Robert Hawkins: Smackin’ Kittens

by Jessica Agi

Robert Hawkins dives right into this 45-minute album without any introduction: “Today is seven months, 10 days, no cigarettes for me.” The crowd applauds his accomplishment and he admits to liking the congratulations. But he feels “guilty because you don’t know what else I do. You’re clapping now, I’m at the house later getting it on with a cantaloupe and smacking kittens.” Hawkins forms an immediate connection with the crowd.

Throughout Smackin’ Kittens, Hawkins second comedy album, this Hollywood, Florida native proves he can perform with extreme versatility while maintaining a steady stream of laughs. He drops oddball one-liners in between short stories and jumps from offering real life commentary to hilariously inane observations.

“I like to buy a bag of M&Ms. I take two of the M&Ms out of the bag at a time and I squeeze them together really slow between my fingers until one of them cracks,” he says. “And the other one goes on to the next round.” He also sets the record straight to those who think men are actually “scratching” their crotch during those moments when men do not actually scratch themselves. “The only thing you can do if you have an itch in your nuts is pinch-and-roll nuts, you’re not scratching them.”

His outlook on everyday life is intelligent, but not pretentious. And with so much knowledge on so many topics, he bounds with insight, In one case, he advises to “find a way to use your environment to have a good time … If you just act natural, you can swim in any hotel pool anywhere for half an hour.”

He ends “Smackin’ Kittens’ with a simple fart joke. Result: a room full of laughs.

Watch video of Robert Hawkins at RooftopComedy.