Oprah Winfrey controls the entire universe. Doesn’t she? Answer. Yes. So it makes perfect sense that she is now looking to discover the next big stand-up comedian.

The page on her official site wherein they ask for submissions pretty much reads like a list of things you don’t want in a stand-up comedian, namely the dude that makes his friends laugh and thinks he could be a comedian. Here’s what it says:

Are you a funny person? Are you always the life of the party? Do you day dream about becoming a comedian someday, maybe even practicing your material in front of the mirror from time to time? Do you have other Mom’s and Dad’s constantly cracking up? Do you feel like you are destined for the improv stage or the comedy circuit? Do people constantly tell you how hilarious you are? We want to know if you think you are America’s next big comedian. If you want a chance to wow us with your jokes, this may be your chance.

I pray — oh God how I pray! — that Jim Norton and Doug Stanhope get wind of this, enter, and are seen on The Oprah Winfrey Show telling jokes about hookers defecating on them and getting blown by tranny prostitutes respectively. That’s what an audience full of Oprahites need!

If you’re a comic or think you can be one and you want Oprah to bless you with a long career in stand-up comedy, fill out the darn entry form here.

[via ComedyNews.org]