Happy 4th of July: A musical message from Ted Alexandro

by Punchline Magazine

In early June, comedian Ted Alexandro and Hollis James released “Kiss Our American Ass,” an ode to the death of Osama Bin Laden. It was poignant, touching and even musically competent.

So, now, in honor of the most patriotic weekend — it’s the 4th of July soon, you communist! — we’re going to blow off the ever so thin layer of dust from this gem and make sure its in your head nice and strong.

And pass it on to your friends. Unless, of course, you hate America. Do you hate America?

Christopher Titus: Neverlution

by John Delery

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players…auditioning for another sequel to Jackass: Yup, that about summarizes the thesis of Neverlution, Christopher Titus’ latest riotous eruption from Comedy Central Records (available on June 28). The companion television special premieres July 3 at 9 p.m. EST on Comedy Central.

For 105 hypnotic minutes, Titus points his blowtorch of indignation at his prey and sears talentless celebrities (“Lady Gaga is proof that David Bowie raped Carol Burnett”), worthless politicians (“Two wars…and Bush got elected…again! You’re fucking kidding me”) and, worse, pusillanimous parents who surrender to their massive, mewling offspring (“Hey, you’ve got to abuse your kids…a little bit”).

Titus’ reflective side holds up a funhouse mirror to the world, then the instructive but incensed drill sergeant in this uncommon comedian smashes that mirror across the skulls of the legions that pay to hear his hilarious hectoring.

“We just went though the worst decade since disco and how did we deal with it: We bitched on the Internet, got medical marijuana cards and played Grand Theft Auto,” he scolds with his usual biting blend of cynicism, sarcasm and realism.

More showman than shaman, Titus blusters for change, yes, but for comic effect really; it’s his job, after all. He harangues the left and right. He japes blacks and whites. He mocks racists (“If you can name six different NASCAR drivers and the erectile dysfunction drug that they’re sponsored by, you may have a problem that we have a black president,” starts a trio of jokes that sounds like either a clever homage to Jeff Foxworthy or an inside joke meant to jab the Blue Collar Comic with the penchant for redneck humor) and fanatical activists. His dual intent: demystify and demythologize all sides. “The truth is the truth,” he declares, only half humorously. “We’re all brilliant and we’re all douche bags. That’s how it works, man.”

On the ominous and uproarious “The DMV Incident,” he skewers what amounts to parental correctness, the invidious belief among delusional moms and dads of every tribe that their little lumps of love (screamin’ demons, to others in their proximity) ought to be exempt from even the gentlest discipline.

“This country you’re sitting in right now was not built on love, hugs, time-outs and trophies you didn’t earn,” he proclaims later in his supreme rant. “This country was built on shame, humiliation and striving to be better. By the way, if you’re in this room right now and you’re successful…you didn’t get there because someone loved you too much or gave you too many hugs or you got a trophy when you lost. You did it because at one point in your life, somebody turned to you and said you’re a loser, and in that second, you decided to bust your ass to make them choke on that sentence.… Or, your parents gave you the money.”

Oh how this one nation under sedation infuriates and amuses Christopher Titus.

Snag yourself a copy of Neverlution. Just click the image below. Seriously, do it.

Comedy Matters with Woody Allen, Jon Stewart and more!

by Jeffrey Gurian

Strip Action

Richie Tienken is a very kind and caring man. He does lots of charity work, and recently did two major fundraisers, one for The Red Cross and the other for the American Diabetes Association.

In conjunction with Karen Horn, an executive from The Red Cross, Richie produced a great show that raised a good amount of money for the charity.

Hosting the show was the always entertaining Jim Mendrinos, who has lots of projects on the fire right now, including a one man show he plans to open in August.

I myself always wanted to do a one man show, but I could never figure out who that one man should be! ( Do I really need to put the LOL there??? I’m hoping that’s a redundant question!)

The Red Cross fundraiser was a sold out event that saw comics like Louis CK, Alan Colmes, Wayne Federman, Joe Bolster, Sherrod Small, and Colin Quinn among others, stop by to perform and support.

Then I produced a fundraiser for Diabetes which is a killer disease that affects so many people in this country. In my case it took my Dad. My daughter Elizabeth is a well known and successful nutritionist, whose specialty is Diabetes. She called me one day to ask if I thought I could put together a comedy fundraiser.

I knew I could count on Richie and I was right. Once again I asked Jim Mendrinos to host, because he’s the best, and he too lost his Dad to Diabetes. We also had a sold out event, with a guest appearance by the great Elayne Boosler, the first woman to ever have a one hour cable TV special, plus performances by Letterman’s Eddie Brill, Louis Ramey, Jeff Pirrami, Jon Fisch, from Comedy Central and VH1, Chuck Nice, host of The Hot 10 on Centric, Goumba Johnny, famed radio guy from KTU, and a newer guy named Harrison Greenbaum, winner of the Andy Kaufman Award, who I think will do big things, and certainly did big things that night.

We raised a good amount of money and everyone had a fantastic time. So many comics offered their services. I wish I would have been able to accommodate them all but the show would still be going on if I had.

The day before we did a spot on a TV show called “ Inside City Hall” , with host Errol Louis and I brought premiere political comics Barry Weintraub, Scott Blakeman, and Sherrod Small to bring the funny to the political scene and to promo our Diabetes event. I’m very grateful to all who performed and attended.

Paul Reiser came to New York to promote the new show he was doing on NBC called The Paul Reiser Show. Where they got than name I’ll never know, but Paul came to the club to rehearse, since it had been a while since he had done stand-up.

You certainly couldn’t tell from his performance. I guess it’s like riding a bike. When you’ve spent that many years honing your craft onstage, it comes back to you pretty quickly.

And The Strip was Paul’s home club, so that’s where he migrates to when he wants to work out material. It’s where he feels most at home. I’m sure it brings back lots of fun memories for him.

Gotham Happenings

Anjelah Johnson is an anomaly. First of all she’s part Mexican and part Native American, ( hence the amazing hair! ), but has the last name Johnson, which was hard for her growing up because she always wanted to be considered a Mexican “chola.” ( Female Mexican gangbanger, … for the uninitiated! LOL)

Then she’s really cute and sexy, which to me is a great mix in comedy, but only started happening as of late, since for some reason it seems harder for pretty girls to get laughs, and she only started doing comedy at age 24, after taking an improv class at her church. Before she went into stand-up she was a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders.

Since then she’s been in films, and a cast member of MadTV, where she developed her popular character Bon Qui Qui, ( which you can see on You Tube), and speaking of You Tube, she also had a viral smash with her short film Nail Salon.

Chris Mazzilli goes out of his way to have the best talent at Gotham, and I had always heard about Anjelah but had never seen her, so when I found out she was headlining Gotham, I made sure to be there to check it out! It’s a good thing I made reservations cause it was a sold-out show!

Not only is she funny but she’s clean! Squeaky clean! I don’t mean physically, (which I’m sure she is too! LOL ) … her material is really clean, which is a nice change. She takes her Christian background seriously and sticks to G-rated topics. It’s much harder to work clean than it is to work dirty, especially when working a nightclub where people are drinking.

One of the things I always respected about Jerry Seinfeld and Paul Reiser when I first met them back in the day, was that they ALWAYS worked clean. And let me tell you it’s not always easy. When you’re working a late night crowd that’s had a few drinks, it’s very tempting to throw something in that you might not share with your parents, cause you know it’s an easy laugh, but to resist that temptation takes a strong person.

So explaining her ponytail she says, “I’m not a Lesbian. I’m just lazy! “

Not only does she do great voices and character work but she’s also a good singer! The girls got it going’ on! Another cool thing is that she travels with her brother Mitchell who also functions as her photographer! He’s very cool and helps her with whatever she needs as well as being on hand at the end when she greets the audience and signs autographs.

MC’ing the show was Dean Obeidallah, a Palestinian-Italian comedian who tours the country with Jewish comedian Scott Blakeman trying to bring Muslims and Jews together. I don’t know what particular jokes will accomplish that, but it couldn’t hurt, right? The problem is the people who most need to hear those jokes are not the people showing up to the shows. Most comedy shows don’t draw a big fundamentalist crowd, as far as I know!

Then Cipha Sounds from Cipha Sounds and Rosenberg, co-host of Hot 97’s morning show took the stage. The dude insists he’s not a comedian, but you could fool me! He’s consistently funny and a real crowd pleaser. He also hosts a weekly show at Carolines and works hard to hone his comedic skills.

And then Anjelah had a favorite of hers who’s also a favorite of mine, Nate Bargatze. There’s an unusual name. Kind of like Ben Bernanke. It’s so unusual you can’t tell where it’s from. All I know is that Nate is really funny.

He does some great Chinese language stuff, cause that’s a funny language, and the accent is a killer. Not particularly sexy or romantic, but interesting! I wish I could imitate a Chinese accent, at least as good as Russell Peters, doing a Chinese guy arguing with an Indian guy.

Anyway, Nate told a great story about a guy at the airport not getting the best care and pulling “the race card.” Only he was white. He was like, “ you’re only doing this to me because I’m white. And after all we’ve been through. Then he turned to Nate for back-up, and Nate was like, “Hey man, if you wanted me to back you up on this, you should have given me more notice! “

It was a great , great show and I hope to see Anjelah when I’m out in LA over the summer.

I also caught Jim Breuer’s sold out show, and Jim is ALWAYS a crowd pleaser. They go crazy just when he’s introduced and he always puts on a high energy show, cause that’s who he is.

He also had copies available of his new book, “ I’m Not High” cause of his eyes which make him always look high. He claims that Richie Tienken first brought it to his attention early in his career when he asked him if he was doing drugs, as the reason why his eyes looked like that. Of course he wasn’t, but that’s why he called his company “Lazy Eye Productions.”

At Anthony Anderson’s fantastically fabulous monthly Mixtape show, I ran into both Dawn B. and Chuck Nice two of my favorite people in the world!

Comedy Central 1st Annual Comedy Awards

I had so much in my last column I didn’t have room to write about the 1st annual Comedy Awards from Comedy Central. Comedy Central pulled out all the stops on this one, and everyone who ever told a joke or laughed at a joke was there.

Tracy Morgan presented the first “Comedy Icon” award to Eddie Murphy, and you could see he was thrilled to do so. Eddie influenced so many Black comics who came after him. He probably influenced a lot of White comics too, but they didn’t do as good a job of following up! (LOL)

It was a thrill for me to see him since in a six-degrees of separation thing, I feel like I know him since Richie Tienken and Bob Wachs, owner and founders of The Comic Strip, both managed him for so many years, and in doing the book on the club, I’ve heard all the stories.

Tina Fey was there as a presenter, and also won for Best Comedy Actress for her work in Date Night, where she dropped an f-bomb while accepting , and telling how she crushed Helen Mirren in acting., with her tongue so firmly planted in her cheek, it looked like she was hiding a crab apple in there! Btw, has anyone noticed she may possibly have the best legs in comedy???

David Letterman was there, and accepted the night’s highest award from Bill Murray called “ the Johnny Carson Award For Comedic Excellence”, and Alec Baldwin came out on stage with Chloe Moretz of “KickAss” fame, and accepted an award for Best Comedy Actor for his work in 30 Rock.

I was on the red carpet shooting the arrivals, ( sounds so violent! ), and got to see Christian Finnegan who was hosting the red carpet, and was very humble about having been chosen for what I thought was something very special.

Comedy Central’s Aileen Budow ran the red carpet with great skill as she always does, assisted by Eve Kenny.

I got to interview Jon Stewart who I hadn’t seen in quite a while. John won for Best Late Night Comedy Series, and is managed by an old friend of mine, James Dixon. I knew James when he was an agent at William Morris, where he could always be found with fellow agent Mike August, who I understand is with him at Dixon Talent.

James also handles Stephen Colbert and a few other names you may have heard of, like Adam Carolla, Carson Daly, and Jimmy Kimmel, and James was kind enough to actually snap the photo that appears below. So added to all his other credits is this photo credit for the shot he took of me and Jon.

I also got to see Will Ferrell, Olivia Munn, The Gregory Brothers, Mark DuPlass and his wife Katie Aselton, who made the movie Cyrus, with Marisa Tomei and Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson from The Office and Louis CK who received an award, and will also be honored in Montreal this summer as the Comedy Person of the Year.

Check out the little film right here.

Richard Lewis at Carolines

Richard Lewis came to New York to headline at Carolines, and we made up to meet at The Friars Club. Richard is in a class by himself when it comes to comedy. To me, he’s a modern day Woody Allen, and I mean that as a compliment to both of them. Funny that they’re both in this column together!

Richard’s one of those rare performers that has such a strong comedy identity, … that of an angst-ridden Jew, … that a comedy writer like myself, who understands that head perfectly, could have a ball writing for him, except that Richard has never used a writer.

Once many years ago when he starred in the movie “Drunks” I presented him with some material, and before I even got home that night there was a message on my answering machine, thanking me, and telling me that the material was not only hilarious but “brilliant”, and it was obvious that I could write a funny joke, but that he couldn’t use it because he always writes his own material.

That phone call is actually on my website here in the little film that plays automatically when the site opens.

The fact that Richard answered me right away is part of his character. In making plans to meet at The Friars he was meticulous in keeping in touch, and planning the exact time, like the Allies planned the invasion of Normandy!

I got there early to set up, and Richard was right on time. We sat in the bar, where we could be undisturbed, and he was very gracious with his time, since Richard prepares incessantly for every performance, and tends not to meet with anyone while he’s doing so. It was only because we’re old friends that he graciously agreed to meet with me.

I showed up not knowing whether I’d be able to film him, but he was so accommodating he even helped me set up the camera at the right angle, and suggested a couple of shots for me that he thought would work.

Richard prepares like no other comic I’ve ever seen. His work ethic is admirable, and shows on stage. He sold out Carolines with all his shows. He works with such an incredibly high level of free association that he actually interrupts himself with a new thought, before he allows himself to finish the thought he was talking about. He hardly lets himself finish a sentence. None of his shows could ever be the same.

Check out the full story in my Comedy Matters Vlog at and the video on my Gurian News Network You Tube channel at Comedy Matters Shorties

Phil Rosenthal Exports Raymond For The Friars Club

Charlie Prince is appropriately named, especially when it comes to his work for The Friars Club. He heads up the Friars Film Festival in in doing so, manages to bring great films to be screened at The Friars on a constant basis.

Phil Rosenthal was the Exec. Producer of Everybody Loves Raymond, so when he was asked to bring that show to Russia, he was smart enough to make a documentary out of his ordeal, which is what it turned out to be. A successful ordeal, but an ordeal never-the-less.

I had last seen Phil in Montreal last summer when the film was being shown in the the Just For Laughs festival, but I didn’t get a chance to see it then, because Richie Tienken and I were there to show the trailer for Eat, Drink, Laugh, the doc on The Comic Strip.

This screening was so well attended that we had to show it across the street from The Friars at The Core Club which is where I sat down with Phil for this little interview you can see in my Vlog.

Rhonda Hansome on Louie

Rhonda Hansome is back on the comedy scene with a vengeance, and not only performing all over town, but also did a guest spot on Louis CK’s “Louie.”

Story Pirates With Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart and his wife Tracey co-hosted the third annual “After School Special” at Symphony Space on Broadway, and it was a really fun enjoyable event for the children’s writing initiative known as Story Pirates.

Story Pirates takes elementary school kids stories and well known actors act them out. I was prepared to be bored, but it was fantastic and very entertaining., because the children’s stories are very entertaining and creative.

I kidded Jon that the reason it was called “Story Pirates” was because these well known performers steal the ideas from small children and then use them as a performance, and that he could actually do the same thing on The Daily Show if he wasn’t doing it already! That got a big laugh from Jon.

The event drew lots of stars besides Jon and I got to speak not only to Jon, but to John Oliver, Kristen Schaal, who looked so cute in a pony tail, and Ana Gastayer who was there with her son Ulysses. Artistic director Lee Overtree is to be commended, as is Kiki Valentine the talented performance artist who helped bring attention to the event.

You can see it all here on video.

Men of Violence Slated for 2012

My only non-comedy project, a feature film I wrote called “Men of Violence” was picked up by director John Gallagher, and is posted on IMDb Pro. as being in pre-production for 2012.

John Gallagher is a film director who always works with star-studded casts like Amanda Peet, Michael Imperioli, Gretchen Mol, John Leguizamo, Zach Braff, Heather Matarazzo, and Denis Leary, and has directed award-winning films like “Blue Moon”, “Men Lie”, and The Deli” .

He’s currently working on horror movie DIGGER 3D starring Heidi Kristoffer and Ryan O’Callaghan; the gangster comedy FICKLE starring Frank Vincent
and the short comedy I LOVE YOU starring Ryan O’Callaghan.

I recently saw John at the Soho International Film Festival where he is on the Advisory Board, when I did interviews with him and actor Frank Vincent in an event John produced, plus a great interview with Michael Imperioli who was there presenting his own film “The Hungry Ghosts”, with Sopranos co-stars Steve ( Bobby Bacala) Schirippa, John (Artie Bucco) Ventimiglia, Vince ( Johnny Sack) Curatola, and Sharon (Rosemary Aprile) Angela. I was there with the beautiful, and talented internet sensation Lauren Francesca. You can see the video here!

Men of Violence is about a successful plastic surgeon obsessed with violence , who accidentally kills the son of a powerful mob boss and has to become the baddest man on the planet to save his wife and kids from retribution.

The Night I Made Woody Allen Laugh

Woody Allen has always been my inspiration and was actually the first big star to read my very early ideas. That is a story I will tell in depth on my blog, because it’s a long one, but suffice it to say that he read my material over the course of two nights, and encouraged me to make films because he said my comedy was very visual.

This was many, many years ago, and our paths had not crossed in quite some time, so when my dear friend Rosa Gudmundsdottir, a talented singer, and friend of Woody’s close friend John Doumanian, told me he was performing at the Café Carlyle, we went up to see him.

As John was about to re-introduce me to Woody, I stuck out my hand and interrupted with, “ Hi Woody, I’m a very close friend of yours!” He thought about that for half a second and burst out laughing, which is not an easy thing to make happen, as you might be able to tell from the serious way he comes out in photos!

It was a special moment that I wish I had on video. I do have two witnesses however and their names are Rosa Gudmundsdottir and John Doumanian.

Anyway, until next time, remember, …. COMEDY MATTERS!!! And remember to check out the Comedy Matters Vlog for many more stories and interviews.

Interview: Bryan Callen– comedian, actor, zombie killer

by Dylan P. Gadino

If you’re like me, you first caught glances of comedian Bryan Callen during his years on the long-running (but not long enough!), totally under-appreciated sketch show MadTV. But over the last few years, the man has established himself as an in-demand, nationally headlining comedian and recognizable flick actor– thanks, in no small way, to his appearances in both Hangover movies. We first knew him as “Eddie,” the slimy wedding chapel operator in the first; and just weeks ago when it opened, we saw Callen as “Samir”– still slimy, but this time the manager of a strip club in Bangkok.

I recently got to chat with the Los Angeles-based comic about his good times in Bangkok, his upcoming MTV show, the proper way to shave your nutsack and much more. Check it out!

Your role in The Hangover Part II was pretty similar to your role in the first Hangover.
Yeah, when Todd Phillips calls you and wants you to be in his movie and it’s The Hangover II, you just do it. I don’t care if I’m playing a wave or a tree. I would do it, because I’m a whore. It’s the Hangover II for godsakes.

I never read the script, it was all under wraps. All I can say is that I found myself in Bangkok at the Four Seasons in a suite. All I knew about my character before the shooting is I had to play a guy who owns a strip club and could get you anything you want. I got to work with Paul Giamatti which was fun. He’s a great guy.

But, I wore a wig and a vest. I look better as a swarthy Middle Eastern strip club owner with curly hair than I do as an Irish Italian with crappy hair.

C’mon, Bryan. You’re a handsome guy
That’s what I like to hear.

How long were you in Bangkok?
I think I was there a total of 12 days. But with that kind of movie, you’re shooting three days and hanging out nine. It was good times. Basically what happens when you do a movie like this is, you get to hang out in a suite in a hotel and eat great food and I get paid. I mean, it’s ridiculous. If I were into underage sex, I would’ve really had a good time in Bangkok.

Maybe you can go back some other time and experiment a little bit.
When I become a 65-year-old German guy with barnacles on my face, that’s when I’ll do that. That’s a lot of what you see— sex tourists there. It’s very strange.

How do you know they’re sex tourists?
Because they have that deviant look and oh, by the way, they’re walking around with some 18 year old who wouldn’t normally look at them twice. I was making a joke one day when I was there—they look like the number 10, because she’s really skinny and he’s really fat and just walking down the street and she’s tick, tick, ticking behind him in heels and they’re not having any conversation because he’s German and she speaks Thai. But they are speaking the language of love— actually, they’re speaking the language of money.

We went to the strip club and I noticed all the girls had numbers on them and I asked what that was. And they said is you basically just call out a number, pay a bar fine – which is basically 18 bucks – and for 60 bucks they’ll go back to your hotel. And I was like that girl will come back to my hotel room for 60 dollars? I can close this place down with $4,000 for chrissakes. I had to have a talk with myself. ‘Don’t do it, Bryan! Don’t do it!’

But there’s no way you can be a deviant and be an actor. I was at the strip club and I got recognized. This guy came up to me and said, ‘are you the guy from the Hangover?’ So there goes that. So I was just looking. I was playing a strip club owner so it was only for research.

You’re starring in an MTV show called Death Valley, which premieres late summer. What’s the show about?
It’s so much fun. It’s just a blast. It’s shot like Cops. We shoot zombies and werewolves and vampires in the valley of Los Angeles. I am the captain of the Undead Task Force. It’s our job to rid the valley of all monsters of all kinds. And its funny and crazy and we just have a blast. We shot 12 episodes and hopefully they’ll give it the kind of advertising it deserves.

I’ve been in this business long enough to know that you just do your job and go home. If it’s a hit, great. Chances are in this business it won’t be. So you just move on to the next part of the process. I look at everything I do now as, ‘have fun while you’re doing it.’ Because it’s a privilege to be working and I’ve been lucky to be working more than a lot of comics— probably because I always emphasized acting over comedy. It’s one of those things where every time I get a job, I’m so surprised— like really? You guys want me? Oh, ok. Nice. I’ll do it.

That’s a healthy outlook.
Well, you have to have it. You got to have that perspective. Otherwise you’ll go crazy. It comes from going though years when you don’t have any work. You wake up and you’re like, ‘hey man I’m in my 30s and I’m jobless.’ But then I did The Hangover and one thing leads to another and then you’re working all the time. It’s pretty cool. It also helps that I’m fucking good looking. (laughs)

That does help.
Like you said, I’m ridiculously handsome. Did you use the word ‘ridiculous’ or did I just put that word in your mouth?

I didn’t use that word, but I wouldn’t deny that I said it if you said I said it.
That’s what I’m talking about. I like your attitude and I like the way you conduct an interview.

Tell me about the one-hour special you just shot. Where did you film it?
I filmed it in Orange County. Hopefully it’ll air on Comedy Central or Showtime. We don’t know yet. I was onstage for an hour and a half. I had a blast. I used Jeremy Piven for a whole segment. He comes on stage and takes a lint brush and de-lints me. I told everyone that he’s my assistant. I have an A-level celebrity as an assistant.

And then I’m in a movie called Warrior for Lions Gate. I have a pretty good part in that. And hopefully this fall, I’ll get to the next level, man. Whatever that is.

Exactly. What is the next level?
When you stop becoming ‘that guy.’ Like, ‘I think I went to high school with that guy… to ‘hey, I think that’s Bryan Callen.’ That’s a big jump. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach it but it’s always been a goal. If you get to that point, that’s the difference between hundreds of thousands of dollars to millions. It’s a lot of work.

I’ve been seeing you in those Gillette commercials on television, too.
Yes sir. When you do a campaign like that, it’s such a great thing because it just pays your whole year. The ProGlide that I’m actually hawking, I’m telling you it is the best razor on the market. No question about it.

Do you use it just for your face? Because you keep your hair really short on your head as well.
I do keep it short. I don’t shave my legs though, but the night is still young.

Have you used it on your head?
No, I don’t keep it that close. I just use the number five clipper, know what I mean?

I’m not implying you’ve shaved your balls with this razor, but do you think you’d recommend it for that purpose?
That’s a very dicey prospect, to actually take a razor down there. I believe you should use scissors and do it manually. However, if you were being bold enough to take a razor to your nutsack, then the only razor to use is the ProGlide. C’mon, man— it’s got five blades!

I’m going to pick up a ProGlide on your recommendation.
I’m telling you, you will not be disappointed. And I want to see a picture of how smooth your nutsack is when you’re done with it.

I’d be happy to send that to you.
Good man.

What were you doing before we started talking today?
I was playing the drums. I’m learning the drums. When I’m 90, if I live that long, it’s one of the things I’m going to wish I had done. One is to learn Spanish and the other is learning the drums. So now I’m doing both. I’m not a good drummer yet. But some day.

You can’t do everything, ya know. You’re already a comedian, an actor and a handsome man. Why do you have to add to all that?
You know what I really want to be? It’s going to sound weird. I love Miami. I want to be Cuban. I want to wear silk suits and fedoras and I want a thin mustache and I want to be a professional Salsa dancer. And I want to be a revolutionary. Not a communist revolutionary because communists are idiots. But more like a regular revolutionary for freedom.

I basically spend my time wishing I was someone else. That’s what I do. I want to be a rock ‘n’ roll star. I want to be a Navy Seal. I want to be all those things. I can’t make up my mind who I really want to be. I want to be a great artist, a great warrior, porn star… I don’t know… something cool.

You can see Bryan in The Hangover Part II (in theaters now), on stand-up comedy stages across the country and on Death Valley on MTV, starting later this summer. For more info check out bryancallen.com.

Norm Macdonald: Me Doing Standup

by John Delery

Only a certain kind of comic can adventurously open his set with a death riff.

For lack of a better word (because there is no other word, until now), we will call this sort of confidently kooky comedian: grimsical. Yeah, yeah: half grim, half whimsical.

Norm Macdonald acts grimsical much of the time on Me Doing Standup, his sometimes sentimental and consistently sharp new album from Comedy Central Records, though all the while sounding mordant, not morbid, an impressive achievement maybe only a funnyman of his stature can accomplish.

Always the smart aleck, always the wise guy, first as the anchor of Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live in the ’90s, now as the host of Sports Show With Norm Macdonald, a SportsCenter spoof on Comedy Central, Macdonald speaks fluent sarcasm. On Me, he uses that skill to soften hard truths (some personal) about mortality and violence and disease– unusual comic topics, agreed?

Looking at life from odd angles allows Macdonald to see the upside of alcoholism: “It’s true you’ve got a disease,” he explains, “but I think you’ve got the best one.” He defies the usual gravity of an AA meeting with incisive analysis of participants who painstakingly camouflage their identities but candidly illuminate their darkest secrets to strangers with startling detail: “Did I ever tell you I blew a dog for a pint of gin?”

He detours from his singular set list only to ride comedy retreads Tiger Woods (“Are you telling me that super-handsome, charismatic dude likes to lie with the ladies…? He always presented himself in public as a golfer”) and O.J. Simpson, his bane on SNL. Mostly, though, he humorously reveals his nostalgic and sinister sides. Any members of Future Psychosexual Sadists of America reading this, listen up: Macdonald has, well, killer tips for you.

We highly recommend you snag a copy of Me Doing Standup. Just click the image below!

Exclusive audio interview: Jim Norton talks Weiner, Tracy Morgan, addiction

by Dylan P. Gadino

I sat down with comedian Jim Norton at his home on Sunday to catch up on all things current, where his career is headed and much more.

We talked about New York Rep. Anthony Weiner’s photo scandal, about Tracy Morgan’s anti-gay tirade and about Jim’s new projects, which may include a new book and a television pilot centered around Norton’s sex addiction.

You can listen to the entire 40-plus minute, uncensored interview below. Enjoy!

You can catch Jim on the road hosting The Anti Social Network Tour with Bill Burr, Dave Attell and Jim Breuer. For dates and details, go here.

Review: “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop”

by Brendan McLaughlin

In theaters June 24

As a Conan O’Brien fan who followed The Tonight Show ordeal as closely and obsessively as Internet access allowed, I’d describe the last two years of the host’s career as: a) hectic and b) well documented. Everybody interested in knowing what went down at NBC and in the Conan and Leno camps does; there’s even a book about it– The War For Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy. So when you hear there’s a Conan documentary coming out, it’s hard not to think, “Don’t I know this story already?” Having seen Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop, the new film by Rodman Flender chronicling the late night host’s post-Tonight Show live tour, I now feel sufficiently able to answer that question: no, you don’t.

The movie picks up where author Bill Carter’s aforementioned book leaves off — with Conan, The Tonight Show a not-so-distant memory, regrouping with his circle of confidants to plan his next move. The camera follows Coco and co. as they write, rehearse and perfect the road act that will serve as their post-NBC-trauma, pre-TBS deal palette cleanser. But unlike Carter’s book and the rest of the coverage surrounding the Tonight Show debacle, the film isn’t interested in a play-by-play retelling of events. It’s about how it felt to be at the center of a giant media firestorm, and what it’s like to pick up the pieces after unexpected events and difficult choices turn your world upside down. The answer, in Conan’s case, was to throw himself into what he loves: comedy and music.

“I’m happiest when I’m with comedians or musicians working things out,” Conan says at one point during the documentary. He’s telling the truth, because one of the biggest treats about this movie is getting to see that joy in its purest form. We feel it when he’s auditioning backup singers, re-writing the lyrics to Wille Nelson’s “On The Road Again,” jamming his way through rockabilly tunes and trying on a spot-on replica of the leather onesie Eddie Murphy wore in his now-classic stand-up comedy concert film Raw. You realize that this is the stuff he desperately needed to get back to after months spent haggling with network suits and lamenting the 11:30 pm dream that wasn’t meant to be.

Flender was granted total backstage access. This isn’t sound-bite/press release Conan. It’s a frank look at an entertainer in a raw state. “Sometimes I’m so mad I can’t even breath,” Conan tells Flender. These sit-down interviews are candid and straightforward, but the truly revealing moments come when O’Brien is captured just being himself. We see it all: Conan riffing with his writers, chewing out his assistant for messing up his takeout order and belittling Jack McBrayer during a tense, pre-show hang session that he’s annoyed about having to participate in. Conan’s diva-like behavior definitely has shock value, but you’re also left sympathizing with someone who’s expected to be all things to all people at all times.

In a surreal moment, O’Brien compares his situation to that of Anne Frank. The point is. Conan isn’t always pretty, and we get to see that. A more fun moment involves Conan scoffing at a proposed meeting with TBS, making a joke about how soon he’ll be taking meetings with the Oxygen network.

Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop is a must for die-hard fans, but it’s also a great documentary for anyone who’s ever wondered what it’s like to hit the road as a professional entertainer, to have a legion of loyal fans watching your every move or to be at the center of a media machine. When Conan announces the tour on Twitter, and then watches as each date rapidly sells out with the show’s content far from solidified, we sense the pressure he feels to deliver. But we also feel his excitement at the prospect of being in front of an audience again.

Nothing crazy or unexpected happens in the course of the film – by the time the movie starts, those plot twists are already over and done with. This movie is about what happens after the shit has already hit the fan, what a person lets go of and what that person holds on to. And it’s about a performer for whom stopping just isn’t an option.

Interview: Tim Heidecker of Tim and Eric chats on DVD and more!

by Meagan Kate

Brilliant, absurdist sketch comedy freaks Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim gave us a fifth season of genius this year and their Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! DVD (out now!) brought even more tender morsels of awkward humor than I could have even imagined.

Tim and Eric are an acquired taste. Their Adult Swim staple is filled with endless jokes about child molestation, bodily fluids and physical violence – and it is not for everyone.

Each 11-minute episode makes you cringe while laughing uncontrollably. I assure you it is a glorious experience. Season five was totally on point, and took viewers on a more darker ride than usual.

They definitely pushed the limits, but I have yet to meet a fan of theirs who wasn’t totally on board.

The guys are often accompanied by awesome celebrity guests; season five included Richard Dunn, Rainn Wilson, Zack Galifianakis and Paul Rudd. Rudd’s portrayal of himself … watching, well, himself dancing, was one of my favorites sketches of the season. Steve Mahanahan and his Child Clown Outlet sketch sparked my excessive use of my favorite one-liner this season … “I touched a clown and now I’m going to jail.”

But why buy the DVD, you ask? I can see a ton of these clips on the Adult Swim website! You’re, right, reader – you can. But with the DVD you get some awesome added features like extended cuts of some of the best sketches, and delectable outtakes/gag reels that are just as odd as the real deal. As strange as it sounds – it’s nice to see them break once in a while and laugh like real humans. And karaoke. There is karaoke involved, you guys.

As if getting the DVD to look over wasn’t enough, I was told that I got to interview the guys about the DVD. And then I shit myself (See!? Totally my brand of humor!). Below is my interview with Tim (technical difficulty meant Eric and I were unable to converse).

So, why should people buy this DVD? I mean, you can find just about anything for free on the Internets.
TIM: Well the DVD is easily portable. You can bring it with you in a knapsack if you’re going somewhere. And it has extra features. Like goof-‘em-ups and all that junk where we couldn’t keep a straight face. And lots of behind the scenes stuff showing how we make the show.

So this season was obviously a lot darker than the previous one. Was that intentional or did that just happen naturally?
TIM: We got more confident over the series, in our voice and characters, and ideas or references for those who had been along for the ride – they could see some resolution to it. There was way more context there than there had been before – so with those ideas we could run with it.

Have there ever been sketches you worried about writing or had a hard time with?
TIM: Nothing’s coming to mind. We always spend a lot of time on ideas before they need to be shot. So a lot of that decision making comes out in the first stages. A lot of ideas just die on the board.

What is that writing process like?
TIM: It’s us and three other guys (editors and a show producer). There’s no money to pay anybody and keep writers on, so we keep one or two days of brainstorming and amass this big, giant document. That’s about half of it. The other half is done when we’re putting the script together– adding old ideas, and leaving space for improv.

You two have obsessed fans. Creepy ones.
TIM: Yeah, we were at a hotel the other day having a meeting by the pool. Because that’s what we do in Hollywood. And a bus boy came up to us and was kind of geeking out. It was a nice hotel in LA so you’d think they were used to that. But he was just like “fuck it” and asked us for a picture.

You two met in college and have worked together ever since. Do you ever get sick of each other?
TIM: Nope!

NEVER?!
TIM: Nope. It’s always fun.

You guys have always had such awesome guests on the show – do they come to you or do you try to hunt them down?
In the first few seasons it was always our friends, but then people started coming to us. We’re really selective with who we work with. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. Will Forte works great in our world. John (C. Reilly) obviously worked out for us.

So are there some people who have come to you and you get to tell them no?
TIM: Yes.

Did that feel fantastic?
TIM: Oh yeah. There is one, in particular … I won’t say who it is … but it was pretty awesome to say no.

What have been some of your favorite sketches?
TIM: The Cinco iTanner, Male Broach and Food Tube. Those worked together really well.

What’s next?
TIM: Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. It’s going to be a wild ride!

Snag yourself the complete season five of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! by clicking the image below!

Jen Kirkman: Hail To The Freaks

by Carrie Andersen

I first became acquainted with Jen Kirkman’s work through the epic Funny or Die web series Drunk History, where a subject would drink insane amounts of alcohol before sharing a history lesson that would later be acted out verbatim.

While Michael Cera’s portrayal of Alexander Hamilton will always hold a special place in my heart, Kirkman’s interpretation of the life of Oney Judge, a slave, is totally top notch.

That comedic storytelling ability is readily apparent on her sophomore album, Hail to the Freaks. Following some spontaneous banter with the audience – as a side note, beginning a comedy album with unscripted material is wicked ballsy, to boot, so she gets mad props for that alone – Kirkman launches into some personal anecdotes about her wedding. Though wedding tales can be insufferable, her off-the-cuff, colloquial delivery makes these stories feel like shared hilarious moments among friends, rather than a tired comic routine.

That intimate connection is the biggest strength of this album, which is uber hard to cultivate outside of a live performance. Instead of a one-way relationship between comedian and audience, Kirkman’s routine is conversational in tone. It’s self-deprecating, engaging, meaningful and relatable. Not to mention, you know, really funny.

Though much of the album centers on those personal moments, be they wedding tales or the trials and tribulations of weight gain, the Chelsea Lately regular does occasionally offer social commentary to great effect. In her discussion of gay marriage, for example, she utters perhaps the best critique of Obama’s position I’ve ever heard: “I’m very mad at Obama, I think he’s a big nerd.” It’s not a particularly vivid statement, nor does it really make much sense, if you think about it. But man, what a great insult. You can’t tell me you’re not imagining Obama wearing taped plastic glasses and suspenders now.

And, along those lines, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention her hilarious yet blood-curdling take on Sarah Palin’s existence. Just like a horror movie, she explains, Palin’s not just gone for good after her loss in 2008: we’re in the tense lull before the monster returns with a vengeance to win, destroy the country– all that jazz.

Even if her political pontification occasionally borders on cynical, she manages to keep those moments just shy of irredeemably pessimistic– as frightening and soul-killing the prospect of a Palin in power is.

Overall, Hail to the Freaks shows how a conversational tone is an asset for a comedy album, even if the medium is less intimate than a live performance. So take a listen and see if you feel like you’ve made a new friend.

Snag yourself a copy of Hail To The Freaks. Just click the image below!

Andrew Norelli: Cut Above Stupid

by John Delery

If Andrew Norelli raced for a living, he’d drive a dragster instead of an Indy car. Hey, he prefers straight lines to curves. He seldom veers off the worn but proven path to laughs, but the skill to take the audience on an amusing ride from Point A to Point B makes Norelli an interesting and entertaining comedian.

On Cut Above Stupid, his new album from Uproar! Entertainment, he simplifies the complexities of life and injects mirth into the mundane. Consider him a comfort comedian for these discomfiting days.

Like many of us, Norelli just wants the idiots to stop asking dumb questions, customer care associates to provide more than lip service and the technobrats to log off for one !#@!* second to allow the 2G stragglers to catch up to the 4G lead pack.

“I could figure out how to double space on Microsoft Word, if you’d stop touching it. I had it,” he grouses about the constantly updated software. Yes, he may be in character, but if so, Norelli sure acts haggard well. Without looking at life through morose-colored glasses, he sees the humor in the quotidian quirks, the family and celebrity twaddle that commoners ignore or miss. Really, he sounds like a guy who needs a nap or a beer, but please, no massage— too stressful (listen below).

Norelli delivers hilarious insight into these precarious times, when we wish clubs had a four-drink minimum to help us swallow the uncertainty. At the end of track No. 6, “The SAT Test,” Norelli slams the affluent bellyacher who chafes at the unfairness of suddenly being “boatless.”

“You know those people,” he continues, “[who] say they’re broke, then you see their ATM receipt. ‘What do mean you’re broke? Dude, you’ve got a comma.’” Rich, Norelli, rich.

Buy A Cut Above Stupid on iTunes or click the image below.

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