March 9, 1974
Tuckahoe Coffee
Little Rock, Arkansas

Bill: Hill. I’ve been thinking. Things between us are getting pretty serious and I think you really ought to consider being a little dirtier for me in the sack.

Hillary: Oooooooooook. Um. What wasn’t dirty about you smoking a fatty and looking down at me grunting while I fellated you?

Bill: That was wooooooonderful baby. That’s not what I’m getting at, moonbeam of mine. Listen. All I’m saying is let’s get some food products involved. I want to eat ketchup and eggs off your tummy, girl. Let the warthog eat. I’m pawin’ at the dirt, you little minx. After we’re done I’ll read you some Adam Smith aloud and we’ll snuggle all Sunday afternoon.

Hillary: That sounds more like it. But I’d rather read O’Pioneers by Will Cather to YOU while you wash me with a sponge. There’s something about reading stories with women that must have had trouble grooming their feminine nexus on the rough road that makes me quiver like a child.

Bill: (Grunt) Clearing my throat helps me focus. When I’m like, really stressed out, I love to just hork up as much phlegm as possible and just empty my food pipe of it’s human mucous dander.

Hill: I like wool.

Bill: Man I could go for some potatoes and an original copy of Leaves of Grass. And some grass. And a donut.

Hill: Totally. I want some almonds.

Bill: You want me to go get you some?

Hill: No. I’ll just have to take a worse shit than I already have brewing.

Bill: I really want a chili dog.

Hill: Have you ever felt like settling down at a rest stop and just sleeping on the floor? No judging. Just right on the tile. I love how hard and unyielding public restroom floors are. My back hurts.

Bill: No. Can you pass me the creamer? This coffee is a little much.

Hill: I’m feeling engorged. Could you unfasten my hernia truss please? Good coffee by the way.

Bill: Oh yeah. GREAT coffee. I have this wart behind the heel of my foot and I’m wondering if that is too high up to be a plantar’s wart.

Hill: I like pretty dresses.

Bill: Let’s get married.

Hill: I really have to pooh.

Bill: That’s fair. Miss? Could you tell us how big the women’s restroom is here?

Hill: I’ve got it. Thank you. I’ll check myself honey. You’re so sweet.

Bill: Always wipe front to back!