is when I met him, Alan went on to win multiple Emmy, Writers Guild, and TV Critic’s awards for his work in TV, including his work on It’s Gary Shandling’s Show, Monk, and Curb Your Enthusiasm. He’s written films and books, including The Other Shulman for which he won the 2006 Thurber Prize. And I would have loved to have gone and covered the event, where my dear friend Susie Essman was the host, but what are the chances it would be on the exact same night as my Kevin Hart show? I guess the chances were excellent, because it was!

Comic Strip News

The book and the documentary film on The Strip keep rolling along. We did one of our first group interviews for the book, cause if we didn’t we’d have a thousand page book. In this group were Joe Bolster, Wayne Federman, Bill McCarty, D.F. Sweedler, and Ray Pasquin.

Ray, who’s a comic impressionist, and was also one of the partners in the Ft. Lauderdale branch of The Strip, was actually one of the performers on the very first night that The Strip opened, June 1, 1976.

D.F. Sweedler performed on the second night and never left. He’s still there most nights and has also been teaching the comedy course at The Strip for about 15 years.

D.F. Sweedler, Wayne Federman, Bill McCarty, Richie Tienken, me, Ray Pasquin, and a glowing entity known by the Earth name of Joe Bolster.

Bill McCarty still performs at The Strip as well, besides performing all around the country and doing voiceovers.

Wayne Federman got there around 1981, and he writes for Jimmy Fallon and also opens for him when they tour together. Wayne took notes through the whole interview, as each person’s comments reminded him of another story he wanted to tell.

I tried my best to have each comic go one at a time. It would be impossible to try and transcribe an interview of comics trying to shout over one another, which is inevitably what happens when comics begin reminiscing.

Joe Bolster didn’t get to The Strip until 1979, and Chris Rock raved about him during his own interview, about how no one could kill like Joe Bolster on a Saturday night at The Strip.

Every single comic has his own impression of Lucien Hold, the legendary manager of The Strip for 25 years, but so far Joe Bolster nailed it best as far as I’m concerned. He had examples of the kind of obscure references that Lucien would make very matter-of-factly in his every day speech. Things like “ Robert Lowell the poet from Massachusetts, invented iambic pentameter once”, or “ Copernicus, who I thought was a little bit fey, remarked that the planets were not aligned properly during the medieval era”.

But it was his story about the time he missed a weekend spot and had to make up an excuse to Lucien that stood out for me. He had only been working there about two months and missing a weekend show was grounds for capital punishment.

Joe had met a girl after his first show, took her back to some other comic’s apartment to have his way with her, and never made it back for the second show. As he entered the club later that night, he knew he had to come up with a spectacular excuse for Lucien who greeted him with, “ So Mr. Bolster, I couldn’t help noticing you were unavailable for your scheduled spot on show number two.”

And Joe was like, “ Lucien, I’m so sorry but the most horrible thing happened. At the end of my first show I met this girl, and I took her back to Peter Bayles’ apartment and at the end she had an epileptic seizure.” And without missing a beat Lucien goes, “ Petit or Grand Mal?” ( The group of us fell down laughing, cause it was one of the best examples of Lucien that anyone had.)

Rick Newman the founder of Catch A Rising Star is an icon in comedy and I had been looking forward to interviewing him for the book for a long time. He had opened Catch in 1973, and until The Strip opened in ’76, it was basically The Improv and Catch. The Strip changed that dynamic and I was looking forward to getting Rick’s take on the whole thing.

Rick and Richie Tienken always got along well and actually helped each other out if they needed a comic to fill in cause they were only a few blocks apart. Richie admitted to Rick that Rick was his hero, and his inspiration for opening The Strip, and they hugged. It was a great moment to see these two comedy legends together.

Rick is doing so many exciting new projects. He’s also on the Entertainment Committee of The Friars Club, and is Exec. Producer of the huge hit, Celebrity Autobiography, the show where celebs read from other celebs autobiographies. The show is currently at The Triad Theatre, but looks like it’s going national.

Rick was also interviewed for the documentary, and stayed around to see Susie Essman who came in to be interviewed after him. That was a really fun day. Susie says I have more photos with her than she has with her husband Jimmy. I don’t feel right using old photos in this column, so I always try and get a new photo every time I see the person.

Me, Rick Newman, Susie Essman, Richie Tienken, plus filmmakers Abby Russell, Brent-Sterling Nemetz at The Strip.

Comedy Matters Quickies

Fashion PR guru Kelly Cutrone invited me to her book signing at Barnes and Noble, for her book, “If You Have To Cry, Go Outside,” which is basically the fascinating story of her hard won rise to fame and success in the world of fashion PR.

It was so great to see her cause it had been a while. Kelly and I go back to my early days in Manhattan, and I actually reminded her of the event I attended that really put her on the map. She did a show in an art gallery called “Love, Spit, Love,” which was basically naked couples in different amorous positions. The press she achieved for that was astronomical. I still remember the barricades they had out front because the crowds waiting to get in were so huge.

People’s Revolution’s Kelly Cutrone and I reunited at Barnes and Noble.

So when she saw me in the packed room she gave me a shout out on the mic. She also hooked me up with some of her shows during fashion week. Her Monday night show on Bravo, “Kell On Earth” is one of the best reality shows on the air, and I wish her much luck with it.

I don’t know what it is with my friends from the 80’s and 90’s but they all wound up on TV. I wish it would happen to me! (LOL, … but not really!) LuAnn DeLesseps, also known as Countess LuAnn from the Real Housewives of NYC, and I partied hard back in the day, way before she became a real Countess. In those days she was just a Princess, named LuAnn Nadeau and she was a nurse, and a model.

She had a magical transformation, wound up modeling in Europe, met a Count, got married and the rest is history, as they say in certain small towns in the Far East. To me she’s the highlight of the show, not just cause we’re such old friends but because I think she handles herself best, and has the least number of “cringe” moments on the show.

Me and Countess LuAnn at La Pomme for the Housewives premiere.

She wasn’t able to make the red carpet for the Kevin Hart show cause she was attending an event at the UN that night, but instead she invited me to the Housewives premiere party for the first episode of Season 3 at La Pomme. I went and it was definitely fun.
( Hey Lu, when am I gonna be on?)

Sandy Hicks’ Rockers on Broadway, a benefit show which she produces with Donnie Kehr of Jersey Boys, (who founded Rockers in 1993), is always a spectacular event, and I never know who I’m going to run into there. This time it was Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling, Steven Van Zandt who was there in his music persona as Little Steven, and not as Silvio of The Sopranos, with his beautiful wife actress Maureen Van Zandt, and Vincent Pastore, who even if he was singing and dancing, would still remind you of “Big Pussy” of The Sopranos.

“Rockers” brings rock stars together with Broadway stars to raise money for good causes, and this time it was a star-studded event for The Children of Haiti.

Vinny ran an auction and made people offers they couldn’t refuse to bid on items. He raised lots of money. Who says “No” to Vinny Pastore?

Constantine Maroulis, Stevie Van Zandt, and Donnie Kehr backstage at Rockers on Broadway.

Among other stars that performed were Christian Hoff, 2006 Tony Award winner for Jersey Boys, J.Robert Spencer of the same show, Grammy Award winner Larry Gatlin, who’s always there for Rockers, Michael Lanning (The Civil War), Jeremy Schonfeld (Drift), Tony nominee for Rock of Ages, and American Idol star Constantine Maroulis, and an old, old friend, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Gene Cornish of The Rascals.

Gotham Happenings

As usual Gotham had a line-up that kept me busy this month. I went down to see Jeff Dye from Last Comic Standing who is not only very funny and works pretty clean, but is also a genuinely nice guy who was grateful when I told him I enjoyed his show.

The very talented, and hard working Vanessa Hollingshead was the MC, and is one of the few women that can really control a crowd.

Lenny Marcus and Jeff Caldwell after killing at Gotham.

Jeff Caldwell was up next. Jeff is really so clever, and cracks me up with observations like “ People in the year 1516 were so wise. Many of them lived to be 30.” Or after commenting that eating at a restaurant named Ed’s Kountry Kitchen, spelled with a “K” might lead to “Kountry Kramps,” he went on to wonder about the excitement over anti-bacterial soap. “ I kinda thought that was part of our original contract with soap in the first place. What have I been using all these years?”

Perennial crowd pleaser, (as opposed to one who only pleases part of the time!), Lenny Marcus complains that girls often say, “ I’m tired of meaningless sex.” Well, what do you want to do, dedicate it to somebody? O.K. Lenny, this one’s for the troops!” Hysterical.

Me, and Jeff Dye at Gotham. The taller Jeffrey uses the shorter version of the name.

Jeff Dye thinks that LA is weird and has a real double standard. “If a girl goes out and sleeps with a lot of guys she’s a slut. If a guy does that he’s homosexual.” And concerning gay marriage, Jeff is convinced that knowing the pitfalls of any kind of marriage, gay guys probably vote “No” themselves, when they’re alone in the voting booth. They’re still guys. I would love to Eric, but it’s against the law!”

Aries Spears headlined a great show, MC’ed by Buddy Fitzpatrick. Eddie Brill who books Letterman was there to see Joe Wong do his 5 minute Letterman bit before he went on the show for his first time, and Joe killed with lines like, “ I was once the youngest baby in the world.”

Me and and Aries Spears throwing down the comedy version of gang signs backstage at Gotham!

Aries said that Black people didn’t have to worry about getting Anthrax, “cause we don’t open our mail anyway. You wanna give Black people Anthrax, put the powder in a Jay-Z CD.” Great line!

Comedy Covers

The great Jim Breuer did an interesting show. In music, certain bands do “covers”, meaning they sing another band’s song. Jim did a show called “Comedy Covers” where comics do another comic’s material. It’s a great idea and very funny.

Several of the comics didn’t do themselves doing the comic they covered, they did impressions of someone ELSE doing the comic they covered.

Me, Jim Breuer, and Mike Bochetti downstairs at Gotham.

Vinnie Brand was great doing Gilbert Gottfried doing Mitch Hedburg with lines like “ A lollypop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.” And “ If you’re a fish and want to be a fish stick, you have to have very good posture.” And finally, “ My fake plant died because I didn’t pretend to water it.”

Bib DiBuono did a great Rich Vos including the backwards hat, and chided the audience with, “ You want poetry, go to Soho!”

Mike Bochetti who I love despite the fact that he forgot he had booked me on The Testosterone Show, did a spot, but I don’t recall who he covered. Even the hilarious Jim Gaffigan came in and did a set including Jack Nicholson doing a Gary Shandling joke.

Bob DiBuono and Vinnie Brand at Jim Breuer’s show at Gotham.

Joey Kola killed with his impression of Joe Pesci making cornbread, which was so good that Jim Breuer, who also does a great Pesci, joined him on stage for “Dueling Pesci’s” doing the legendary Abbot and Costello bit, “ Who’s On First.” It was a fantastic show.

I’ll end on what has become one of my favorite shows to attend. Once a month Anthony Anderson and Royale Watkins, who call themselves The Good-Time Brothers, do their Mixtape Show and each one is better than the last.

Anthony is a great host, and a real gentleman, and has surrounded himself with what seems to be a crack team of people. (And I don’t mean that they’re on crack!)

Dean Edwards is always really funny, but he also does GREAT impressions, and imitates accents which are real crowd-pleasers.

Joey Gay talked about how in the ghetto KFC doesn’t stand for Kentucky Fried Chicken. It stands for Kennedy Fried Chicken, cause you can get assassinated there.

It was the first time for me seeing Pat Brown, who was a big hit with the crowd, and then Dwayne Perkins came on and killed with lines like when his gf asks him, “ When are you gonna do the dishes?” Dwayne: “ I’m not sure. First I’m gonna watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and then read The Old Testament.”

He also had a great money saving tip. Send someone a letter for free by putting their name and address in the return area, and your own name in the “To” area, so when it gets “returned” for insufficient postage, it gets where you wanted it to go in the first place! Ingenious.

Anthony Anderson, Tichina Arnold, and Royale Watkins at Gotham’s Mixtape Show.

Lots of celebs just show up, like Tichina Arnold, known best from the sit-coms Martin and Everybody Loves Chris. I didn’t recognize her at first with her long sexy hair, when she came over and complimented me on MY hair. I love a woman with good taste!

The musical guests were writer/performers Full Force who looked like two bodybuilders, (one with the great name “Bowlegged Lou”), who were such good dancers you’d have thought they were small and thin. The show just totally rocks!

Next month, Sat. April 24th, get ready for Darcy Novick’s 8th annual Long Island Comedy Festival at Westbury starring Bob Nelson, Richie Minervini, Angel Salazar and Scott Record. A portion of the proceeds will benefit Comedy Cures.

Anyway, until next time, remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

Comedy Matters with Russell Peters, Kevin Hart and more

The Phenomenon That Is Russell Peters

Russell Peters is not just a comedian. He’s a phenomenon, and that’s a hard word to type more than once! I’ve often referred to him as The Messiah of Comedy, because he has such a diverse audience and makes people of all backgrounds laugh together, and at each other. And he can imitate every accent in the world, but nothing is funnier than when he does the Indian accent. With the requisite head movements!

The show opens with a two minute film where Russell magically morphs into about 100 characters within the two minutes. It was made by his cousin Shaelin. (I hope I spelled that right!)

Russell is just too hip. He comes out on a stage fit for a rock star. And he’s just so calm and relaxed. Like he’s in his living room. Not one, but two DJ booths, with two hot DJ’s on the ones and twos. DJ Spinbad in one, and DJ Starting From Scratch in the other. It was great to see those guys again.

Russell Peters’ backdrop on the stage at Radio City Music Hall in New York.

So the audience comes in to hot music, and doesn’t just have to sit there waiting for the show to start, twiddling their thumbs. (Coincidentally, there’s a brand new course on thumb twiddling at The Learning Annex.)

It was Russell’s 20th anniversary of performing and he was on his Green Card Tour. I was so happy to receive an e-mail from his assistant a couple of weeks back saying that Russell and Clayton (his brother and manager), would like to invite me to his show, and to the after-party at Radio City Music Hall. That’s six thousand seats!

Russell Peters and I at Radio City using the big pens in a different way!

Russell sold that out two nights in a row. Along with my tickets was an actual green card that gave you access to the after party. You had to stick it to your clothing. The guards made you put it on, I guess to avoid giving it to someone else. I fooled them by only taking the top piece of paper off the sticky side, and putting it on my jacket, and as soon as I walked through, I put the paper back on and kept the card as a souvenir.

At the after party, I asked Russell what the largest crowd was he ever played to. He said 18,000 people. In Canada. Vancouver to be exact. Four nights in a row. That’s 72,000 people who came out to see him perform.

And I get nervous in a room of 30!

South Beach Comedy Festival

In the midst of 23 degree weather in New York, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to go to Miami for a few days? Especially when you’re being flown out there as I was to cover the South Beach Comedy Festival for Punchline Magazine.

The festival featured Gabriel Iglesias, Mike Birbiglia, Kevin Hart, Brian Regan, and a couple of guys from The Daily Show, namely Rory Albanese who is not only the producer, but also a great stand-up comic, and the great John Oliver who puts on such a fantastic English accent you’d think he was actually a Brit. And he manages to keep it up through his entire act! It’s amazing.

Needless to say I had an incredible time. The success of a comedy festival is not based only on the comedians. In this case it was thanks to two people in particular, Woody Graber the P.R. person for the festival, and Aubrey Kessler the fantastic director of the festival.

Woody Graber, me, and Aubrey Kessler at Lucky Strike Bowling Lanes.

Between the two of them they made sure I was totally hooked up. I was given the Spa Penthouse in a fantastic little boutique hotel called The Sanctuary. My rainfall shower was the size of a small room, and there were three flat screen TV’s in this one room. There was one near the bed, one outside the shower, and even one in the bathroom. The hotel spared no amenities, and had a fantastic restaurant called Ola, that was packed every night, so definitely check it out next time you’re in Miami.

A scene from my room at The Sanctuary.

What made it even better was that it was literally right around the corner from The Fillmore Theatre where I went to see Gabriel Iglesias, Kevin Hart, and Rory Albanese and John Oliver from The Daily Show.

It was also walking distance from the shows on Lincoln Road where Mike Birbiglia was performing. I had a fantastic time, and the manager, Max Dietermann made sure I was taken care of from the moment I checked in till the moment I left.

People often ask me if I ever write anything bad about any of the performers I see. I have a concept that guides me concerning things like that. Having performed comedy myself, I know how hard it is. You take your life in your hands stepping out on a stage trying to make people laugh. Because I have so much respect for comics, if I don’t like someone’s act I just don’t write about them. I don’t include them in what I write. It’s like they don’t exist. I’d rather not put out any negative energy to the world. There’s already enough of that.

The first night of the festival, things got kicked off with a show and party at the Lucky Strike Bowling Lanes.

Only comedians would be expected to perform over the noise of bowling. Like it’s not hard enough to make people laugh. You need to be hearing loud screaming, and pins falling in the background besides. They had roped off part of the bowling alley for the show. At one point in the show I walked over to the other side where people were trying to concentrate on bowling and realized that they were forced to try and bowl while listening to the comedy, so both sides had it rough.

I got to see two talented acts that first night that stuck out in my mind. One was Will Hatcher who I saw again at the big party at The Gansevoort Hotel, where he was hosting the red carpet, and so when he interviewed me I was able to tell him I thought he was really good.

The other act was two guys who go by the name “A Pair of Nuts,” and they definitely are. Johnny Trabanco and Yamil Piedra are the two guys, and they are a two man sketch group that are very funny, and inventive on stage.
Needless to say if you’re performing in an active bowling alley you can’t expect to have great dressing rooms, so I met with them in a utility closet where they were changing, so I could snap their photo and show people what it’s like when you’re first starting out.

Johnny Trabs and Yamil Piedra, A Pair of Nuts with “a Pair of Bacardi Rum Bottles.”

Next year I hear they’ll be performing in a gas station!

Gabriel Iglesias is just so funny, and one of the nicest guys in the business. Lots of guys are funny, but they’re not that nice. He’s both. He was so concerned about the sound not being right in the first four rows that he comped the people who were sitting there, and kept stopping his show to inquire about them. He’s gracious to a fault and after the show stayed to greet every single audience member who wanted to meet him, despite the fact that the security was anxious for him to wrap it up.

He brought his boys from LA with him. Four Mexican comics, and they were all hysterical. Martin Moreno was the MC., then Alfred Robles, and then Noe Gonzales who made the astute observation that you never see a Black guy with a cat. They might have a dog, but never a cat. You’ll never hear a Black guy yelling out, “ Yo Boots!”

The same way I don’t write bad stuff about people, I can’t go backstage if someone I know had a bad set, cause I don’t seem to have the ability to lie, or to hide my feelings. If someone has a bad show, they know they had a bad show, and if I try and say “Great show” they know I’m lying, and it makes it even worse.

With Gabriel I ran backstage cause I LOVED his show and the first thing he said when he saw me was, “You got it with you?” And I knew exactly what he meant. He was referring to my big pen. That’s PEN, like the kind you write with!

Someone gave me that pen a couple of years back, and I’ve been carrying it ever since. When I first met Gabriel out in LA at the Latino Comedy Festival, I had the pen, and it made such an impression on him that he never forgot it. I also carry a medium size pen in case the big one is too big for whoever!

Gabriel Iglesias and I, each with a big pen, in Miami.

The next night I went to see Kevin Hart. Everyone went to see Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart is a star. Shortly before his show I got a text message from Aileen Budow from Comedy Central that she was on her way to see him too. People LOVE Kevin Hart. And the theater was PACKED!

His road manager Nate Smith, who’s a really nice, hard working guy, makes sure that everything goes down the way it’s supposed to, and because of that was the brunt of Kevin’s jokes for the last part of his set.

Me and Kevin Hart backstage in Miami.

Opening for Kevin was his boy Na’im Lynn who travels with Kevin a lot. That’s an enviable position to be in, opening for a guy who’s on his way to the top. Na’im says he’s finally ready to settle down. All he needs to do is find two nice young ladies, …

When speaking of his favorite body parts, he says he likes “ass” all day long. He says he likes girls who’s ass is so big, “when she sits down she looks tall!” And he had a great observation. He said that any guy who comes up behind another guy, puts his hands over his eyes and says, “Guess who?” is stone gay. And if you’re the guy and you “guess who” you’re gayer than he is! Hysterical!

Na’im Lynn and comic Michelle Buteau on the red carpet in Miami.

Kevin just has a very endearing way about him. Not only is he incredibly funny, but he’s a story teller. Not many of those. When he tells a story, it’s so expressive, he paints a verbal picture, and takes you on a ride with him, while you’re laughing the whole way. All I kept thinking through his whole show was, in about three weeks, my partner Jean Alerte and I are producing him at Westbury, and he’s gonna be AMAZING!

When I went backstage after the show, he was in his dressing room with a guy that looked just like Ludacris. And it wasn’t till after he left that I found out it actually WAS Ludacris. There was someone standing between us, and I couldn’t really see. I shoulda said, “Move bitch, get out the way! “

Comedy Central was filming Kevin constantly. Even backstage he was shooting promos for them. He was also chosen to be the host at the big festival party at The Gansevoort Hotel, where Comedy Central was filming the festivities.

Kevin had the mic, and interviewed most of the comics who performed. It seemed like he interviewed half of Miami by the time he was finished. I was dying to get on camera and plug our Westbury show, but I wasn’t able to hook it up. But everyone I spoke to about it already seemed to know, so that’s cool.

Jean and I saw Kevin again a few days later at the first of his ten sold-out shows at Carolines. I ran into Caroline and Andrew Fox walking into the party at The Gansevoort in Miami, and congratulated them on selling out Kevin’s shows so quickly.

Andrew asked me if we sold out Westbury yet, but I explained to him that Kevin had to promote his shows at Carolines first before he could do ours, and that we’d probably sell out in a week or so. Kevin has 200,000 followers on Twitter alone, and we only need 2800 people to fill Westbury! Hey Kev, start Tweeting!

Jean Alerte, Kevin Hart, and I backstage after his first show at Carolines.

CBS At The Comic Strip

So co-owner/founder of The Comic Strip Bob Wachs got on the phone to his friend CBS Pres. Les Moonves, to tell him about some talent that he and partner/co-owner and Pres. Richie Tienken are working with, and the next thing you know a CBS video team is at The Strip, along with agents from ICM.

They came to shoot the sets of Marina Franklin, Brian Scott McFadden, Ray Ellin, who was the host of the evening, Jermaine Fowler, and the great Chuck Nice, for possible CBS TV deals.

It was a packed house and every one of the performers had such a strong set. I think they were all really happy with the way things came out. Sometimes it’s better not to know who’s in the audience, so you just come out and do what you do, but in this case they all knew, and absolutely rose to the occasion.

Richie Tienken, Jermaine Fowler, and Bob Wachs being filmed at The Comic Strip.

Brian Scott McFadden recently made his first Letterman appearance and killed it. His bit on what women want in a man borders on comedic genius. Just to be able to remember it is a major accomplishment.

Marina Franklin had been chosen as one of Jay Leno’s correspondents for his late 10 P.M. show so we’ll have to see what happens with that. Ray Ellin is currently taping a series for AOL called Late Net with Ray Ellin, which I covered in a previous column, and Ray is a great host. He knows how to ask the right questions and make his guests feel comfortable enough to elicit the kind of answers that make for a good show.

Sexy Fairy Marina Franklin and Jeffrey at The Strip.

I think Bob looks at Jermaine as the next Eddie Murphy who Bob and Richie co-managed for 11 years, and you can’t say enough about Chuck Nice.

Chuck has managed to combine his real-life personality into his stage act. What I mean by that is that he is an intelligent, elegant kind of guy, who takes pride in his appearance. He can also be “street” and very cool.

He brings that mix to the stage. He can speak eloquently on a subject, in explaining his comedic premise to the audience, and then launch into a very hip take on what he just expounded upon. It’s what every comedian strives for, a unique comedy stage persona, and he goes back and forth effortlessly between the two Chucks.

We first met years ago, when he was the co-host of Leslie Gold’s Radio Chick Show, and I was a guest. Chuck and I just clicked, and I’ve seen him evolve into a really great talent. He’s a perfect example of what stage time can do for a performer.

Chuck Nice and I hangin’ at The Strip.

I always look forward to seeing him perform, and also to just seeing him ’cause he always has a smile and an upbeat mood to share with those around him.

At the same time that the CBS crew was there, the crew from Letterbox Pictures, led by Brent Sterling-Nemetz was there as well, filming the proceedings to be part of the documentary film being done for the 35th anniversary of The Strip coming up next year. Chris Rock is exec. producing, and Richie, Bob and myself are producers of the film.

Gotham Happenings

I hadn’t seen Tony Woods in too long, but I didn’t think it was long enough that I wouldn’t recognize him.

He was headlining at Gotham and just before the show this guy came over to say hello. He was all thugged out and “hard” looking, and it took me a minute to realize the guy I was talking to was Tony Woods. That and the fact that Jason Steinberg, his longtime manager was standing nearby.

Tony Woods in his “gangsta comic” persona with Joey Gay.

The man has different looks. The next night, when I saw him on Anthony Anderson’s Mixtape one year anniversary show, he looked like a Harvard graduate in a nice argyle sweater.

No matter what he looks like, the man is funny. Very funny. On his headlining show, Karen Bergreen was the MC. Her children drive her crazy by repeating the same question over, and over again. “Why don’t you love me mommy, why don’t you love me.” Her husband says, “ Now you know what it’s like to have a wife!”

One of my faves Ted Alexandro went next, and I think he spoke for all of us when he said, he wants to learn to speak real Chinese, cause he’s so tired of speaking fake Chinese.

Commenting on the fact that Obama is half Black and half White, he said, “Maybe someday we’ll have a woman President. Or maybe half a woman.”

I’ve often thought that Joey Gay’s performing voice was so loud that he didn’t need to use a mic. I guess he thought the same thing cause he did his whole set sans mic. Most guys you wouldn’t hear at all. Joey was still too loud! He makes up for it by being very funny.

Tony Woods has always been a crowd pleaser, but he’s not only funny, he’s also so clever, and he does a great African accent. I’ve said it many times, but audiences LOVE when someone does a good accent. It’s funny the way people mangle our language. Like a comedic anthropologist, Tony humorously examines all the different types of Black people.

Re: Aborigines, who he saw on his tour through Australia, he says he never saw a Black guy like that, … “even in Baltimore. It was like a horse meeting a zebra for the first time.”

He described a boomerang as an Australian murder weapon that comes back to you when you try and throw it away. That would never work as a murder weapon in this country. He said, “No Black guy wants to throw away a murder weapon and have it come back.” The visual of a guy trying to throw away a gun, and having it come back was absolutely hysterical.

Tony never seems to run out of material. He did his hour seamlessly, not like some guys who suddenly ask the audience, “So what do you want to talk about now?” The only reason he ever stopped was because he had another show to do.

I saw Tony again the next night at Anthony Anderson and Royale Watkin’s amazing Mixtape Show. I am now a loyal fan, and will try and make it every month. This was their one year anniversary and they KILLED IT!!! It was filmed for the Internet on Ustream.com.

The same Tony Woods in his Harvard Professor get-up with Royale Watkins.

Anthony opened the show, and introduced the hysterical Rodney Perry, an LA based comic I had seen before. Then Mark Viera stepped up, and also brought the house down, as I had also seen him do previously.

I was glad to see Carmen Lynch up there who was commenting on how when you break up with someone suddenly everything you see reminds you of that person. She said she was dating a Black guy, and when they broke up, not more than a week later there were Black people everywhere.

Tony Woods was on that show also, and did a bunch of things he hadn’t done the night before. The man is a never-ending source of material.

Besides a rap battle, there was even a dance off and Anthony Anderson showed himself to be an amazing dancer. He even did a complete body flip on stage. The man is so agile, he moves like he used to be a stripper. He recently lost 30 pounds and looks great, but despite the fact that he’s still a big guy, he’s got moves that would make Randy Jackson’s Best Dance Crew. For real!

Anthony Anderson, me, and Rodney Perry at Gotham’s Mixtape Show.

Comedy Matters Shorts

I’m In The Press

It was a good start to the year for me and Comedy Matters press-wise.

Within a period of a week, I had a story in Crème Magazine about me being one of the producers of the documentary film on The Comic Strip, that Chris Rock is exec. producing, had the classic 4-in-one photo of me, Belzer and Paul Shaffer, holding a photo of me, Belzer and Paul Shaffer, holding a photo of me, Belzer and Paul Shaffer, holding still a fourth photo of me, Belzer and Paul Shaffer in an article by Mandy Stadtmiller in the NY Post, and in light of the terrible events involving Artie Lange, was featured in a big story on ABC.com on the dark side of comedy, (known to anyone in the biz) , and was quoted throughout.

I know we all send Artie our love and prayers for his speedy recovery to good health.

The famous 4-in-one photo of me, Belzer and Shaffer. (Photo by Richard Lewin of The Friars Club)

Mark Anthony Ramirez at Iguana

Mark Anthony Ramirez is a comic we should see more of. He launched a new comedy show with Sean Lynch at The Iguana café on West 54th Street on Tuesday evenings at 8 P.M. I attended the opening at which Lynch was the MC.

Great comics like Carole Montgomery, Joe DeRosa, who does a masterful bit on how people go crazy by living in New York, and Jamie Kilstein performed, but guest star Janeane Garofalo had to cancel at the last minute due to illness.

Fortunately for everyone, the great Colin Quinn stepped in and did his usual amazing, genius take on every ridiculous thing you ever saw and experienced in your life, but didn’t have the wherewithal to comedically dissect.

Mark Anthony Ramirez and Colin Quinn at Iguana.

Colin is a master of language, whether it’s examining the people who ask you a question and answer it for you, “ How you doin’, … good?” And even if you say something like, “my girlfriend just broke up with me,” they insist on ignoring that by saying, “Yeh, but you’re doing good right?”

Or guys who have to act out physically on YOU, what they did to someone else, while regaling you with the story. This is fine until the story involves throwing the guy against a car and beating the crap out of him, and you have to remind them that you are only an actor in their fantasy, and don’t deserve to be beaten.

Gabrielle Bernstein Adds More “ING” To Your Life

Gabrielle Bernstein is a very successful motivational speaker whose new book, “Add More – ing To Your Life” is called “A Hip Guide To Happiness.” (addmoreing.com) I went to her book party, and just had to show you a photo of the dress she was wearing. It definitely belongs in Comedy Matters!

This dress may not make Gabrielle Bernstein happy, but it makes us VERY happy!

Fundraiser for Haiti

My partner Jean Alerte and myself are producing “Kevin Hart Live” on Feb. 20th at the Capital One Bank Theatre in Westbury, Long Island, starring the hilarious Kevin Hart who sells out every show he does.

My partner Jean is Haitian, and literally three days before the quake, I brought him to meet my longtime friend Unik Ernest, the nightlife impresario who is also Haitian, so that we could align ourselves with a charity to receive part of the proceeds from our show.

I knew they would get along, and Unik is the founder of Edeyo (edeyo.org), which means “ Help Them” in Haitian Creole. It’s a Haitian charity that dedicates itself to helping educate Haiti’s poorest children. They recently built a school for 200 kids. We decided to make our charity Edeyo.

Wil Sylvince and I just chillin’ at the 40/40 Club.

Three days later, the tragedy occurred, and we already had everything in place. On Monday, Jan. 25th we held a fundraiser for Haiti at Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club, and raised about $6,000. plus lots of food, bedding and supplies for the Haitian people.

I myself donated about ten bags of clothing to Haiti, and three days later I got them back with a note that said, “Thank you anyway. We’re desperate, but not THAT desperate!”

Wil Sylvince attended the fundraiser. Our show on the 20th also features TV/film star Tony Rock, and Wil will be the MC. Check it all out at kevinhartlive.com.

Anyway, until next time, remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

Bill Maher: Bill kills

A Barack Obama presidency has, in no way, slowed down Bill Maher’s attempt to deconstruct all that’s wrong with American politics. In fact, he’s got plenty more to say. The proof is in his new live HBO comedy special premiering on Feb. 13.

There isn’t too much that can be said about Bill Maher that hasn’t already been committed to a thousand pieces of journalism. We know him best as the pot-smoking pundit who, for almost two decades, has entertained and informed audiences with a sharply critical rhetoric on everything from organized religion to the toxicity of America’s food supply.

As his HBO ratings knockout Real Time prepares for its new-season debut on Feb. 19 as well as the premiere of Maher’s ninth HBO special, But I’m Not Wrong, which airs live on Feb. 13, here’s what America’s most outspoken social critic had to say for himself in a conversation with Emma Kat Richardson. (Portions of this interview and introduction were originally published in Real Detroit Weekly.)

Do you prefer doing stand-up or doing your show, and do the benefits of one outweigh the other?
Well, you’re asking me which one of my children I like better. But since I don’t have children, I’ll answer this question. I have to say, if I had to choose, stand-up. It’s the most fun I can ever have with my pants on. It’s very pure – I’ll put it that way. Well, pure in the sense that it’s just me, my jokes, and the audience. There’s no time limit; there’s no network; there’s no people sitting on the panel, you know, cutting me off. It’s all about making people laugh out loud continually for an hour and a half. There are very few places where you can go for that nowadays: there are very few places you can go where you can laugh until you’re exhausted, and that’s my goal.

How much of your stand-up act is really you and how much is an onstage persona?
Oh, it’s all me. I have no onstage persona. Once in a while, people will not quite know who you are but will know your face, and they’ll say, “Oh, hey, I know you, you’re an actor!” That’s the one thing that makes me kind of bristle. No, I’m not an actor; I’m the opposite of an actor. I’m not acting at all, I never say anything I don’t believe. I’m a comedian and I tell jokes, and jokes are not always about [truth]: the premise may be true, but the joke part is an exaggeration, but people understand that. I am exactly who I am, I think. Even when people who’ve known me through television first get to know me later, that’s the comment I’ve heard many times: “Boy, you’re not really that different from what you are on the air.”

It’s a good thing for what I do – it wouldn’t be a good thing if I was trying to be an action movie star. Then you’d want to be, you know, larger than life. Television is an intimate medium, and what I’m doing, what I’m selling, is keeping it real. So if you’re going to be the keep it real dude, you should be real. If I came in with a facelift next season, for example, I’d understand why the audience would peel away. [Laughs]. They’d be like, “Oh, this is the guy we thought was very authentic; we’d think he was never pulling a punch when he talks, and here he is now with a tummy tuck or whatever.”

Do you ever revisit some of your material from the ‘80s?
God, no. I had an HBO special in 2007; I wouldn’t even do a joke from that! I mean, maybe one: there’s a couple that if they fit, people will say to me all the time, you know, “Do that thing!” Once in a while I will do that, but people who come to see me when I do a stand-up show are seeing almost all new stuff, because jokes are not like music. In music, people want to hear the hits they heard 40 years ago, but as a comedy fan myself, I don’t want to hear that. If I go see a comedian, I don’t want to hear his old act: I know those jokes, and when you know a joke, it’s sort of over. With exceptions, as I say – some bits, you can hear more than once. But basically, I want to keep it as fresh as I can for them.

Have you ever had to struggle to make your act so prolific?
I just stop. After I do an HBO special, then I won’t do stand-up for a while. It’s like, after you harvest a crop, you have to let the field lie fallow, so you can grow more jokes.

So that’s what you’re growing in your basement: jokes.
Well, among other things, but we don’t have to talk about that.

Do you find audiences in some of the more economically depressed areas of the country to be more or less receptive to your material? How have they reacted to it?
Oh, they love it, because I think I’m voicing what I know a lot of people are feeling, which is a lot of frustration at the corporatist scant of America right now. Back when I was starting to get on Obama’s case, my own studio audience was booing me. It’s a liberal audience, and we all like Obama – I certainly like Obama – but people are turning to the point of view that I’ve been expressing for a while: unless he gets off his corporatist ass, he’s becoming a big disappointment.

This is not change that we can believe in, that we all thought we were getting. No public option in health care – he seemed to back down on that. No real reform for the banks that caused this giant economic mess that has caused such misery in Detroit and everywhere else in the country. People are getting very frustrated with this president. He seems to always be trying to placate the crazies on the right instead of rallying the people who voted for him. I think there is a level of frustration with continued personal affection that we have for him. But you know, he’s not our boyfriend – he’s the president.

Do you think a lot of his unwillingness to stand up to corporate interests has to do with his campaign funding?
I do. He got half his money from corporations. They made a big deal about the fact that he raised more money from small donations than anybody – that’s true. He raised $400 million just from average people, and that’s an impressive achievement, but he also raised $400 billion from fat cats and corporations. I think that tells you a lot.

Did you read the article in Time about comedians having a tougher time coming up with topical material in the age of Obama?
Oh, Christ. I’ve read that in every fucking magazine. Yes, they’ve been asking that, and they’re finally starting to stop asking that: you know, can comedy continue after George Bush? Yes, George Bush was funny, but, yes, it continued. Hallelujah!

I’m having more fun than ever with the material, and I think George Bush probably was the greatest comedic punching bag we’ll ever have, but anything gets tired after eight years. I mean, I was thrilled when he left office, because there was new stuff to talk about, and of course, if you want to, as many comedians do, just concentrate on how crazy the right-wingers are, they’re more crazy than ever. When they’re out of power is when they’re really scary. When they’re out of power is when they’re really funny, because they’ve completely gone batshit; they’re absolutely not connected to reality. Tea-baggers, and Texas threatening to secede, and the Glenn Becks and the Rush Limbaughs – this stuff is very rich, so comedy is just fine.

Since we got to see your childhood background with religion in Religulous, I’ve always wanted to know whether you had a similar experience with politics. Did you grow up in a civic-minded household?
Yes, I did. My father was a news guy – my father worked in radio news. News and what was going on in the world, current events, was always something that was discussed in my house, which is something that’s not that typical in America. I think that’s much more of a European thing. In Europe, there’s a cafe society – people sit out at night at cafes and they talk about what’s really going on. We don’t do that: we sit at home and watch television.

So, in that sense, it was always sort of in my blood, that interest in the news. On Real Time, we definitely have our audience, but it will never be a cafe society. This will always be a society that prefers diversion over education. American Idol will get 30 million people and Bill Moyers Journal will get 300,000. That’s who we are.

Do you think that there’s a natural kinship between righteous anger over certain issues and the ability to make them humorous?
Yeah, probably, but what I wonder about is, why aren’t people more angry? Considering how much they’re poisoned, ripped off, and lied to in this country, why aren’t they rising up? I thought Capitalism: A Love Story was [Michael Moore’s] greatest ever – it’s the perfect meeting of a man at the top of his game as a filmmaker meeting the exact right subject matter.

Michael has always been about corporations screwing the little man: this is what Roger and Me was about 20 years ago. So in a way, he’s come full circle in this movie, and it’s a brilliant movie. He seems to want people to rise up, and seems to be asking them to rise up, and the movie is sort of intimating that they are going to rise up, but I don’t see it. I don’t see people rising up; I really don’t. Maybe they should stop giggling and get angry. I think we’re doing a disservice by making them laugh. [Laughs].

Is it difficult sometimes to form jokes around serious subject matter?
Not for me. I’ve always been interested in it. There are some comics who love the trivial. There are a million comics who have tried to be Jerry Seinfeld, and Jerry is a guy who can make the trivial into something incredibly fascinating. He can talk about the socks in the dryer and it’s brilliant. But, unless you do that kind of comedy exactly right, I find it to be shallow and corny. It’s very hard to be Jerry Seinfeld, even though so many of them try.

But that was never the kind of comedy that interested me: I never talked about trivial matters, even when I was starting out. I was always interested in religion, politics – the big issues, the big meaty issues.

I’ve got to ask you about [disgraced former Detroit mayor] Kwame Kilpatrick. I remember when he was a guest on Real Time. Have you been following that scandal at all?
Well, I certainly know what happened. He’s doing time now, is he?

He’s out, and he’s now in Texas. But he was in jail.
Yes, I remember when he was on the show. He had a whole bunch of guys with him, kind of a posse, and had on this big suit. It did appear more like he was a celebrity than a mayor. If you didn’t know he was the mayor, you would have thought maybe he was high caliber. I don’t remember anyone else with that kind of presence – certainly not in politics. He did have more of an entourage than Jay-Z did – Jay-Z was on our show recently and he came in with just one guy.

Do you have any major career plans for life after Real Time?
No, you know, my big Moby Dick was Religulous. I always wanted to get a movie made about how stupid and dangerous religion is – it had never been done, and I had it in my craw for years and years. Finally got the right director, did the movie, and the movie did really good – people will stop me every day of my life, and probably for the rest of my life, and say, “Thank you for Religulous.”

So that was like my big Moby Dick that I had to harpoon, and other than that, I’m content doing the show. Next year will be our eighth year – I mean, Politically Incorrect was on for nine years, but I never thought we’d do this one for as long. Between that and stand-up, that’s plenty for me. I’m happy to do that – I’m not going to do any more movies. People say to me, “Are you going to do more documentaries?” No; I had one subject that I wanted to do, I did it, that’s it, I think I made my point, so I’m happy to go back to what I really do, which is being a stand-up.

There’s nothing that you set out to accomplish when you started your career that you feel like you haven’t achieved yet?
Not really, no. I mean, I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I don’t want to be an actor; I was an actor in the 80s, but that was the right thing for when you’re young and don’t really know what you want to do. I’ve been on TV for… Politically Incorrect went on in 1993. We’re coming up on 20 years – that’s the big middle chunk of your life. I would never have predicted that we’d have such a long run. I’m just happy it’s lasted this long.

Do you ever think about writing a personal memoir?
Yes. I’ve thought about it. I don’t know; I’ve put out four books, and those are great, but it’s not really a book age anymore. People don’t read ‘em. It’s just different: media has moved on, people’s habits have moved on. Twitter is 140 characters, and that’s challenging for people. Everybody puts out a memoir, and it’s like, “Whatever.”

Bill Maher’s new HBO stand-up comedy special But I’m Not Wrong premieres live at 10 pm on Feb. 13. For more info on Maher, check out BillMaher.com.

Comedy Matters with Judah Friedlander, Ralphie May and more

Comic Strip Xmas Party

The truth is I liked my last column so much it was hard for me to start to write this one. That’s a dangerous thing for a writer to fall in love with his own stuff! Anyway, thanks to all of you who sent your condolences on my Mom.

For the second year in a row, The Comic Strip had an amazing, kick-ass holiday party, and tons of fun people were there. The food was great and there was even a show. Owner Richie Tienken was there with his beautiful wife Jeannie, and co-owner Bob Wachs was there with his beautiful wife Tess.

Richie Tienken, his wife Jeannie and Chuck Nice at the Strip.

The great Scott Blakeman was the MC, and as he went around the room shpritzing everyone, he did me the honor of including me. First he acknowledged how many people there were from my mailing list.

Me and Scott Blakeman at The Strip.

Then he said, “ Jeffrey Gurian is here, … but he’s everywhere. As a matter of fact while he’s here, he’s also someplace else at this very moment!” It got a big laugh. ATTENTION SCIENTISTS: I seem to have conquered the physical principle of being in two places at the same time.

But it’s true. People come up to me all the time and tell me they see me everywhere. Why stay home when you can go out and have fun? Just to freak them out, the next day I turn up in their living room. That usually does it!

Jeffrey Ross doing his Ralph Kramden impression on Richie Tienken at the Xmas party at The Strip.

My wonderful friend Robin Byrd showed up, (Yup, that one from Ch. 35!), and really seemed to have a great time. I’m hoping that she and I will create a fantastically funny, sexy project for 2010. Keep your eyes and ears open for that, and any other orifices you have control over!

Robin Byrd, Me and Jordan Rock at the Comic Strip Xmas party.

Comic Strip Drop Ins

On any given night at The Strip you’re always likely to be surprised by at least one superstar drop-in. JR goes out of his way to accommodate people who are loyal to the club. World Champion Judah Friedlander comes by often not only to work out new material, but to keep audiences hysterical with the tried and true stuff he’s already got. The man is every profession you can name. Whatever an audience member says he does, Judah does it too, but much better.

The night I saw him he had already “had” 40 chicks, and that was within two hours of the show. He exercises on a treadmill that has hurdles on it, and often lifts weight lifters for exercise while they are lifting weights. That is so my kind of joke. It’s just such a great visual.

Comedian Jim Mendrinos and World Champion Judah Friedlander.

That same night Jim Mendrinos, the producer of the NY Underground Comedy Festival was also there to perform. Jim got such props from Chris Rock when I was interviewing him for the book I’m doing on the Strip. Everything was “Jim Mendrinos this” and “Jim Mendrinos that.” Jim will be very proud to read the book when it finally comes out.

I’ll be interviewing Judah for the book in February, right after he finishes working on his own book. When The Strip won the Guinness Book of records award for the longest continuous comedy show, (50 hours), produced by Ryan McCormick, Judah was the final performer who received the actual plaque.

Me and Judah holding the Guinness Book of Records plaque.

Then I ran into Kyle Grooms backstage at The Strip, who I also saw at Gotham this month. Kyle is always superb, and his CD The Legend of the Jersey Devil produced by Rooftop Comedy was named in Apple’s iTunes top 20 comedy CDs of 2009. He said 2009 was the year in the news for the light-skinned Black man. Barack Obama, (of whom he does a great impression), Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, and Chris Brown.

And right after him came the super-talented Modi who was in from LA. Modi does such great dialects I had to tell him he reminded me of comedy legend Sid Caesar, who was known for being able to make believe he was speaking so many different languages. But of course I told Modi he was like a “hip” version of Sid Caesar, because no young comic wants to be compared to a man in his mid to late hundreds! Even if he is a legend like Sid Caesar.

Kyle Grooms and Modi hanging at The Strip.

Ladies and Gentlemen – Ray Ellin

Besides being a really funny, well established comic, Ray Ellin is also a great host, and has been the host of his own celeb-driven Internet show called LateNet With Ray Ellin since 2007, where he’s had guests like Jeff Garlin, Darrell Hammond, Fran Drescher, Amy Sedaris, Hank Azaria, Leonard Nimoy and Chevy Chase.

In 2010 he will be taking that to a new level thanks to his deal with AOL, and the Asylum Network. The show will begin to air this month, and I was present at the first taping where his guest was the hilarious Susie Essman, and great comic Todd Barry. Later on that day he also taped Letterman’s longtime bandleader Paul Shaffer, actor Ralph (Ugly Betty) Maccio, and tennis great John McEnroe.

Ray Ellin and I on stage at the AOL studio.

I even got to contribute a fix for a line. Russ Meneve had written a funny bit about some guys stealing candy and winding up in jail where he said they would have their cavities filled. Great line. In rehearsal there was some discussion of how to play the line for it’s greatest punch, and I suggested making it stronger by saying “they wound up in jail where they would have ALL of their cavities filled.”

Protocol dictated that the writer of the line would have to agree to the fix, and Russ being the great guy that he is, agreed it would work, and so Ray said it that way. And it DID work! Only people in comedy know how important one little word can be in a joke.

Richie Tienken standing in for Russ Meneve, along with Ray Ellin's writers Dan Naturman, and Danny Lobell.

The show looks like it will be lots of fun, and features an opening monologue, celeb interviews, short films, and general insanity. I ran into the LateNet writing team of Russ Meneve, Danny Lobell, and Dan Naturman, all of whom are hysterical in their own right.

I think the show will be a great success and someday hope to be a guest! (Are you listening, Ray?)

Gotham Happenings

Besides a host of other things, what’s great about Gotham is that they always have paper surveys on every table that allow you to win tickets to SNL, or Letterman, and I use them to make notes for this column. Thanks, Chris!

Tony Rock Rocks Gotham

The great Tony Rock held court for three sold out nights at Gotham. The night I was there he gave his brother Jordan Rock a shot at performing a set for the packed house, and he killed it. It reminded me of the story when Chris Rock got the chance to perform for Eddie Murphy to a packed house at The Comic Strip and that event launched his career.

Tony said that Black people carry the stereotype of being lazy. But then he explained it. “We worked for 400 years for free. We’re just on vacation, that’s all!”

He also explained that alcohol is like a friend that talks you into doing sh*# and then disappears. “ Floor it man. Those cops can’t catch us. The next thing you know they’re puttin’ you in the cop car and where is alcohol? Nowhere to be seen!” After the show we all went over to celebrate at Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club, where Jordan tried to teach me Swag Surfin’, a new dance that he did very well, but that I can not do. Honestly, I don’t think I have enough pigment to do that dance!

Jean Alerte, Tony Rock and me at Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club.

I saw Tony again the next night when he did a set at Anthony Anderson’s monthly Mixtape show, where he explained that White people can say certain things that Black people can’t say, like for instance Black people can never ask the question, “ Is there a problem Officer? ”

Tony will be appearing in my show at Westbury in February, that I’m producing with Jean Alerte from Alerte Carter and Associates called “Kevin Hart Live.” From the name you might be able to tell that it’s starring the hilarious Kevin Hart, from 40 Year Old Virgin, Soul Plane, Scary Movie 3 & 4, and his TV special “I’m A Grown Little Man.” Award winning comic Wil Sylvince will be the MC.

Check that out at kevinhartlive.com Tickets are selling fast and there will be an incredible after-party as well.

Godfrey Is Hilarious

I saw some amazing comics at Gotham this month and Godfrey was one of them. Ryan Reiss was the MC, and Gina Brillon knocked it out of the park with her spot- on imitation of a NewYorican girl complete with phrases like “conversate” and “ he asked me pacifically.”

Thank G-d she knew that “conversate” is not a real word. I was starting to doubt that anyone really knew that. Gina Brillon single-handedly restored my faith in humanity. I find it hard to live in world where people gather to “conversate!”

Godfrey and I backstage at Gotham flashing Nigerian gang signs!

Godfrey too knows that people love accents, and when he imitated his Nigerian father, the audience fell out of their seats. (Fortunately no one got hurt! With hundreds of people falling out of their seats, it was an absolute miracle.)

No matter what his complaint his father always had it worse. Once when he complained about traveling far to school, his father said, “When I was your age I had to walk 100 miles to school, and when we got there, the school was not there. We first had to build the school.”

Then his father one-upped it and said, “When I was your age we didn’t even have feet!” Hilarious.

Nigeria’s been getting some rough press lately, with the Nigerian crotch-bomber, so maybe Godfrey can turn that whole thing around! Or at least maybe he could get some good material out of it!

Ralphie May Scores Big

Ralphie May is a big boy and he brought a big show to Gotham as well. He really doesn’t look like he weighs in at 385 which he claims, but I believe him cause no one’s gonna cop to that if it isn’t true. It’s not exactly a bragging point. Every once in a while you read about one of these 1,000 pound guys, where they have to tear down the front of the building to get the guy out to take him to a hospital, and it kind of makes you feel bad, … for the landlord.

No landlord can afford to keep tearing down his building every time a thousand pound guy has to go to the hospital, cause thousand pound guys tend not to be too healthy. Then they have to rebuild the building, and tear it down again when the guy comes home. And what if he has a relapse?

Construction crews would make a fortune, but the landlord could go bankrupt. So now before they rent an apartment, landlords these days are forced to ask, “ Are there any thousand pound men in your family?”

Me and Ralphie May outside of Gotham. There was no room inside!

Ralphie was his usual hysterical self and commented on Michael Jackson leaving his race. Ralphie asked, “ Do you have any idea how much money it takes to leave a race? Oprah Winfrey is still Black. That should give you some idea of how much money it takes!”

The Jewish Xmas Show

No one hosts a Xmas show like Jews, and Marion Grodin proved that, along with Jon Fisch, Rachel Feinstein, and Gary Gulman, the tallest Jew who ever lived. Thank G-d for Gary. Now if we could only talk him into having thousands of children, we’d be okay! Marion did her act standing up, although she claims that at her age, she prefers to lie down, and always craves a nap. She wonders how long she has to be up before it’s acceptable to lie back down again to take a nap.

When Jon Fisch looks on the Internet for a date, he doesn’t want to see photos of girls who are happy. He wants to see a photo of a girl who’s disappointed and angry, cause that’s how she’s gonna look for most of the relationship.

Rachel Feinstein seems to have gone through some kind of transformation, and I mean that in a good way. She was kind of dressed up, and looked really pretty. She always looked good, but most female comics don’t exactly dress to impress. This brings up a good point. How do you compliment a woman for the way she looks now, without making it seem like she didn’t look that great previously? That’s not what I’m saying. All I’m saying is she looked really good.

Marion Grodin, Gary Gulman and Rachel Feinstein chillin’ at Gotham for Xmas.

Anyway, my favorite part of Rachel’s act is when she imitates her mother and grandmother, in response to some street schleps trying to hit on her. Those voices are so distinctive. It makes me wish I could do that. And then there’s Gary Gulman, the ultimate mensch. Gary is not only really funny, he’s a genuinely nice guy, and comes from the heart!

Speaking on behalf of those of us of the “Hebraic Persuasion” he mentioned Christmas Eve, and then qualified that, “ or as we Jews call it, December 24th!” LOL Then he expounded on The Greeks who haven’t really had anything going on since around 300 B.C. “Lately all they’ve had is John Stamos and Yanni. It’s like they all got together and agreed, “ For the next couple of thousand years, let’s just concentrate on our salads.”

A couple of nights later, Gary headlined Gotham as well, along with the always funny Barry Weintraub as the MC, with Karen Bergreen, and Dwayne Perkins who had an interesting take on why men propose to women in quiet secluded areas. So that they won’t be checking out any passing girls while they are busy proposing! Hilarious, … but true!

New Talent?

For me the greatest part of the new talent night was the old talent. Vidur Kapur was the host, and you couldn’t ask for more in a gay, Indian comic. I first met Vidur years ago at an Indian comedy show, (before I even believed there was such a thing), at Don’t Tell Mama’s.

He’s come a long way, and will be headlining a show at Caroline’s Comedy Club this February 24th called “Indophile” as part of what he called a “Major South Asian Comedy Initiative Event.” Sounds serious. What is it sponsored by the government? I don’t know. Ask him not me! You can find him at www.vidurkapur.com

Todd Barry and Vidur Kapur at Gotham.

I also got to enjoy the comedy “stylings”, if you will, of Todd Barry, who’s so laid back, he’s almost asleep, except for the fact that he’s so funny. He commented on people who wear a BlueTooth earpiece, cause they’re embarrassed to wear a hearing aid. “ Hey, I thought you were deaf. Turns out you’re just a jackass.” People rave about the Mexican food in Mexico, as if you can’t get that in New York. “NYC has about 10,000 amazing chefs. About a dozen of them have figured out how to replicate the quesadilla.”

Show of Shows

If you thought Sid Caesar had a show of shows, you should have seen the line-up that Chris Mazilli put together on his “Tonight Show Show.” William Stephenson is a great MC, and he was the host. Nate Bargatze opened the show with a very interesting, and relaxed delivery. But it was his references to fistfighting with a chicken and being killed by ducks that drew me in. That’s the kind of unusual thinking I like.

Wali Collins said he met a girl who wrote her name as La-Ah, which is how he pronounced it, until she explained her name was LaDasha. Amy Schumer is almost getting too sexy to be a comic. But then again, there’s always Chelsea Handler, so I guess sexy and funny is cool. Rare but cool! I liked Chelsea from the first time I ever saw her at Carolines. Amy said to a guy in the audience, “You’re very cute. I wouldn’t even report you if you date-raped me.” She’s so funny.

Ted Alexandro and Amy Schumer in a serious pose guarding the rest rooms at Gotham.

Also part of the show was my old pal Rich Francese who was a big hit, and crowd pleaser Jessica Kirson whose infant imitations are killer. Then came one of my favorites. There’s something about Mike Vecchione that I can’t get enough of. Maybe it’s his deadpan delivery or the cleverness of his lines. As a writer, I always admire another good writer. (That sounded like I complimented myself!)

He acknowledges that he looks like a cop. Not a nice cop. Like a nasty Staten Island cop. So someone suggested to him that maybe he should be an undercover cop. He said, “ I hate to point out the obvious, but if I already look like a cop, it probably wouldn’t be that effective.” Then he signed up for an online private detective school that ripped him off for all of the money he paid to take the course. And he thought to himself, either I just got ripped off, or this is my first case. ( I think the audience applauded that joke!)

He said he was afraid his girlfriend had a sleepwalking problem. Turned out she was justleaving him in the middle of the night. The guy is hilarious!

Followed by another favorite of mine who’s also a great writer, Ted Alexandro. Ted said that not only is Barack Obama our first Black President, but thanks to him there will never be another White President, … because you know what they say! Some day, I would love to write for either Mike or Ted, … or maybe both! Who knows, … it could happen!!!

Comedy Matters Quickies

Susie Essman’s book party at The Friars for “What Would Susie Say?” It was a big success, packed, sold out, tons of people. I couldn’t even get a book. They were all gone. I took the millionth photo I have with Susie at that event. I’m pretty sure I have more photos with Susie than she has with her husband Jimmy.

Me and Susie Essman at The Friars. The one millionth photo.

Her close friend Joy Behar was also there to wish her luck, and buy a book.

Comedy Doll

“Hot” toy designer Julia Griffel and I are working on a comedy idea involving her amazing dolls, “The Griffeys.” More to follow on that!

Julia Griffel and I in formal mode at an Alerte Carter event.

Help for Africa

Just to prove Scott Blakeman right that I’m absolutely everywhere, I turned up at a fantastic Susan Blond event called Same Sky at the Ana Tsarev Gallery on West 57th Street. The event was to raise money to help women in Rwanda by buying beautiful bracelets that they made. Cleverly billed as “ A hand-up not a hand out.”

Nothing to do with comedy,but a great cause. And I ran into my good friend, the gorgeous international DJ Donna D’Cruz, who happens to be a big comedy fan, and who was one of the hosts of the evening.

Donna D’Cruz modeling her new bracelets with me at Ana Tsarev Gallery.

I may head down to the South Beach Comedy Festival at the end of January to catch Gabriel Iglesias, Mike Birbiglia, Aziz Ansari, Joe Rogan, Brian Regan, and Kevin Hart. Just waiting to hear from P.R. guy Woody Graber, and deciding whether I want to fly right now.

Letterbox Gets New Mailbox

Emmy award winning Letterbox Pictures, a film/tv production facility owned by producers Abby Russell and Brent Sterling-Nemetz has new fantastic offices on East 23rd Street. With great outdoor spaces for shoots of all kinds. I’m really excited that they are shooting the documentary film we are doing on The Comic Strip. I saw the trailer and it totally rocks. Check them out at http://letterboxpictures.com

Abby Russell and Brent Sterling-Nemetz at Letterbox.

Charlie Murphy also had a book party for his new book “ The Making of a Stand-Up Guy”, at the hot 40/40 Club, and I didn’t get a book there either. What’s going on here? I did get to make a plan with him to appear in both the book and documentary film we’re doing on The Comic Strip. His manager Richie Murphy, promised to set it up.

Charlie Murphy and I on the step and repeat at the 40/40 Club.

Richie also took me to be introduced to the legendary “Uncle Ray”, uncle to both Charlie and Eddie Murphy, and I ran into Ice-T again, who I seem to run into every few minutes, with his beautiful wife Coco. It was a really fun event.

P.S. Since the time of this piece Charlie Murphy lost his wife, Tisha Taylor Murphy to cancer. Our sincerest condolences go out to him, and his family.

Charlie Murphy, Coco, Ice-T, and Charlie Murphy at the 40/40 Club.

So anyway, until next time, remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

Comedy Matters with Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock and more

TRIBUTE TO MARJORIE GURIAN

This column will be kind of a double column due to the sudden passing of my beloved Mom, Marjorie Gurian, right at the time my last column was due. It just kind of rocked me, and brought home the concept that all we have is today.

Marjorie Gurian and her son, me. on her 81st birthday. I took her to see Jewtopia.

My Mom was 84, American born, with no accent, and had the greatest sense of humor, so I jokingly called her Mrs. Bubbashvin, whenever she acted too Jewish. We laughed constantly, even on her last day, and when I left her that night I told her I’d see her in the morning because I truly believed I would.

Some people complain they didn’t get enough attention growing up. The only thing my Mom was guilty of was giving me too much attention. I always said she’d still dress me if I let her. And she’d fix my hair in a nice pompadour.

I kept so many of her funniest voicemail messages, often saying something like,
“Jeffrey. Where are you? Are you okay? Please call me and let me know you’re okay.” When a crane fell near my neighborhood a couple of years back, the anguished calls I received told me she was sure it had fallen directly on me.

Needless to say, if I had a tattoo, it would have said, “Born To Be Nervous.”

To make her happy, I called her every day. And when she was ill I called her even more.

I was her advocate, and made sure she got the care she needed. She was married to my Dad, Raymond for 58 years. They’re back together again now. Rest in peace Mom! I miss you already.

SEINFELD COMES TO THE STRIP

The Comic Strip opened on June 1, 1976. On June 17, 1976, only 16 days later, a young comic named Jerry Seinfeld came in to audition. Owner Bob Wachs was there, auditioned him, and wrote on his sign-up sheet, “Good. Definitely put on Mon. 6/21.”

Jerry Seinfeld’s original sign-up sheet.

And that was the start of a career that would change the face of comedy forever. Sitting with Jerry, while Richie Tienken and I were doing the interview for the book we’re writing on the history of the club, I felt compelled to ask how he felt knowing his last name had become part of the lexicon.

Like I can’t picture a show named “Gurian” and Richie couldn’t picture a show called “Tienken” either, but it sounds so natural to say “Seinfeld.” Jerry said it happened so gradually that he got used to it.

The interview itself was amazing. Jerry was so kind, generous, funny, and forthcoming. He told some great stories, which will be appearing in the book, cause if I write them here, you won’t have to buy the book.

I will tell you two things. One, we were able to tell him a story he never knew. When Jerry was first starting out, comics didn’t get paid. Then they wanted to get paid, so there was a meeting of the club owners at The Strip to decide about paying them. It was Silver Friedman, Rick Newman, Richie, and probably more.

Me, Jerry Seinfeld, and Richie Tienken at The Comic Strip, in front of Jerry’s original headshot, visible over his left shoulder.

Jerry Seinfeld approached Rick Newman the legendary owner of Catch a Rising Star, who was standing with Richie Tienken and said, “I think the comics should get paid.” Rick said “Oh yeah, and who are you?” He said, “Jerry Seinfeld. I’m the MC at your club.” To which Rick replied, “We’ll see about that.”

Jerry got nervous and walked away. When he did, Richie stood up for Jerry and told Rick he was a good kid, and not to hold it against him. This is the part that Jerry never knew went down. Later that day, Jerry told Richie he was nervous to go to Catch, and Richie told him to just go and not worry about it, that Rick probably wouldn’t even remember. Jerry showed up and everything was fine.

Jerry ended his interview by saying he felt like he was born in 1976, because that was the year The Strip opened and the year his life really began. What a great interview!

GEORGE WALLACE DROPS BY THE STRIP

George Wallace was in town to do Letterman and The View and was working on some new material for his “I Be Thinkin’ Show” which is the top rated 10 pm show in Las Vegas.

You go out to Vegas and all you see everywhere you look is posters of George Wallace. You’d think he was the mayor. George is a real crowd pleaser, and the audience at The Strip got a special surprise when he came out unexpectedly to do a hilarious set, for which he got a standing ovation, which is not too common in a comedy club.

George, who is one of Seinfeld’s best friends, got to see Marina Franklin perform as well. I’ve been a fan of hers since I first met her some years back, and her career is finally, and deservedly blowing up. She just got chosen as one of Jay Leno’s comedy correspondents, and she’s opening for Bill Maher at Avery Fisher Hall, during Carolines New York Comedy Festival.

From left – JR, George Wallace, me, Richie Tienken, and in front the lovely “sexy fairy” Marina Franklin.

NYCUCF FUNNIEST REPORTER CONTEST

Jim Mendrinos and Carole Montgomery really outdid themselves this year with the NYC Underground Comedy Festival, that Jim took over from founder George Sarris. It was the biggest and best yet, and had some really great shows.

One of them was the Funniest Reporter Show, conceived and produced by P.R. genius Ryan McCormick who was also responsible for producing the longest comedy show on record, a 50 hour star-studded charity show listed in the Guinness Book of Records, also held at The Strip. The last performer of those 50 long hours was Judah Friedlander who was photographed holding the official plaque from the Guinness people.

For the funniest reporter show, each journalist got to work with a comedian or comedy writer as a mentor. I had the pleasure of working with Taryn Winter Brill, the feature reporter from Good Morning America. Taryn is really very funny, and may actually continue performing stand-up. I think she should, since she came in a strong third.

Producer/comic Carole Montgomery, me and Taryn Winter Brill at The Comic Strip.

Ray Ellin was the MC, and the winner was Marianne Schaberg from CNN, whose mentor was the always-funny Bernadette Pauley. Needless to say there was lots of press. We were filmed by a team from Good Morning America, and also by Letterbox Pictures who is also doing the documentary film to accompany the book for the 35th anniversary of The Comic Strip.

GOTHAM HAPPENINGS

Gotham Comedy Club is not only known for its headliners, it’s also known for it’s specialty shows. This past month I saw so much great talent at Gotham. I popped by one night to see Dom Irrera rock the house. Dom’s biggest surprise to me was the great Irish accent he does. I’m always impressed by anyone who can do great accents, and the audience was too.

Dom Irrera and I at Gotham.

Dean Obeidallah was the MC, and he told about his Mom making herself 16 years younger cause she’s dating again. That meant he had to be 18 years old. He felt strange until his mother’s new boyfriend said to Dean, “Boy, do I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter for you.”

A funny comic named Tom Ryan said he got an e-mail that said, “Make hundreds of thousands of dollars in your spare time.” Tom said if he could do that, he might switch that to his full time job! Stars just drop by at Gotham, and surprise the audience by doing a set. Jim Gaffigan stops in a lot. The night I saw him, he talked a lot about food. He hates seafood, because it reminds him of bugs.

Talking about seafood, he said, “There’s a part of the crab that you’re not supposed to eat. That part is called “All of it!” “The first clue that you’re not supposed to eat it should have been that you have to use a hammer. I’m think I’m gonna eat that crab. Bring me the tools!”

The very funny and beautiful Lynne Koplitz headlined one night, and wore a red sequined dress for the DVD she was shooting. About two big guys in the audience she commented, “Somewhere in NYC, there’s a street not being worked on tonight.” She also took the time to tell us that her “vajayjay” was like an old cave in North Carolina. I had to take her word for that one!

Lynne Koplitz and I.

And she summed up Spike TV by saying it was very predictable. Men moving heavy shit with their faces. Barry Weintraub was the MC. Barry said, “Michael Jackson liked boys so he built an amusement park. I like women. I would have had to build a mall.” Gary Gulman did a great set as usual. He said due to the economy he’s had to cut back on certain things. Mostly he cut back on his engraving. His engraving budget for this year is just a skeleton of what it was in years past. Basically Gulman had more engraving material than any other comic I’ve ever seen!

Paul Mercurio had a couple of unusual things happen to him when he came out on the Gotham stage. A guy named Ben was fast asleep in his seat right in front of the stage and didn’t awaken until Paul woke him up. Then a woman named Sheila, who was sitting all the way in the back, actually took a phone call while he was on and talked loud enough for everyone to hear. Paul left the stage, went to her table and actually confronted the woman who believe it or not, didn’t hang up, and stayed on the phone.

To his credit, Paul used both episodes to his advantage, and milked them for all they were worth. A lesser comedian would have definitely been flustered. That’s why stage time is invaluable to a comedian. And last but certainly not least, I went down to see actor/comedian Anthony Anderson, who you know from Law and Order, and who does a monthly show with comic Royale Watkins called Anthony Anderson’s Mixtape Comedy Show, which was truly one of the most diverse and entertaining shows out there.

Royale Watkins and Anthony Anderson playing rock, paper, scissors at Gotham. Looks like a tie!

I got to see one of my favorites, Wil Sylvince. When he imitates his uncle in that Haitian accent of his, the crowd goes nuts. He will be the MC at a concert I am producing with my partner Jean Alerte, CEO of Alerte Carter & Associates, this coming February, at the Capital One Theatre in Westbury. Long Island, starring the amazing Kevin Hart, and featuring the great Tony Rock. They even had a freestyle rap competition which was completely off the chain! You must check it out one month on a Sunday night.

COMEDY MATTERS SHORTIES

Kenny Lonergan is a two time Oscar nominee who writes movies as diverse as Analyze This, and Analyze That, Gangs of New York, and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. I know him from my early days at Naked Angels where he is one of the founding members.

Matthew Broderick and Kenny Lonergan at the 92nd Street Y.

His newest play The Starry Messenger was being produced by The New Group, which is an artist driven theatre company, and is starring his childhood friend, and two-time Tony Award-winner Matthew Broderick. I went to see them at a lecture at the 92nd Street Y for a very enjoyable evening.

Lisa Lampanelli had the book party for her new book Chocolate Please at Carolines on Broadway, and it was a big success. Always so good to see Lisa, whose career is just so huge. The smaller she gets, the bigger her career gets.

Lisa looked great, and introduced me to her boyfriend Jimmy, who is, … how shall we say, very limited in the pigment department. To be politically correct, he’s what’s known as pigmentally challenged! (In other words he’s white.) Can you believe it? Lisa with a white guy? Vanilla please???

Lisa Lampanelli and I at Carolines for her Chocolate Please book party.

She dedicated an entire chapter to my buddy Tom-E Latsch, who works and performs at The Comic Strip. (He also takes great photos when we interview the stars for our book, like Chris Rock and Seinfeld). She started out nice, talking about the start of their relationship, and wound up eviscerating Tom to the point that you had to say to him, “Don’t worry Tommy, all press is good, as long as they spell your name right!”

PUNCHLINE MAGAZINE CELEBRATES FOUR YEARS

I’m really proud to have Comedy Matters be a part of Punchline Magazine for the last year and a half, and when you see the stars who come out to honor Punchline at it’s annual celebration, you understand that I’m not the only one that feels that way.

The party/show is held at Comix, that beautiful club on West 14th Street, and this year featured the fantastic Ted Alexandro, Robert Hawkins, Christian Finnegan, the great Pete Dominick, Todd Barry, Janeane Garofalo, the incredible Lewis Black, who closed the show, and a surprise appearance from the hilarious D.L. Hughley, former star of the ABC/UPN sitcom The Hughleys, one of the four comedians starring in the Spike Lee film “The Original Kings of Comedy” and currently a correspondent on the new Jay Leno show, and a New York radio personality.

Todd Barry and Ted Alexandro at Comix.

D.L. said he just stopped by to wish Punchline a happy anniversary, and offered the observation, “ You know how bad Pres, Bush had to be if the whole country said, “Let’s give the Black guy a chance!”

Me and D.L. Hughley at the Punchline party at Comix.

About Michael Jackson – “A wonderful singer but a lousy babysitter.” “Lucky he didn’t go to jail. They would have passed his ass around like a joint!”

Lewis Black had the closing spot, which is usually reserved for the strongest. For many years at Friars events, another angry man Pat Cooper was ALWAYS the closer for that very reason. He grabbed an audience by the throat and didn’t let go till he was ready. Lewis Black does the same thing. He talked about Country-Western music, a lot of which he said was “based on old Jerry Springer episodes.”

Pete Dominick and Lewis Black at Comix.

He went on to tell of once having to follow the wonderful Vince Gill, who he said had such an amazing voice that 30 seconds into his first song, Lewis felt the same way as he does when his bath is just the right temperature.

“Vince’s wife Amy Grant is so perfect,” Lewis continued, “she’s entirely made of cream.” He said he had to flee the room to prevent himself from rushing the stage and taking Christ into his heart! That’s how beautiful the experience was.

HOT 97 THE COMEDY SCENE

I left a party for the VMA Awards and wandered into Carolines to find DJ Cipha Sounds from Hot 97 onstage MC’ing a comedy show. The dude is funny, and very comfortable on stage.

Me in my best hip-hop pose with DJ Cipha Sounds at Carolines.

He does his thing as easily as if he was behind the mike in the radio station, where he’s the host of the morning show Cipha Sounds and Rosenberg, and he admitted to me after the show that he’s always had a thing for comedy and wants to do more.

Yo Cipha, I’m available bro’! Holla at your boy!

Then I went to an event at the Time Square Arts Center, formerly The Laugh Factory on West 42nd Street and wound up giving an interview on the red carpet hosted by Lil’ Nat, also of Hot 97 who does the overnight show from 2 A.M. till 6 A.M. leading into Cipha’s show.

Me and Lil Nat on the red carpet at the Times Square Arts Center.

I got a chance to talk about Chris Rock Exec. Producing the film we’re doing on the history of The Comic Strip, and my upcoming Kevin Hart concert at Westbury which I hope we can promote on Hot 97 among other stations.

MAGIC AT THE ANGEL BALL

Denise Rich creates magic every year at the Angel Ball cancer fundraiser she holds in honor of her late daughter Gabrielle. This year I added to the magic by bringing Ken Salaz , magician/mentalist from the two man group The Unseen, who performed for Denise’s distinguished guests during the cocktail hour, and who also donated a two hour private performance as part of the silent auction.

Me and David Blaine at Denise Rich’s Angel Ball at Cipriani, Wall Street.

I got to fulfill a dream for Ken by introducing him to his idol and my old friend David Blaine. I had once arranged for Ken to perform for both Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb, co-hosts of the fourth hour of the Today show on NBC, and they never forgot how he amazed them. When we ran into Hoda at The Angel Ball, Ken told Hoda to think of a drink that she liked, and then produced it from thin air. She said she wanted him to come on the show. That’s in the works.

Ken Salaz and Hoda Kotb at The Angel Ball.

Denise raised four million dollars to fight cancer in just one night. That is a new record for her, and I’m sure she’ll beat it next year.

GOOD HAIR

Chris Rock had the premiere of his new documentary film Good Hair at the IFC Theatre downtown on 6th Avenue and I went down with Richie Tienken and Chris’ cousin the hilarious comic Sherrod Small to see it. Sherrod is also a regular at The Strip and is very close to Chris Rock and like a brother to Tony Rock. As a matter of fact, he refers to his cousin Chris as “Chrissie,” which is fine for him, but I still call Chris “Chris.”

Sherrod Small, Jordan Rock and Chris Rock at the after party for Good Hair.

I was thrilled to meet Chris’s Mom Rose at the after-party. She looks so young, you would never know she has eight kids,

Mrs. Rose Rock and Jordan Rock at the after party for Good Hair.

THE BELZER/SHAFFER FOUR-IN-ONE

Some years ago, (more than I’d want to admit), Richard Belzer, Paul Shaffer and I took a photo together. A few years after that, I brought that photo and held it while we took another photo standing in the exact same order. A few years later I brought that photo to The Friars Club, and we held that photo while taking still a third photo of us standing in the exact same order, so it became a photo, within a photo, within a photo.

And that’s how it stayed for years until last week. Belzer and Shaffer had a joint party, (you should excuse the expression!) at The Friars Club, for their new books. Belzer promoted Shaffer’s book called “ We’ll Be Here For The Rest Of Our Lives”, and Shaffer promoted Belzer’s book, “ I Am Not A Psychic.”

Richard Belzer, me, and Paul Shaffer, holding a photo of Richard Belzer, me, and Paul Shaffer, holding still another photo of Richard Belzer, me, and Paul Shaffer, holding yet a fourth photo of Richard Belzer, me, and Paul Shaffer.

They both knew what I had in the case I was holding. The three-in-one. Fortunately we were able to tap the talent of Friars official photographer Richard Lewin, who took the “four-in-one” that you see below, ( or above, depending on where the editor chooses to put it!) Someday, maybe we’ll go for the five-in-one!

Anyway, no matter what, until next time, remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

Greg Giraldo: Comedy game plan in effect

One of the most underrated — and talented — comedians working today, Greg Giraldo has a new album and DVD, Midlife Vices, a new positive outlook on life and thankfully the same hilariously scathing approach to comedy.

Though mostly known to the masses as the dude who kills on every Comedy Central Roast, Greg Giraldo wears his skin best when he’s headlining across the country, where his target of ire is not some overblown celebrity but society as a whole and oftentimes, himself. Few comedians offer the thematic breadth he does onstage. Intense in tone, like a kettle repeatedly boiling and then spilling over, the twice Ivy League-educated comedy veteran masterfully incises life and from its pieces, molds a string of truths that are equally enlightening and hilarious.

On his new DVD and album — his second — Midlife Vices, the father of three delves into the personal (his impending divorce, his addictions), the political (Obama’s role as pussy-whipped sitcom husband), gay rights, sports and a genius set-ending spiel on immigration reform. We caught up with Greg during a recent tour stop in Columbus, OH to chat about his place in the contemporary comedy scene, his coming to terms with his success and much more.

The last time we talked at length, you were doing the interstitial show, Stand-up Nation with Greg Giraldo on Comedy Central, you were just turning 40, you were a bit bummed and you said you were trying to turn things around— trying to be a better dad, and all that good stuff. So how’s that going?
I’ve decided to not talk to my children ever. I’ve disowned them, and I’m hoping that their new daddy will just love them more than I was ever able to.

Nice.
I’m kidding! I had to start out light, you know? Actually, since we talked, I’m not married. I’ve been living apart from my wife over a year now and we’re in separation proceedings. And that part is good in the sense that it’s determined and clear, I guess, I got my little apartment very close to them so the kids are with me a couple of days a week and on the weekends when I’m home. So you know, life is kinda moving well in that direction, I suppose. Although you know the Catholic in me is having a hard time seeing that as going in the right direction, but in my gut it’s the right direction, so all is good.

Ok, that sounds good, then.
Don’t ever go through a divorce if you feel like keeping your shit. Let’s put it that way.

Yeah, I’m going try not to. So far, so good.
Yeah, one marriage is probably the way to go in an ideal world.

So on your special, you say you’re getting divorced again. Were you married before?
Dylan, I’ve been married a whole shit load of times. I’m just not willing to talk about it all the time. I was in my 20s, who gives a fuck?

Are you kidding?
Well, I’m kidding about a whole lot of times, but I was married once before. I got married when I was 24. And that didn’t last very long at all.

So you’re not officially divorced yet, but you’re going through separation proceedings.
Right, it takes awhile to be official. You know, what God has brought together, you know, it takes man a long time to tear asunder. (coughs) Sorry, I’m getting emphysema from not smoking.

It sounds like you’re reasonably happy with the way things are going.
Yeah, it always depends on what mood I’m in. My moods shift rapidly. I feel more or less optimistic. I just woke up at 2 pm in Columbus, Ohio and it’s raining out. So I feel a little less optimistic than I might if I were some place else where it wasn’t raining. But I actually feel really good about things and everything is definitely moving in the right direction.

Alright. I wanted to try to get a little deeper into your psyche, Greg Giraldo.
Oh really?

Yeah, I wanted to peel back the layers, if you will.
I see. OK.

You’ve had problems with alcohol, drugs and addiction. How are those things playing a role in your life now?
Oh, it’s been conquered. I will never struggle with any of the substances or the underlying emotional and psychological problems that lead to those substances ever again. It’s like I was born again. It’ s like God has shined his light of joy into my soul.

That’s a scoop.
Well, you know. It’s all going well. It’s a very complicated set of issues and there are a lot of different ways to unravel them. People do it in a lot of different ways but for right now it’s all going well. It’s an ongoing thing but it’s all OK.

So your album and DVD, Midlife Vices, which is a reference to said addictions, is out in stores and online. I feel like that’s always an exciting time for an artist. Does it mean anything to you that you have something new in stores and that people are able to get your new material or is it just another project for you?
It definitely does mean a lot to me, but I realize that I’m not one of those giddy types. I should be more excited about it. Here in Columbus, this is the first gig I’m doing where they sent the DVDs so it was the first time I’ve seen it. So I got to open the package for the first time. So I am very excited about it. On the other hand, I can’t worry about sales, and things like that, I just can’t control that and I try not to think about it too much. But I am real happy that to see that I’m starting to build some buzz. Because I’ve definitely been a little bit distracted on a lot of levels for the last year and I should have been putting out a lot more shit. But now that I’m on that sort of path I feel good about building more of a body of work. I said that like I’m some kind of fucking serious artist. My body of work, Dylan. I’m an artist.

You are an artist.
I’m starting to consider myself that, but I shouldn’t say things like ‘body of work’ without irony in it.

I think you’re allowed to.
Thank you.

You’ve done everything on Comedy Central imaginable except, up until now, the hour special. And I don’t know if that was, like, Comedy Central not having faith in you, or you just couldn’t get your shit together. Why did that take so long?
You know, actually an honest answer is I didn’t think about it that much. It’s not that I didn’t get my shit together and it’s not that Comedy Central wouldn’t have offered it to me. I changed management over the last couple years, and that’s had a huge impact on things. So now we’ve started focusing and setting goals. Before that I was sort of bouncing around and taking things as they came and that actually sort of re-enforced my own fucking weaknesses. I didn’t create a game plan. Things would come up and I’m not great at multi tasking, so maybe I’d be working on a pilot where in the mean time I should have been developing a lot more material for a special.

And the other thing is I’d write so much topical stuff that I’d have to throw away so much of it to film the hour. You need evergreen material that you could pitch to HBO or something. Whenever people would ask if I had an hour, I’d say I do but I’m not going to in three months because I have to get rid of all this other shit.

Are you happy with how comedy fans view your career at this point?
You know, I’m never fully happy about anything but yeah, I’ve gotta say in the last couple of years, I do seem to have a lot of fans that seem to really appreciate and like what I’m doing. I get a lot of emails and I see the crowds getting bigger in all the clubs and people seem to really be getting what I’m doing. So yeah, I am actually pretty happy with the way that’s going.

On the other hand, a lot of the following comes from the [Comedy Central] roasts and the roast is a very specific thing that my stand-up is not necessarily completely compatible with. Although I don’t think a lot of people come out because they love the roast and then end up hating my stand-up. So that’s a good thing. People who don’t know my stand-up seem to be enjoying it. So yeah, I guess I’m happy. When someone stops me in a small town in Minnesota and says, ‘Dude, you’re Greg Giraldo, how come you’re not doing more?’ I’m like, ‘You live here and you know who I am, obviously it’s not going that bad.’

Yeah, I agree.
I’ll tell you one thing, I’m unmitigatingly happy and proud that 99.9 percent of the time when people stop me, or recognize me, they’re fans. Everyone that stops me has good things to say. it’s not like, ‘Oh hey, aren’t you on something?’ You know like, I could easily become famous for being cast in some piece of shit sitcom or something, and I’d have more to talk about on the roast but is that really the goal of this whole thing? I wish I’d put out more stuff over the years; there are a lot of things I wish had done differently, but for the most part I’m known for doing shit that I’m half proud of and that’s good enough.

Sometimes when I read interviews and things I’ve said, besides being annoyed at my fucking circular reasoning, I feel like they come across too negative as far as me talking about my crowds. That’s my own self-esteem issue where it’s like, you know, I have a hard time just accepting that these people are really excited to come and really excited to be there. I’m at a point now for the first time ever where I really am enjoying the audiences. I’m at a place where I’m like, ‘Fuck, man, these guys like what I’m doing, I’m giving them something that they enjoy, and this is good.’

That sounds like a healthy outlook.
Someone’s been talking to a therapist. That doctor is on to something.

Dude, I think everyone should be in therapy.
Yeah, everybody definitely should. The trick is to stay there and not to stop going when you start hearing things that make you uncomfortable.

Yeah, I think a lot of the danger is like you get comfortable and then you start to forget why you were there in the first place, and if you don’t have a really vigilant therapist, you go there for an hour and talk about nothing that matters and you leave and nothing’s accomplished.
Yeah, luckily I’ve never gotten to that stage. There’s always plenty to talk about. It’s never gotten to where we’re like like ‘Oh shit. It looks like we’re all done with this.’ I just started with a new guy a couple months ago and he’s been great, but the first day I walk in it was sort of like ‘Fuck where do we begin?’

So you’ve seen different therapists. Do they know you from your act at all or do they have no idea who you are?
Some guys do, some guys don’t. I don’t know, they don’t really talk about it much. I try to go to guys that see a lot of entertainers or people like that. You don’t want some guy who’s just excited that he’s talking to someone on television or something. You’re paying them a lot of money, you don’t want to sit there and tell them what it was like to meet Joan Rivers.

Understood. Ah, what else did I want to ask you?
I don’t know. Dylan, you’re sound kind of tortured today.

I sound tortured?
Yeah, here’s a little interview strategy guidance. Start with some softball questions and then you kind of warm up into ‘So how are your children based on your alcoholism and drug addiction?’

That’s exactly what I do with people that I haven’t interviewed and I don’ t know how they’re going to react.
(laughs) I know.

I know what your comedy’s about. I can describe it to those who don’t in the intro of this thing. I’m definitely not going to ask you how you come up with jokes. ‘Oh, so you come up with an idea and you go on stage and you work it out, is that what you do?’
(laughs) You can ask me how I feel about puppies and sunshine.

I imagine you enjoy puppies.
I do like puppies but I know they’ll soon turn into a giant horrible dog. They’re just reminders of the fleeting state of cuteness.

Wow, that’s a pretty horrible way of…
Of enjoying a puppy? Yeah.

I know we kind of just jumped into talking about your addictions…
I’m kind of in a transitional stage of in terms of how frank I want to be with all that, which is perfectly ideal for your interview. I’m in the middle of this, between the divorce and my kids. My oldest son is nine now and that’s starting to be a factor. His friends watch shit and it’s hard in terms of material. What exactly do I want to do and say and how much of my personal life do I want out there? I’m not sure how I’m going to approach the whole thing. But that’s good, that’s part of life. We’re all growing.

One of the things I really liked about the special is that you kept in that interaction with the guy who was asleep in the audience dead center. Was there a lot of discussion about whether or not to keep that in?
I was shocked at how little resistance it got. I said we should keep it in. I just assumed they would never in a million years leave it in. Also, I didn’t know if it was funny or not. And I can’t really watch my stuff and be objective. I don’t edit any of the shit myself. If there’s something I hated, I’d tell my manager, who I really trust. I let him watch it all but I can’t be objective about it. Some comedians care so much about their shit that they’re like hyper controlling whereas I care so much about it that I can’t even tell. I’ve been wrong about things that are good or bad. I just can’t tell. So I let someone else fucking decide. And also I don’t want to get into any wars with Comedy Central about what to leave in and then lose control. So I didn’t really get into a lot of battles because we let them cut basically what they wanted. Because the reality is the special is an hour and 10 minutes and they’re cutting it to 42 minutes. So that I just assumed for sure that part was going, but my manager thought it was cool.

My attitude about the version that aired was ‘fuck it.’ Everything I did on stage I liked. I thought it was all good. And, weirdly enough, that’s the thing most people seem to be responding to. People loved it. I guess because it just looked weird for a special and people are subconsciously used to seeing a certain kind of tone and to see this kind of tone broken and it’s just spontaneous, I mean it was spontaneous, of course, but I was surprised at how much people were responding to it.

Before we started chatting, you said you had to get up and do your morning ritual shit. Tell me a little bit about, when you’re on the road. What goes on? you had shows last night, right?
Yeah, last night I had two shows.

So you go to bed after that or you hang out?
It all varies. I mean right now, I’m going to go to bed after the shows. But I mean I don’t go right to bed, I still stay up. Sometimes I have friends that travel with me, and we’ll hang out or do whatever. But last night was nothing particularly exciting, I guess I hadn’t been sleeping a lot. And sometimes by the time you go to sleep it’s three o’clock in the morning. Usually, when you go on the road, you get there the night before your first gig, then you have morning radio.

If the first show is Friday, for morning radio you’re getting up at six in the morning. So now you got 3 hours sleep and you’re doing radio all day. I take a nap, go back to do afternoon radio, go to the club to do two shows and you’re already sleep deprived. And then if you go out and go crazy, then of course that’s a whole other thing, Then Saturday you just kind of dick around. At this particular club there’s three shows. The show’s start at seven so I do shows from seven until one in the morning; it’s almost like having a real job. Which is fucking ridiculous. I didn’t get into this to labor away like a worker.

How do you do three shows in one night and not get bored of listening to yourself talk?
That’s the craft work part. That’s all professional shit; it’s not fun. When you’re doing three shows, that’s the night when you’re doing it to get paid. But I’m always mixing up the order. I’m always trying to find a new ways to put jokes between other jokes, and if you try dicking around like that, by the third show you don’t remember what jokes you’ve done, you don’t remember which audience members are still there from which show. You start making a reference to guys that aren’t there in the crowd. That guy in the hat? He must have been from the last show. Oh right, sorry. So it gets very confused.

I feel now when people are coming out, they generally know who I am, they’re fans, they ask you to do 40 minutes or 45 minutes, but you feel like you’ve got to do more. I rarely do less than an hour. So doing over three hours of talking really loud, it gets a little draining, But, you know, it’s good that the people are coming. This is the part where I’m supposed to say, ‘I’m just excited to be out there for the people.’ But sometimes you feel like for the third show you’re going on autopilot. Fuck it. Could I babble more?

Sure.
Give me more open-ended questions, so I can babble for four minutes and then give you the answer at the end of one sentence that I should have been able to give you at the beginning. God, am I a fucking babbling blowhard douche.

Do you see any effect on the number of people coming out to comedy shows on the road due to the recession?
I can’t tell. For me, it’s only changing for the better, but I can’t tell if it would be even better if the economy wasn’t a factor. I mean, the clubs are saying it is a factor. Some would say people don’t have a lot of extra money after the shows. I don’t know. For me, it’s been on an up swing so it’s going well. But I’ve got to assume that if the economy was booming that maybe I’d be drawing even more.

In what cities do you draw bigger crowds?
Probably, San Francisco. I just did Ft. Lauderdale and all the shows were packed. All of them were sold out. I did Washington DC every and single show was sold out. Dallas. Actually, all the markets are going pretty well, come to think of it. Philadelphia. I should have said that. All the shows were sold out in Philly, it’s a particularly good market, I think.

Do club owners complain about dwindling numbers?
These guys always want to downplay the good. Club owners are never going to tell you things are fucking great, like ‘I’m doing so well, next time we negotiate a contract be sure to ask for more money.’ They’ll always tell you things are bad. My gut sense is that the comedy industry, and the A clubs on the road, are doing well.

That’s kind of the sense I get as well but it’s always interesting to hear from somebody that’s out there.
Also, I think comedy is very hot right now and there’s a substantial number of name acts available. If you look at the schedule at the Improvs, it’s all famous people. I don’t remember it being that way a few years ago. There was like a couple big special event guys per year, and a lot of journeymen and headliners. Like, there’s not a single guy headlining at the DC Improv that you haven’t heard of. And that has to be helping their numbers.

It’s completely obvious to me that stand up is going to stop being a fringe form of live entertainment.
Yeah, I mean, beyond just stand up it’s like the whole idea of comedy as a cultural force is like very, very clear right now. The Daily Show and the Colbert Report, everyone wants to come up with their version of the Colbert Report and their version of the Daily Show. Even like CNN, Fox,all those guys, they’re putting comedy like Comedy-ish type of shows on there. The news is so bad you’re going to need somebody to present it in a relatively palatable kind of a way.

My concern from a straight stand-up perspective is that if that happens, stand up will become shitty and predictable. That might happen but I think that there’s enough sophistication at this point that comedy is not just comedy. Because in the late 80s these fuckers looked the same and all talked the same. It just got over-saturated and clubs started giving away tickets and it just killed things. It was fucking dead in the late 80s. So I’m a little concerned that might happen but I’m hoping that it won’t for me or for the people who already sort of built a following.

What are you doing with the rest of your day?
I’m thinking of maybe going and getting on one of these exercise machines that keep you from dying early. I haven’t exercised for awhile so I don’t know if today’s the big start, Dylan. You know, it’s rainy and who wants to leave the hotel?

What’s your gym routine like?
I just do Jazzercise, and two sets of dead lifts. That’s pretty much it.

The two extremes, huh?
Yeah, The thing about Jazzercising, I work out in a hotel gym so a lot of times I’m the only person there or a lot of times when there’s no official jazzercise class, it looks weird.

I bet.
But you know, I’m a maverick.

For more info, check out greggiraldo.com. Download Greg’s album Midlife Vices by clicking the image below.

Comedy Matters with Bobby Lee, Jeffrey Ross and more

CHRIS ROCK STEPS UP

In 1986, Chris Rock was discovered at the Comic Strip by owner Richie Tienken and Eddie Murphy. The story goes that Chris was setting up chairs and cleaning up in exchange for stage time, in a deal he made with Lucien Hold, the legendary manager of the club. One night Eddie Murphy came in to see Tienken, who was his manager for 11 years, and asked if there were any Black comics he could see. In those days there weren’t many.

Richie didn’t want Eddie to leave so he told Lucien to put Chris Rock on even though the room was packed and Chris had never performed for more than 12 people. He usually went on around two in the morning. Legend has it that Chris got up there and killed. Chris himself told me he just did ‘Okay.’ What he said was, “I wasn’t Joe Bolster. Nobody beats Joe Bolster on stage at the Comic Strip.”

That being said, he did well enough that Eddie befriended him, leading to his groundbreaking role in Beverly Hills Cop 2 in 1987. When Chris was leaving LA after the shoot was over, he was walking down this long corridor, turned to Tienken, and yelled back “Hey Richie, don’t forget about me!” And Richie didn’t.

Richie Tienken, Chris Rock, and I at The Strip.

He immediately called Lucien back in New York and told him to make sure to give Chris Rock good spots, which he did. Aside from liking Chris, Tienken knew that Chris was going be big, and he wanted to have both Eddie and Chris performing at the club. Chris never forgot about Richie’s kindness, and now that we’re working on the book and documentary film in honor of the 35th anniversary of the club, Chris Rock stepped up to the plate and accepted the position of executive producer of the film. He had already given us a two hour interview for the book. This is a guy who didn’t forget where he came from.

Chris was also very glad to see Richie re-gaining his strength, and recovering from his recent illness. Now there’s a new Rock hanging out at the Comic Strip. Chris’ little brother Jordan, who’s following in the footsteps of his brothers Chris and Tony, is there almost every night. He hangs out at the bar and does “latenight” at the same place where both of his brothers made names for themselves. He definitely has the Rock smile, if not the Rock beard.

Jordan Rock hanging out at The Comic Strip.

Letterbox Pictures, the Emmy award winning company based in NY and LA, is shooting the documentary film, and is helmed by Abby Russell, who’s producing, and her partner Brent Sterling-Nemetz who’s directing. Abby is known for having created The Hamptons Comedy Festival, which I had the honor of co-producing with her in 2004. It’s the fund raising arm for Comedy Fights Cancer, the organization that brings comedy shows to people in hospitals. I myself performed in her shows at Sloane Kettering a couple of times, and thank G-d no patients got worse as a result!

(L-R) Brent Sterling-Nemetz, Abby Russell, Richie Tienken, and Jeffrey Gurian on the set at The Strip.

One day we shot a table of comics reminiscing about their histories with The Strip, Lucien, and Richie. It was Danny Cohen, (who was there without his broach!), Lenny Marcus, Barry Weintraub, Bernadette Pauley, Cory Kahaney, and Dan Naturman. When we went to take the photos at the end, Lenny Marcus said he didn’t feel the shot would be complete without me in it, so I jumped in because basically I’m not happy till Lenny Marcus is happy. (I have him brainwashed into believing no shot is complete if I’m not in it!)

From L-R –Danny Cohen, Cory Kahaney, Barry Weintraub, Richie Tienken, Lenny Marcus, Bernadette Pauley, Dan Naturman, and I.

GOTHAM HAPPENINGS

A couple of comedy clubs have had TV shows in the past, but the only one still happening is Gotham’s Live at Gotham on Comedy Central. Live at Gotham features the best new comic talents from all over the country. Each show features a star comic host and six really funny comedians.

This hit show taped it’s 4th season recently, and some of the hosts were Jim Jeffries, Rob Riggle, Charlie Murphy, Jo Koy, Doug Benson, Paul F. Tomkins, and one of my personal favorites Judah Friedlander, the World’s Greatest Champion and star of NBC’s 30 Rock. I went to catch the show hosted by Bobby Lee, a really funny comic I saw recently headlining at Carolines. Bobby got his big break one night in 1995 when Pauley Shore saw him on stage and asked him to open for him in Las Vegas.

Bobby Lee and I backstage after his show.

Bobby wound up being a regular at The Comedy Store where he met Carlos Mencia and wound up going on the road with him as well. He was a longtime cast member on Mad TV, and has been in films like Harold and Kumar and Kickin’ It Old Skool. I’m a sucker for accents, and I love it when he imitates his Korean Dad who once got him a job selling corn on the side of the highway. One day when business was slow, his father told him he had to yell out the word “corn.” To see him on stage screaming the word “corn” at imaginary cars passing by doing 70 mph was definitely a comedic treat.

Stand-outs on the show were Dustin Ybarra, who may possibly have stranger hair than I do, and who is very funny and got huge applause. L.A. comic Patrick Keane, the white guy from MY TV’s Tony Rock Project, was also a stand-out. He said he played ball in high school but wasn’t that good. The coach sat him so far down the bench, the other team thought he was on their team.

I also liked his take on Cain, from biblical brothers Cain and Abel, which reference once lead me to a good Roast joke. “He treated me like we were brothers, ‘Cain and Abel.’” He said that when Cain was around there were only a handful of people on Earth. Cain killed one of the three people he knew, which meant that if you knew Cain, you only had a 66 1/3 percent chance of surviving. Very clever.

L.A. Comic Don Friesen holds the honor of being the only comic to ever win the prestigious San Francisco International Comedy Competition twice, in it’s 30 year history. That’s the competition that helped launch the careers of Robin Williams, Dana Carvey, Ellen DeGeneres and Sinbad. Don said his wife told him he had to be stricter with the kids. They have to know that “No” means “No.” He said, “Well, what if I’m raising them to be sales people?” My thought was, what if he was raising them to be rapists?

JACK CHEESE AND MARTY FROMAGE

There’s a special bond between comics who start out together, and come up through the ranks at the same time. (Like Tony Rock and Sherrod Small for example!) Once you endure torture with someone, it brings you together in a way most people wouldn’t understand. It was that way with Bobcat Goldthwait and Robin Williams.

Bobcat Goldthwait and I in front of the poster for World’s Greatest Dad.

Robin is starring in Bobcat’s new film, World’s Greatest Dad playing Lance Clayton, a high school poetry teacher who has learned to settle for his lot in life, despite having dreams of being a famous writer. When his son dies in a “sexual-gratification accident,” he’s suddenly faced with the possibility of achieving everything he has always wanted, through a bizarre series of events created by Bobcat Goldthwait’s inventive mind.

Bobcat made the transition from stand-up and acting to working behind the camera as a writer/director when as he put it, “my retirement from acting came at the same time people weren’t hiring me, so it wasn’t such a bold move!” He said he had started doing stand-up at only 15 years old in Syracuse, (which was strange because he was living in Indiana at the time !), and then at 18 he moved to Boston and would come down to New York to audition for Letterman and other shows. “When I was in San Francisco as a young performer, with Robin Williams, sometimes I appeared using the name Jack Cheese. And sometimes when we played clubs together in San Francisco, which was thanks to him and not to me, since he was already pretty well known, he didn’t want to publicize his appearance, so he used the name Marty Fromage.”

There were some clubs that tried to cash in on the connection to Mork and Mindy, so they advertised him as “Marty From Mars” instead of “Marty Fromage.” Robin also had a cameo in Goldthwait’s film Shakes The Clown, in which he was again billed as Marty Fromage. (For those of you who never took French in high school, “fromage” means “cheese.”)

Bobcat gets offered lots of reality shows but he prefers to work behind the scenes. His favorite job of all time was directing Jimmy Kimmel Live. He had had many jobs going back to high school, where he worked as a janitor, which he said facetiously was a great way to get lots of girls. On my way to this interview with Bobcat, I got caught up in midtown traffic and was really afraid I’d be late, but as often happens to me, for whatever reason, as I got to the door of Magnolia Pictures where the interview was taking place, a car pulled up, and who stepped out but Bobcat and his publicist. So I wound up riding up in the elevator with him, and was able to invite him to be in the Comic Strip book and documentary film, just cause I got there late.

It’s happened to me many times. Once years ago, I attended the premiere of the Richard Lewis film Drunks. My goal was to see Richard, but I didn’t let him know I was coming. I got there late, ran down the wrong staircase, and wound up running right into Richard walking up the stairs. He looked at me and said, “What the f*+% are you doing here?” I told him I had come to see the film and bring him some unsolicited comedy material, which I gave him right then and there. Richard has never used any one else’s material, but I felt so strongly that I could write for him, that I decided to try anyway. The worst that could happen was that he’d have me deported and threaten my family, right?

Richard Lewis and Jeffrey backstage at Joe’s Pub

Later that very same night there was a message on my home answering machine from Richard, thanking me for the material, and explaining that he never used anyone else’s material but that if he did, he would use this, and somewhere in there he used the word “brilliant.” I actually have that call on my website as it was such an honor to get that kind of compliment from Richard Lewis. I’ve always been a huge fan of his work. Make sure to go see World’s Greatest Dad.

COMEDY MATTERS QUICKIES

Comic Sue Costello is on the move. She recently finished shooting a feature film called The Fighter, which is a boxing movie based on the true life story about the step brothers from Lowell, MA. Mickey Ward played by Mark Walhberg, and Dicky Ward, played by Christian Bale. Dicky fought Sugar Ray Leonard then developed a crack addiction. He then trained his brother Micky to a welterweight championship. Sue played a crack addict with Christian Bale.

(L-r) Jeffrey, Jackie Martling, Sue Costello, and Ray Ellin at Sue’s performance at Barney’s Penthouse.

She also has a one-woman show called Minus 32 Million Words, about growing up fighting in Boston and then moving away and learning to use her words, instead of her fists, after reading an article in the New York Times that said that poor kids hear 32 million less words than rich kids.

BRIMSTONE ROAST

Brimstone, the wrestler/actor/philanthropist was roasted for his 35th birthday, as a way of raising money to help poor kids break into the arts, through the help of The Brimstone Foundation. I was the Roast coordinator, and worked the red carpet interviewing the celebs that attended the event. My co-host was Josaine Espinal Coba, who you might have seen on WE TV’s Bridezillas. Josaine was “the Dominican Bridezilla” which meant she “out-Bridezilla’ed” the other girls using just her head motions alone, while she was yelling at people, and telling her bridesmaids to massage her feet.

Leilene Ondrade from Charm School and I on the red carpet.

Josaine and I had a great time together. Contrary to her on-screen presence she’s a very sweet girl with a great sense of humor. We got to interview a lot of the reality stars that showed up like Sarah Hartshorne, and Claire Unabia from America’s Next Top Model, and Leilene Ondrade from Flavor of Love, Charm School, and I Love Money. And we also got to interview Pablo Escobar Jr., the actual son of Pablo Escobar Sr.

Pablo Escobar Jr. and I on the red carpet.

Junior was larger than life and was a very funny roaster. He was carrying a magazine with a photo of his father on the cover, and told me of his plans to do a movie about his Dad, showing the good side of him that not many people ever saw. I figured he would have no trouble getting it made because when you think about it, who says “No” to Pablo Escobar Jr.? (It’s a rhetorical question that needs no answer!)

ECNY SHOWCASE

The ECNY awards were created in 2003, and used to stand for “Emerging Comics of New York” awards, Now according to Jon Friedman, from Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, and the creator of The Rejection Show, (something I know lots about!) it no longer means that. He’s not sure what it means but he knows it no longer means that.

I brought Sarah Hartshorne with me from America’s Next Top Model, who is actually very funny and should be doing stand-up. The show was great, with Michelle Collins from Best Week Ever as a stand-out stand-up. Her rapid fire delivery and powerful stage presence really won me over.

Michelle Collins and Sarah Hartshorne at Comix.

Then there was a video from Nick Kroll and John Mulaney that knocked me out. It was a 1930’s style newsreel called “Cavalcade of Personalities” and when I get a minute I have to call them and find out how they did it. It was fantastic.

PARTYING ON THE WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW

Josaine and I got along so well that she brought me as her guest for her appearance on the fabulous Wendy Williams Show on weekdays at 10 A.M. on Fox. After 23 successful years on the radio, for which she will be inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame this November, Wendy now has a hit TV show. Last summer, Wendy made the move to TV, and Fox tested out her show in four markets for six weeks, where it beat out every other show amongst young women, which is the demographic that advertisers look for. (It’s also the demographic that most young men look for! )

As a result, the show launched nationally in July. Wendy is a truly beautiful woman, with an amazing smile, and fabulous voice, who is larger than life, and so comfortable with herself that she even adjusts her wig, (one of many that she proudly owns!) on camera.

Wendy Williams and I in the lounge at Carolines.

She loves being the tallest woman in any room and often adds five inches to her 5’11” height with her Christian Louboutin heels. She has truly embraced herself as a woman, which comes across with her amazing comfort on camera. Wendy is no stranger to comedy as she had a long running show at Carolines every Wednesday night called The Wendy Williams Experience and Wendy held court there as only Wendy can do. So she’s naturally funny and brings out “the funny” in her guests.

Backstage in the green room, everyone’s very chill, and I ran into Wendy’s longtime, loyal assistant Pamela Smith who I had met before at Carolines. Pamela makes sure everything gets done the way it’s supposed to, and she made sure we were all very comfortable.

Josaine and I in the green room at the Wendy Williams Show.

Josaine actually got to open the show and bring on Wendy, while I sat in the front row with her husband Bobby. The show’s like a real party cause there’s a DJ spinning hot music and the audience actually gets up and dances on the show stage before the show actually starts. By the time Wendy comes out everyone is pumped. Make sure to tune in. You’ll have lots of fun. I know I’m planning on going back.

JEFFREY ROSS WRITES A BOOK

Speaking of Roasts, … aside from all the other things he does, like acting, dancing (Dancing With The Stars), and movie making, (Patriot Act) Jeffrey Ross had made quite a name for himself as a “Roaster.” Jeffrey has been a hit on the famed Friars Roasts for many years, as well as the spin-off Comedy Central Roasts, like the most recent one of Joan Rivers. Now Jeffrey has written a book called I Only Roast The Ones I Love – Busting Balls Without Burning Bridges, which I will get to see at the book party at The Friars Club on September 10th. I hope he will write something nice for me in the book, but I won’t count on it!

Jeffrey Ross, with me in front of “the wall” at The Comic Strip.

We interviewed Jeffrey recently for the book and the documentary film we’re doing on The Comic Strip, and when I opened with the question, so how long have you been performing comedy and what are your earliest memories of The Comic Strip, Jeffrey answered by saying, “I started performing the year you bought those sunglasses. (LOL) I think it was about 1989, the same year those Capezios you’re wearing were in fashion.”

And it was then that I realized two things, one that I was actually being roasted by Jeffrey Ross, and that two, I should never try to do a book interview on camera, because as soon as comedians see a camera they start performing. It was a good lesson, and fortunately I still wound up with a great interview, because Jeffrey Ross is a funny man.

Anyway, until next time, remember … COMEDY MATTERS!!!

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