Taking Stock: Tolerated Joke Theft

by Lord Carrett

Joke stealing has been getting a lot of attention lately, due to the battle between Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia. Joke theft is always going to exist, for the simple reason that stealing jokes is a lot easier than writing them.

But there’s a brand of purloined punch line that no one seems to mind so much: the “stock line.”

The existence of “stock” is a generally accepted and erroneous notion that there exists a collection of sure-fire jokes that are kept “in stock” in an imaginary pantry for the use of the comedy community.

Some of them would be nearly impossible to trace back to the person who wrote them. Jokes like: “What is this an audience, or an oil painting?” seem to have simply appeared from the mist fully formed around the time the first comedian crawled out of the primordial ooze.

They’re usually two kinds of jokes: “saves” (like the line above) that help a comic recover from a failed joke, and “slams” on the audience as a whole or, in the case of a heckler, on an individual.

In truth, these jokes are victims of their own success. They’re so certain to get a laugh that thousands of comics have turned to them in a pinch. As a result, these amazingly effective jokes are reviled rather than revered. It seems familiarity really does breed contempt.

Let’s face facts. Stock lines are theft. Someone wrote them. Moses didn’t come down from the mountain with Ten Commandments, and “a few good lines in case you get in a jam!” Simply put, there are two kinds of jokes: jokes you wrote (before anyone else did) and jokes you didn’t. If you steal a stolen bicycle, you’re still a thief.

Just as Shakespeare wrote many expressions that are still as common as muck, many jokes that are considered stock are attributed to David Letterman or Richard Belzer. Belzer is generally credited with the classic heckler line: “This is why some animals eat their young,” but it could, and some of them do date back to vaudeville.

Some deal with specific situations, like people arriving after a show has started: “Can I get you anything… like a WATCH?” or people making themselves a little too at home: “Are you in show business? Then get your feet off the stage!” That joke was ancient when Mel Brooks used it in Blazing Saddles, and comedians still use it!

Comedians are thought of as mavericks and individualists, but for some reason, otherwise groundbreaking comedians will fall back on stock lines when challenged by a tough crowd or heckler– as if being heckled doesn’t come with the job! It’s going to happen, so why not write jokes for the occasion? If a comedian doesn’t have at least two or three original jokes to deal with hecklers, then they’re two or three jokes shy of truly being a comedian.

I’d like to attempt to reunite some of the best-known stock jokes with their originators, to illustrate my point. I’ve come up with four that I’m reasonably certain of the source of, owing largely to the unquestionable reputation and unfailing originality of the earliest person I can trace them to.

If you’re a comedian doing one of these jokes, or a variation of one of them, please stop. And by “please stop” I mean, please stop doing comedy. Today.

A good starting point is Steve Martin, whose ability and inventiveness are beyond reproach. On one of his early comedy albums, upon being heckled, Steve replied: “I remember MY first beer.”

That joke is simply a work of art. Steve passive-aggressively identifies with his adversary, sheds light on the heckler’s impropriety, and yet makes no real judgment. Steve deftly sidesteps the attack like a bullfighter.

You’d be hard pressed to listen to an hour of morning radio without hearing some variation of (the underrated) Margaret Smith: “When you went to school, did you go in a long bus, or a short bus?”

The unfailingly original Bill Hicks was known to follow a particularly offensive tirade with the now common: “By the way, I’m available for children’s parties…”

And many years ago, the wildly creative Roger Rittenhouse came up with: “I’m sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee,” itself a wondrous reinvention of: “I’m sweating like a whore in church,” and then watched the joke spread like wildfire.

It’s an industry-wide blind spot that stock lines do, of course, come from somewhere, but many/most performers and producers adopt an “Everybody cheats on their taxes” attitude toward the practice. No, everybody doesn’t cheat. Please don’t attribute your lack of integrity to an imagined epidemic.

The average audience member believes comedians come up with everything they say on the spot. So, if a comic tells a joke they didn’t write, even without claiming that they did, they’re in effect taking credit for the joke–  and they know it.

And that’s where it gets dangerous for comedians, who tend to have a strong streak of self-hatred. Letterman can’t stand to watch tapes of his show, and if he isn’t happy with himself after all he’s contributed, chances are the featured performer at Koo-Koo’s Komedy Korner isn’t going to be if he’s looking outside of his own notebook for material.

Every comic I know is a damaged individual. Every comedian seems to have a hole in them that at first can be filled with laughter, applause, free alcohol and the attentions of the opposite sex. But it’s a temporary fix.

Diligently writing and performing their own material exclusively, staying true to themselves, and becoming accomplished at comedy not only fills, but repairs the hole. And, in the words of Wilson Pickett: “Ninety-Nine and a Half (Won’t Do).”

The expression’s been traced to 1440 A.D. and it pops up all over the place, from Lord Buckley to Buckaroo Bonsai, but: “Where ever you go, there you are.”

So you’d better learn to like yourself.

Lord Carrett is a stand-up comedian and writer based in New York City. For more information, check out www.lordoflaughs.com.

Alex Reymundo: Living the Dream

by Dylan P. Gadino

As Stand-up comedian Alex Reymundo premieres his one-hour special on Showtime next month, the cultural chameleon sets his sights on Comedy Central and his own sitcom.

By Dylan P. Gadino

During the past 15 years, Alex Reymundo has had no shortage of major accomplishments. Early in his career, the 38-year-old stand-up comedian started on the path to become a huge national draw by doing no less than five tours with comedy veteran Paul Rodriguez. He eventually became part of The Original Latin Kings of Comedy, the 2002 concert film, which boasted the likes of Rodriguez, George Lopez, Cheech Marin and Joey Medina. Ever since, Reymundo, whose also seen action in motion pictures El Matador and The Movement, has been inching closer and closer to breaking out on his own.

With the premiere of Hick-Spanic: Live in Albuquerque, his one-hour Showtime stand-up comedy special on Saturday, March 3 (replaying all month and premiering on Comedy Central in May), Reymundo has arrived. With this performance, we get the full, unfettered version of the comic— a married family man from Los Angeles by way of Kentucky by way of Texas by way of Mexico who embraces his diverse cultural leanings for hilarious effect.

Between tour dates at the nation’s capital and Detroit, MI, we caught up with Reymundo to chat about his recent successes.

How important is it for you to be labeled as a Latin comic?
I’m very proud to be Latino. I’ve never been a fan of labels because people then begin to believe they know what to expect. If I must be labeled so they know where to put the DVD at the store, I prefer to labeled under ‘funny comics.’

There are stories out there about how you arrived in the States at age two with your parents, four siblings and four dollars. What did you guys spend that money on?
God bless ‘em. I believe they bought baby formula and condoms.

Jennifer Lopez is coming out with her first Spanish-language album. What are the chances of you breaking new ground and coming out with a Spanish-language comedy album in the States?
In my live show I tell everyone to speak Spanish but I believe it is the duty of every immigrant to speak English. I did tour with Los Tigres del Norte for a little while, performing to about 3000 people per show in Spanish. It was a challenge but I did it. I probably won’t put out an all-Spanish album in the near, future but never say never.

You’ve mentioned that you’ve always wanted to be a musician but you were too lazy. Did you at least ever try to sing? I mean singers could afford to be lazy, no?
I always wanted to be a rock star. My Dad always was my hero until I realized Elvis got more chicks. I’m not lazy. I lack the discipline. And I aint a bad singer.

What type of music do you enjoy these days?
I’m a rocker, my freak flag flies. Turn it up and I’m happy. Like Bon Scott said: “Let there be rock.”

If you could quit comedy for a year and join a band now, which band would you join?
A band where the guys who listen would bang there heads to and girls would take there tops off for. I’d be el mero mero chignon!

When you started in stand-up at 23, were your parents supportive of your decision or did they freak out and pray for your soul?
Oh, I’m sure they prayed and I hope they still do. My parents were always supportive of everything I tried except drugs— you’re not gonna send them a copy of this are you? Their advice to everything was to be great and don’t quit.

Are there any topics you deem taboo for a stand-up comedy set?
A woman’s menstrual cycle. I know nothing about it and there’s no manual.

George Carlin once said that you could make anything funny-rape included. Do you think that’s true-can anything be made into a joke?
Absolutely. if Carlin said it, it has to be true.

Do you spend much time in your native Mexico these days?
Not enough, but I have family there.

Is there one common trait that runs through Mexico, Texas and Kentucky?
Fine-ass women.

Where do you live these days?
The high desert of LA and every city in America.

How old are your children now?
The perfect age. I love every minute of their lives. To all the parents out there, I say ‘Be a good one.’ Your children need you and society is counting on you. Don’t pass the buck. It’s your job.

Have your kids ever seen you perform?
Yes, they get a bigger charge out of it than me. My daughter once asked me how come there were a lot of beeps when I’m on TV. It’s the same question my mother always asks.

Your on tour with Ron White now. Are you guys old friends?
For 18 years, yeah. The first time Ron did stand-up he first bellied up to the bar for a shot, I was the bartender. I started comedy a year later. We spent the first three years of our careers in his truck or mine, we called it the Joy to the World Tour but we then changed the name to the Joy to Alex and Ron Tour. Working with him now is just like old times, only now there’s nice shit everywhere.

Your deal with Showtime also has you starring in a scripted comedy series called Hick-Spanic, about a Mexican man who marries a white woman. Could you tell me a little about that?
It’s about two cultures and three generations debating about who married up. We’re gonna push some buttons and make you laugh. The inspiration is, was and always will be my beautiful wife and the wonderful chaos we brought to each others’ lives. It’ll premiere hopefully by the end of the year.

Would you ever leave stand-up in favor of a full-time TV or movie career?
I’m gonna give everything a shot. Stand-up is an illness. I hope I’m sick forever.

How would you describe the current state of stand-up comedy?
I love it. I can’t wait for tomorrow. Support your local comedy club.

In terms of your career, what does this Showtime special mean for you?
A televised one-hour special is the Holy Grail to comics. I thank Showtime and Comedy Central for the opportunity and to the public I say thanks for the consumption of my dysfunction.

What other projects could we expect from you?
The Latin Divas and the Payaso Comedy Slam both slated to air on Showtime. I play host to some great comics. Scott Montoya, the executive producer of Hick-Spanic and The Original Latin Kings of Comedy and I produced these as well. I also have a film due out soon What we did on our Holidays. I’m living the dream, baby!

For more information, please visit: www.alexreymundo.com and Showtime’s official website.

Chelsea Handler: Stand-up comedy’s mischievous little sister

by Dylan P. Gadino

Stand-up comic Chelsea Handler has already told the world about her sexual exploits in a best selling book. So how could she possibly shock us with her new book, Are You There Vodka? It’s me, Chelsea. You’d be surprised.


By Dylan P. Gadino

After she spent four seasons on Girls Behaving Badly, the now-syndicated estrogen-fueled prank show that ran on the Oxygen network, stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler has found no shortage of chances to stay in the public eye. She’s starred in The Chelsea Handler Show, wrote a best selling book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands and has continually toured the country like a rock star.

With a new late-night talk show premiering on E! this summer and a May release for her new book, Are You There Vodka? It’s me, Chelsea, we’ll be hearing a lot more from the 32-year-old Jersey native with the West Coast disposition.

At a recent show, you were talking to some girls in the crowd when you were on stage. You said the night before you let them sleep in your hotel room while you 
slept in Marla Schultz’s (ed. that’s Chelsea’s opening act) room. Are you normally that accommodating with your fans?
The girls were only 19 and were planning on sleeping in their car, and we were in the middle of a blizzard. I’m not usually offering my room up unless there are extenuating circumstances, because sleeping with Marla is not ideal. She farts like a seal, all night long.

Speaking of fans, have you ever gotten strange requests from adoring male fans?
The strangest thing was when the same guy was in my green room in both Atlanta and Nashville. Luckily, my feature act showed up before I did and gave him the boot. But then he sent me an email on MySpace talking about the chemistry we had. I had spoken to him one time. He had hair down to his ass and weighed about 100 pounds. I had more chemistry with my rabbi.

So you’ve got a new book coming out. Your first book, My Horizontal Life, was basically a collection of stories about you having sex. How does the new one differ?
Well, I couldn’t write two books about sleeping around. So I had to make some of the stories not about having sex, just in case I ever want to ever get married.

You definitely could have written two books about sleeping around.
Thanks for that support. But this one’s another book of short stories. They’re all real things that happened to me. But they’re completely disparate. There’s no through line. Some are about dating. One’s about when I got a DUI and had to spend two days in Sybil Brand, a women’s prison in Los Angeles. One story is about me starting my own babysitting ring, because I realized my parents needed to step up their game. If I had any future of getting out of that house it was going to be on my own.

So I ended up starting this huge babysitting thing at our summer house, and I had this whole business going. I was 12 years old, but I was lying and telling everybody I was 15, so I could baby-sit for kids. I ended up babysitting for a kid who was actually two years older than me. I had to give him time outs. One story’s about me dating a redhead and why that’ll never happen again. One’s about a boyfriend hooking up with a dog. Well, not hooking up, but we were dog sitting and something bad happened. So they’re all just kind of random.

There are authors like David Sedaris, who write those kind of stories where there’s no through line. So I was like OK, now that I’ve done one book with a theme, I don’t want to have a theme for another book, because then it kind of puts it in one category.
So are you the female David Sedaris? Is that what you’re saying?
No, I would never give myself that big of a compliment. Plus I’m straight.

Right, right.
For now.

That might change in the future?
For the afternoon.

You’ve said before that writing is something that you’re most proud of. Do you want to do a lot more writing in the future?
Yeah, you know, I love doing so many different things. It’s so nice to be able to do TV and then to go on the road and do theater tours and then go and do books. It’s three different worlds, so it’s kind of nice. The fact that I’m an author, I think is ridiculously hilarious. And I’m so impressed by it. I mean I can’t believe somebody published me. My brothers and sisters are like lawyers and accountants. And they’re like ‘You’re getting a book published? About what?’ So, that’s kind of funny.

But it just goes to show you, you can write a book about anything. Anybody can really do it. I didn’t even go to college. Well, I went for a year and was like, ‘This is so stupid. This is such a waste of everyone’s money, because I’m not going to use anything here.’ And, by the way, I educated myself probably 10 times more than I would have in college, because I was so paranoid about being labeled somebody who didn’t go to college. So I read everything under the sun, which helped.

E! Entertainment recently announced that you’ll be back with a new show called Chelsea Lately. Are you hoping this will segue into a situation where you’re 
not doing stand-up as much?
I’ll probably be doing stand-up as long as people want to come see me. Although, there’s something about a 65-year old woman telling jokes on stage that seems not quite right. Being that’s only eight years away, I’ve decided to start taking Spanish lessons, so if everything falls apart, I can become a cleaning lady.

Well, you did go to college for one year. So you’re probably prepped for a career in the cleaning services.
Yeah, I went to the County College of Morris. It’s one of the Top Ten community colleges in the country. Me going there had something to do with the fact that I was tripping on acid when I took my SATs. And scored, I think, a 400.

Morris County, New Jersey?
Yeah.

Got you. We’re located in Hackensack.
I used to have a boyfriend that lived in Hackensack.

Really? Was it me?
I was 15 and he was 25. It was a very beautiful relationship.

I bet. Was this relationship based on common interests and trust?
It was very trust based. And yeah, we had a lot in common. I was planning my sweet 16, and I think he was taking his CPA exam. So I mean, obviously two people are going to come together under those circumstances.

Beyond the new show, you’ve got some movies coming out.
Yeah, I shot an independent film last Fall with Ally Sheedy called Steam Room. It’s about these two women, we have kids that go to the same school. And her husband leaves her, and I’m basically just the comic relief. It’s like a Bonnie Hunt type role. I got to improvise and just be a loud mouthed, obnoxious soccer mom. So, obviously the kids were very frightened of me, but the important thing is that I showed up for work every day.

Right.
And Ally Sheedy gave me all the good dish about St. Elmo’s Fire, so I was sitting there foaming at the mouth talking to her. It’s like my favorite movie ever, that and The Breakfast Club.

On paper, it sounds like you came from a slightly conservative family. What kind of effect did that have on the type of stand-up you do now?
Well, we grew up in this upper middle class Jewish neighborhood. And so we were surrounded by all these people who had money. And all my friends’ parents drove around in Mercedes and BMWs. And my family was so not that way. My father was a used car dealer and had awful cars in my driveway my entire childhood. It was to the point that you would have people drop you off down the street, because you didn’t want them to see your driveway.

And, so, I never felt like I fit in with the rest of the town. So the comedy came from that. It was me constantly being embarrassed about my family. My dad was Jewish, and my mom was Mormon, and they told me to choose what I wanted to be when I was five, like I had any idea. My sister was like, ‘Listen, there’s no drinking, no smoking, no partying and no sex, or you can get presents eight days in a row. I’m like, ‘I think I’ll take the dreidel, thank you.’

My dad’s a character and I have a lot of brothers and sisters. But I think my comedy comes from feeling out of place my entire life. Like all these Jewish people have one brother, one sister. We have this mess of a family– I have two sisters and three brothers. We had all these kids, all these cars in our driveway. Nobody wanted their kids over my parents’ house. My mom slept through my entire childhood. She was like a cat.

So it’s not like they were too restrictive?
Oh, no, please. I could leave for the weekend and say I was going to the Himalayas with somebody I met online, and they’d be like, ‘OK, well call us when you get back.’ They were like the least protective parents ever. Because I was the youngest of six. By the time I came along, they were just wiped out. My oldest sister probably had more to do with raising me than my mom.

Tell me a little bit about your joke writing process. Do you have a very formal regimen where you kind of sit down at a computer and bang out jokes?
No. It’s very rare that I sit down and write jokes out. I add to bits a lot when I’m on stage. I talk a lot to the audience. A lot of my new jokes, I get there. The bits just get bigger and bigger and bigger and longer. I wrote a joke about a midget five years ago, and now it’s like a 10 minute bit.

I’m completely undisciplined. I do things at the last minute. But, when I hear something funny, or I watch something funny, and I think of something, I’ll try it on a couple of people. If I get a reaction, then I’ll try it on stage. I like to always do at least one new joke every time I perform.

So you’re at the point now where you don’t worry about forgetting something, or not committing a bit to memory?
I mean, I forget shit all the time. I go up, I do like an hour, and sometimes there’s bits that you forget, and sometimes there’s bits you remember. I don’t always do every joke I have. And sometimes you get tired of bits and you just put them away for a while. And then when you do them the next time, they’re so much more refreshed.

I was on tour for a couple months, and I took the last half of December off, and January, because I was just burnt out going from city to city to city. And I did my first show in Austin my first weekend back in like a month and a half. And I did, and it was the best show I ever had. Taking a break is so good for me. Some comics hate that, they freak out if they can’t get on stage. I’m not – I’m the opposite. The less I have to work the better. It just goes better with my personality.

When you travel, do you usually travel with people, or is it basically you going alone?
I just bring Marla. I don’t have an entourage or anything.

You should get an entourage.
I want to get a midget.

You want to get a midget?
Just to travel with me. I had one on my show named Chuey, and he can’t fly, because he’s got some condition. Plus he’s big, and I want to get one that you can just put on my lap and you don’t have to pay for the extra seat. So, I got to find one.

Aren’t you afraid of being labeled like a –
A midget lover?

No, like you’re trying to rip off Kid Rock, because years ago he had that little guy with him.
I don’t fucking know anything about Kid Rock, and he’s the last person in the world I’d be trying to rip off. There’s room for two people to love midgets in this world.

All right, if you say so.
I say so.

Do you feel, even at this point, comedy is kind of still a boys club?
I don’t think that way at all. If you look at it that way, then that’s what it is. But I don’t feel that way. I don’t ever even have to deal with men, usually. If you’re funny, you’re funny, you’re going to get noticed. Women say it’s so hard. I don’t think it’s that hard. I think actually, probably, it’s easier for women. Because if you’re a really funny girl, there’s a deficit of funny women. I think everyone is excited to find the next funny comedienne.

I’m sure some male comics have their feelings about female comics. But I’ve never had a terrible experience with anybody. Male comics have been great to me. I used to tour with Dave Attell and with David Alan Grier when I was featuring. Those guys couldn’t have been any nicer. In any profession there’s a bunch of competitive type people that are just angry at the world. But I steer clear of that kind of stuff. I’ve never really hung out at comedy clubs, either. That’s a big thing.

You mean after or before your performances, or just in general?
Yeah. I usually just get out. When I’m done I just get out and leave. Usually I want to get home, rent a porn, and get party started.

And the party is not at the comedy club?
No, the party is in my pants.
For more information, check out www.chelsea-handler.com

Pat Brown: Moving Up!

by Noah Gardenswartz

Recently voted Best Female Comic at the Las Vegas Comedy Festival, stand-up comedienne Pat Brown’s career is heading north- 900 miles north to be exact.










By Noah Gardenswartz

Comedienne Pat Brown will perform at any club, any time, anywhere. With 12 years of experience under her belt, Brown is as versatile a stand-up as you will find. Willing to go from black clubs and smoky bars to corporate events and church group meetings, Brown knows how to make any audience roll with laughter.

That is the result of both her engaging yet silly persona on-stage, and her relentless work ethic. She’s traveled extensively, written at length and honed her craft as a performer, which are all part of the reason she’s beginning to achieve the levels of success that only hard work and obvious talent can bring.

To say that comedy was a natural fit for Brown would be a lie, however. Born in Kansas City, Missouri, she grew up as a shy Tom Boy, far more interested in shooting hoops than cracking jokes. After high school, a full athletic scholarship took her to South Carolina State University where she frequently had to choose between her obligations to the basketball team, and her passion for acting. Having graduated without ever satisfying her desire for the stage and spotlight, Pat moved to Atlanta and made herself a promise.

“I promised myself on my birthday that I would try stand-up, and once I released the dread of just doing it, and got the monkey off my back, I fell in love with it,” Brown recalls.

Well, since then - to quote LL Cool J - she’s been doing it, and doing it, and doing it well. It took Brown some time to find her voice on stage, but now she displays a style and act that are strictly her own.

“I’m a woman, and a black woman, but my material is not what you would expect from a black-woman comic,” she says.

Brown talks more about social mores than she does about men and shopping, and she often ditches the vulgarity and profanity for wholesome humor that utilizes her playful nature. On stage, she will sing, dance and act for a good laugh.

This past February, Brown was invited to the prestigious Las Vegas Comedy Festival. She went home with the award for Best Female Comic. She’s now getting ready for her April performance at Laugh Across America in New York City, where she will be competing for a spot at the US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen next winter.

In recent months, Brown’s been seen on Comedy Central’s Laffapalooza, CMT Comedy Stage and Comic View on BET. How many comedians can you think of could successfully appear on both CMT and BET?
It seems as though the industry is finally ready for Pat, and she realizes that her life will change as a result. Although she loves living in Atlanta, she plans on moving to New York full time by 2008 to pursue comedy, acting and writing; but of course, she’ll never forget where she started.

“I’ll always love Atlanta, but it’s hard to make it there if you’re not a stripper,” she says. “In Atlanta strippers make more than teachers. If I were a teacher I’d teach stripping. And the parents should like it, because it saves them money on school clothes.” She may be pretty, but Pat Brown belongs on the stage, not on the pole.

For more information, check out www.patthegirl.com.

Larry the Cable Guy: Keeping it Real… Real Goofy

by Dylan P. Gadino

Stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy never claimed his jokes inspired deep thought. And his new album, Morning Constitutions, proves the former Blue Collar Comedy comic isn’t about to change. Fans are rejoicing; critics, no doubt, are planning their next attacks.

By Dylan P. Gadino

For a guy who makes it a point not to surround himself with controversy, stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy, has – over the last few years – found quite a bit of it. His comedy has been called racist, sexist, homophobic and more. In fact, as contemporary comedians go, he’s probably third only to Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia when it comes to taking shit from critics and other comics.

Two years ago, in an interview with Rolling Stone, comedian David Cross blamed Larry’s incredible success, in part, to the country’s state of “vague American values and anti-intellectual pride.” In Larry’s book Git-R-Done out later that year, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour star shot back. As a result, Cross wrote an 11-page open letter defending his own Rolling Stone comments.

Speaking of open letters, stand-up Doug Stanhope wrote one a year before Cross did asking Larry to die so that his catch phrase (“Git-R-Done”) would go with him. Finally, comedian and Sports Illustrated columnist Steve Hofstetter released an album in April of last year titled Cure for the Cable Guy. The cover boasts an action-figure likeness of Larry hanging by a noose.

This all seems a bit harsh for a guy who’s made a 21-year career, largely, out of delivering light-hearted, one-line jokes about his bathroom misadventures, ladies’ undergarments and NASCAR. But that’s how popularity works— especially when every DVD, CD or book you’ve released has gone gold, platinum or has become a bestseller. Add to that being recently named No. 83 on Forbes’ ranking of the country’s 100 most successful entertainers, and you’re bound to find yourself staring down a long line of angry bloggers and bitter comedy elitists.

But instead of shrinking in the face of criticism, Larry (real name: Dan Whitney) has reaffirmed his place in stand-up comedy with his new album Morning Constitutions by giving his fans more of what they liked about the 44-year-old native Nebraskan in the first place.

Punchline Magazine recently caught up with Larry while he was backstage at the Ford Center in Oklahoma City a few hours before his performance. Days before the release of Constitutions, the comic was all too happy to chat about his new material, all those criticisms and some of the surprising allies he’s got in the stand-up comedy business.

What did you set out to accomplish with the new album?
You know what. I don’t try to change much of anything. I know my fans like all that one-liner goofy stuff, so I kept it in the same vein. I actually think it’s probably one of the better ones I’ve done.

Toward the end of the album you say, ‘A lot of comedians make you think. I make you think what the hell’s wrong with that comedian.’ Do you consciously write material that isn’t too deep or is that just natural for you?
I’ve got to tell you, if it makes me laugh, I’m going to try it with my fans. That’s basically it. Like I did a joke yesterday and the only reason I did it was that I went fishing with my 12-year-old nephew and it made him laugh. So I go onstage and I say ‘I like fishing. You ever fish with peanut butter? I went fishing with peanut butter. I caught a jellyfish.’ And then I go, ‘Just when you thought it couldn’t get any dumber.

I pulled out that sumbitch.’ And that actually got a bigger laugh than the joke itself. If I was sitting in a crowd watching a comedian and he did that joke and said that after it, I would find that frickin’ hilarious. I think I have a lot of really good, clever stuff and then I surround it by stuff that’s just goofy and stupid.

Yeah, you definitely do keep things very light on stage. Are you ever tempted to joke about things that maybe bother you?
Well yeah sometimes it is. But I’ve got to tell you, the one thing that I don’t want to do on stage is take myself too seriously. Because once you’re on stage and you start taking yourself too seriously, then I think your comedy suffers– especially the kind of comedy I do. I’m just up there doing one-liners. More than anything, I just want to make people laugh. And I think if I’m up there pissed off about something, then I think it defeats what I do.

I do an Al Gore thing about global warming. When I first started doing it, I did about 45 seconds on it and I only had two laughs in it. That wasn’t gonna cut it. And so now all I really say is, ‘Al Gore and global warming. ‘You seen him lately? Evidently global warming isn’t melting his ice cream.’ So that gets a big laugh and it puts a dig in. But if I’m not going to get a laugh with it in eight to 10 seconds then for me, it’s not worth doing.

Right. It doesn’t fit in with the rest of what you’re doing on stage, I guess.
Yeah it doesn’t at all. There’s different styles of comedy and I’m not really that style. I just want to make people laugh. My style is eight to 10 seconds, get in, get out, get a laugh, give people their money’s worth and let them go home happy. And definitely, whatever I do, I do not act like I’m better than everybody else or smarter than everybody else. Everybody has opinions and the last thing they want to do is pay money to hear mine.

You’re good friends with Lewis Black, right?
Lewis is a sweetheart, man. I really like him a lot.

It’s strange. It seems like you two are from different worlds. How do you guys get along so well?
I met Lewis just working the road. Lewis and I are polar opposites when it comes to politics. But I’ve got to tell you, I’ve got a lot of friends that are polar opposite to me. He’s one of my best friends in stand-up. He’s totally on the opposite end and we don’t agree on a lot of things. But what we do agree on are funny jokes. And if it’s funny, it’s funny. Lewis has even said, ‘God made us comedians because we can’t frickin’ do anything else.’

If there’s a politician going out there and changing policy on a joke that me or Lewis Black said, then that politician has got a lot of problems. We can both have our own feelings. He does a certain kind of stand-up and I do a certain kind of stand-up. We both agree, however, that our job is to make people laugh the way that we know how to do it and we’ll make our political ideas known at the ballot box.

Our job first and foremost is to make people laugh. Lewis gets what I do. Lewis thinks what I do is hilarious. He’s my wife’s favorite comedian and she’s to the right of Ronald Reagan. But she loves him. And so do I. And not just because he does great stand-up and he’s funny and his style is hilarious. He’s a nice guy. I’m one of the few people, I think, that can put aside those differences and go see a comic because I think they’re funny.

It’s a good attitude to have.
Bill Hicks and I were friends, too. Bill Hicks thought I was hilarious. And if there was anybody that were polar opposites, it was me and him. But Bill Hicks was friends with all us Blue Collar guys. I know him and Jeff Foxworthy, as a matter of fact, were really good friends and he was a huge fan of Jeff’s. And so there are different styles of stand-up. And some comedians can be friends and disagree and some comedians can’t. I’m one of the ones that can disagree and be friends with people.

You mention disagreements. There was that thing with you and David Cross going back and forth at each other in 2005. And I’m sure you’re familiar with Steve Hofstetter’s album referencing you and putting your likeness on the cover hanging by a noose, which seemed a little bit over the top. How do you respond to something like that?
Well I don’t. I’ve got more to worry about than that. I’ve got my own career to think about. I just kind of write it off as jealousy. None of that stuff ever happens to a nobody. When I was selling out comedy clubs, I never heard that. But then when you start going to upper levels, that’s when you start hearing about those things. So it doesn’t bother me.

Whatever. Hey, if you want to make money off me, fine. But the cool thing about that Hofstetter thing is that other comedians have stuck up for me. When I was working in New York at Radio City Music Hall, Louis CK, who is a genius – I love Louis CK, I love his comedy. Louis CK came out to my show and we talked about that a little bit. You just write it off and move on. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

So it just comes with the territory of being a well-known comedian?
Well it comes with the territory. But fans stick up for you. I’ve got awesome fans and they like what I do and they’re really the only people I need to keep happy. I could care less about critics. They’re not paying to come to my show anyway. My fans are. I love them to death. I think people just take things way too seriously. I’m a comedian doing goofy one-liners trying to make people laugh. That’s all I’m doing. And if somebody’s jealous about that and can’t handle that, that’s their problem and not mine. I’m not going to peoples’ houses with a gun to their head and forcing them to go to my show. They’re coming because they like me.

And let me just add, as far as the David Cross thing goes – it really wasn’t a battle. He had said something about my fans. I could care less what he says about me. But don’t hammer my fans. My fans aren’t all a bunch of back-ass morons. I got lawyers that come to my show. I got doctors that like my shows. I got all kinds of people. So my fans aren’t all goofy. They just like a different kind of humor every now and then. And I never blasted David. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. If I met him I’d probably get along with him and have a beer with him. I never once hammered him at all.

I ribbed him a little bit for getting on my fans. But I wished him the best of luck. He’s got a good career. He’s doing what he does and I do what I do, bless his heart.

You’ve done a few films already and you have Delta Farce coming out May 11. Would you give up stand-up comedy if it meant you could have a full-time movie career?

Oh, no, not at all. There’s nothing better than that gratification of writing a joke and having people laugh at it. It’s so much fun. So no, I never would. Which explains why I think Leno and Seinfeld still do stand-up– because they like the craft. And so do I. It’s all I know. I’ve been doing it since 1985. And those guys have been doing it since the late ‘70’s. You just love it. Movies are fun. But when it all boils down to it, nothing beats the live performing.

Morning Constitutions is in stores now. The premiere of Larry’s new special will air on Comedy Central June 3; the DVD will be out the same month. For more information, check out www.larrythecableguy.com